Crippled for Life

I’ve always known that life is unpredictable. From the time my father left us so suddenly after the family business collapsed, all he left my mother was debt. Life was difficult, so difficult that it was a miracle she put my siblings and I through college, but somehow things worked out. It was these bleak moments in life that drove me to be successful in my career later on, but none of these early beginnings prepared me for what I was going to face in my mid 30s.

At the height of my success, I did everything, tried everything I could imagine, living each day as if it were my last. It was all I ever knew and along the way I earned many enemies for being a world-class annoyance. In the midst of enjoying life to the fullest, my life took an about turn during one of my regular social gatherings with friends and colleagues.

Unknowingly, I had consumed a drink containing illicit drugs. Within minutes, I fell into an epileptic shock and later into a coma. After 17 days absent from the world, I woke up to find the left side of my body completely paralyzed. I fell into depression; it was easier being dead than living with a disability.

That was just the beginning. Throughout the following months, countless problems arose from my being paralyzed. The mismanagement of my companies leading to the closure of one of my factories and 300 people being made redundant was just one of the many. There were also other problems that were fairly insignificant but added to my worries. Worst of all was the disappearance of my fiancé – the person I planned to spend the rest of my life with conveniently left because I was becoming a burden.

I was devastated. Close friends and relatives tried to console me but failed. Even my mother, the person I admired most for her strength, could not do much for me because I could not accept the situation I was in. I became completely self-absorbed, self-pitying and people visited me less often until it reached a point when no one came.

Months of depression went by painfully slowly. My life was a living death, and if euthanasia were legal, I would have lined up for it in my motorized wheelchair. It was during this time when an old friend of mine dropped by for a visit.

She gave me a bag with a present for me and also in the bag, there it was – a little green brochure (similar to the one on this website). I tossed the brochure away; I did not want religion. My friend started explaining how this meditation could heal body, mind and spirit. She was so persistent that I finally gave in, thinking I had nothing to lose, and after all, I could definitely use some healing.

I found my way to this website and devoured its contents in less than a month. There really isn’t much for a partially paralyzed person to do besides reading. I never considered myself a religious person; however I found the Dorje Shugden controversy fairly interesting and that got me reading. Over time, I also started reciting Dorje Shugden’s prayers and even printed out a picture of him that I found on the website.

My interest in Buddhism grew alongside the prayers I was reciting daily. I began reading more extensively about Tibetan Buddhism, particularly Lama Yeshe’s books, which helped me regain some of my confidence and optimism. Dorje Shugden’s prayers in particular eased my mind and after so many months of being trapped in depression, it was a relief to have my mind unclouded gradually, so much so that I was willing to give physical therapy a try.

One year on, I am still partially paralyzed, and my problems are still present, although many of them are slowly dissipating. But I am happier and each day passes with greater hope as I have a more positive outlook on life. I just wanted to share my chance meeting with Dorje Shugden and how it changed my life for the better. I hope this story can perhaps inspire others with similar or even worse conditions, to not give up. Dorje Shugden’s practice is amazing; he lifted me up from my depression and I truly appreciate what he has done for me.

~ Fiete Michi

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  1. Dear Michi,

    Thanks for writing in this beautiful article and share with us your life stories. I hope everything is fine on your side and do continue your dorje shugden practice as He is very compassionate Buddha who would help all beings. To me, I have been practicing for years and never come across any negative experiences as said by anti-shugden fellas. Rumours out there does not justify anything. In fact, I got helped whenever needed. It’s too magical..Keep up your practice and may you be well soon :)

  2. Absolutely beautiful.

  3. Thank You admin for posting Michi real life testimony.

    when Karma ripens, it comes un-announce and we are not even prepare to face it at that point of time. But indeed with Dharma understanding and reliance on Dharma Protector, we will see our mind become relax and see the whole issue that we are facing in a different perspective.

    Thank you for this wonderful testimonial and reminding us how Dorje Shugden had helped each and everyone of us during our darkest time. I wish you well and get well soon Michi.

  4. The protector really buys us the time for us to recover so we can think about the predicament we have gone through and we can build towards a new future.

  5. Thank you for sharing Fiete Michi! Despite all your difficulties I rejoice for you that you found a way, in the great protector Dorje Shugden to relieve and heal all the pain.I pray that many many more sentient beings have the merits like yourself to meet such a great Buddha !

  6. Eli yeah but how many really do? Honestly speaking how do you know that every single day you wake up, its not with the blessings of the protector that we didnt die in our sleep? And understanding that, how come so many dont do more with that blessing-which-we-may-not-even-know-is-a-blessing? If we were smart about it, we wouldnt need Shugden to buy us time. We would think about what weve already wasted, and use what we have left to do something more because no one is going to live forever and not even through the power of the Buddhas can we be made immortal… Shugden cant buy us time forever.

  7. You know what Gaz? Eli was just trying to be nice and rejoice and help people to see they’ve gone through obstacles but don’t let it stop there. What’s wrong with you?? Stop being so nasty and critical about it.

  8. Thank you Michi for sharing this wonderful story with us very inspiring , very happy for you that you have found a new life in your life I think us very beautiful that we can take in this challenge in life that it actually make us stronger and in the future we can withstand even more challenge continue the DS practices because it really help .

  9. Yes Gaz if we have developed bodhicitta and we have real refuge in Karma we may not need a protector anymore, but most of us have not. We do need a helping hand and work hard at developing ourselves on the spiritual path.

  10. Thank you very much Fiete Michi for your story! I wish you well and please continue to do His practice. How wonderful that you persevered and felt the difference.
    I was depressed for other reasons and I had no where else to turn to but I was lucky to have come across His practice by chance. I was always interested in spiritual practice but never really had the chance to dwell deeper until I was at my lowest.
    How fortunate are we at this time, to see Him and connect!

  11. @Eli – We don’t need a protector as we have been living without one anyway. The miracles that Dorje Shugden bestow on us is to develop real faith in the Dharma. Hence, he will always do it in a way that encourages us on the path and never away from it. Hence, sometimes Dorje Shugden deliberately does not fulfil our prayers because that would be detrimental to our spiritual growth. What we really need to do is surrender to the will of Dorje Shugden and we will be totally fine.

  12. This is very nice sharing as I believe a lot of people are now having depression out there. The world is very challenging now. Every move is very fast. The life tragedy could happen anyway to anybody. This is just hard to predict. However, life is still going on. We ourselves need to overcome all the obstacles and hardship.

    Shugden practice is powerful and suitable to overcome the depression. The practice could make us positive and be strong. I personally tested the practice and it works.

    I hope for those people are under hardship are able to connect to this deity and start the practice.

  13. Thank you so much Michi for sharing your painful story and how Protector Dorje Shugden helped you out your depression. I hope that my message finds you in better physical condition with therapy. One thing to remember though is that the when we are in control of our mind, many things can be achieved. Dorje Shugden promised to create the suitable conditions for us to attain in our Dharma practice. Although your karma brought on life in a wheel chair, you now have all the time in the world to learn and practice, which is what many people do not have. May your propitiation of Dorje Shugden bring you much blessings.

  14. Lucky that your friend was so very sincere with very good motivation and got you started on religion. Dorje Shugden practice have been known to dispel depression and many other problems of the mind. Thus, once that has been cleared, you are better able to learn the dharma. Thus a drop at a time, the dharma is infused into you. Dorje Shugden clears all obstacles and obscurations if you connect and propitiate him with good motivation.

    You are very blessed to have such a friend and you must have done something very right somewhere along the line for though your paralysis may seem a terrible thing to happen to you, it has brought you to dharma and secure a better place for your next life.

    May you always be blessed by the Three Jewels.

  15. Dear Dalai Lama,

    Since you started the cruel ban against the 350 year Dorje Shugden practice, how has it benefit your Tibetan society and Buddhism in the world? Things have become worse and most educated Tibetans can see this. They don’t speak out not because they don’t see your ban as wrong, but you instill fear in them and not respect. It is like fear of a dictator. I am sorry to say so. Everyone is divided. There is no harmony. Before your ban there was more harmony and unity.

    By enacting the ban, you split the monasteries, split so many families, split regions in Tibet apart, split your disciples from you, split your own gurus from you, split Tibetan Buddhism apart. You have created so much disharmony.

    It is not democratic what you have done to ban a religion within your community. You always talk of tolerance and acceptance and democracy and yet you do not accept and tolerate something different from your beliefs. When people practice Dorje Shugden you ostracize them, ban them from seeing you, ban them from using Tibetan facilities. You know you have done that. There are videos that capture your speech and prove this point. You even had people expelled from monasteries just because they practice Dorje Shugden. Some of the monks you expelled have been in the monastery for over 40 years. Many older monks shed tears because of this.

    Many young educated Tibetans lost confidence in you as they saw the damage the Dorje Shugden ban created and they lose hope. Many have become free thinkers. They reject what you have done. So many people in the west left Buddhism because of the confusion you created with this ban against Dorje Shugden which is immoral.

    You could of had millions of people who practice Dorje Shugden to support, love and follow you, but you scared them away. They are hurt and very disappointed. They loved you and respected you deeply before the ban. It has been 60 years and you have failed to get Tibet back. Your biggest failure is not getting Tibet back after 57 years in exile. Now you are begging China to allow you to return to Tibet to the disappointment of thousands of people who fought for a free Tibet believing in you. So many self-immolated for a free Tibet and now you want Tibet to be a part of China with no referendum from Tibetans. Just like a dictator, you decide on your own. It was your government and you that lost Tibet in the first place. Your policies and style of doing things do not benefit Tibet and Buddhism. You have been the sole ruler of Tibet your whole life and you still have not gotten our country of Tibet back for us. Our families and us are separated. Yet you create more pain by creating a ban to further divide people. Please have compassion.

    No other Buddhist leader has banned or condemned any religion except for you. It looks very bad. You are a Nobel laureate and this is not fitting of a laureate. You should unite people and not separate them by religious differences.

    You said Ms. Aung San Suu Kyi did not do right to the Rohingya people in Myanmar due to religious differences, but you are doing the same thing to the Shugden Buddhists within your own society. There is a parallel in this. You separate the Shugden Buddhists from the others in Tibetan society.

    You have lost so many people who would have loved and supported you. You have lost so much support around the world. The Shugden Buddhists who love you number in the millions. When you are fast losing support from governments and private people, it will not do you well to lose more.

    After you are passed away in the future, the rift you created between the Dorje Shugden and non-Dorje Shugden people will remain for a while and that will be your legacy. Disharmony. You will be remembered for this. Not as a hero but a disharmony creator.

    Dorje Shugden will spread and further grow, but you will be no more as you are a human. No one wishes you bad and in fact we hope you have a long and healthy life, but we have lost so much hope and have so much despair because of you. All the hundreds of Dorje Shugden lamas, tulkus and geshes are maturing and there are hundreds of Dorje Shugden monasteries in Tibet who will not give up Dorje Shugden. You have made a mistake. These hundreds of teachers and teachers to be will spread Dorje Shugden further in the future.

    The gurus that gave us Dorje Shugden as a spiritual practice and you have called these holy gurus wrong and they are mistaken in giving us Dorje Shugden. How can you insult our gurus whom we respect so much? If they can be wrong, then you can be wrong. Then all gurus can be wrong. So no one needs to listen to any guru? You have created this trend. It is not healthy. Your own gurus practiced Dorje Shugden their whole lives. Your own gurus were exemplary and highly learned.

    Dalai Lama you have created so much pain with this ban against so many people due to religion. You are ageing fast. Are you going to do anything about it or stay stubborn, hard and un-moving. You show a smile and preach peace and harmony wherever you go. But will you do the same to your own people? Please rectify the wrong you have done. Please before it is too late. You can create harmony again or you can pass away in the future with this legacy of peace. May you live long and think carefully and admit what was a mistake in having this unethical ban against Dorje Shugden religion.

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.…Instead of turning away people who practise Dorje Shugden, we should be kind to them. Give them logic and wisdom without fear, then in time they give up the ‘wrong’ practice. Actually Shugden practitioners are not doing anything wrong. But hypothetically, if they are, wouldn’t it be more Buddhistic to be accepting? So those who have views against Dorje Shugden should contemplate this. Those practicing Dorje Shugden should forbear with extreme patience, fortitude and keep your commitments. The time will come as predicted that Dorje Shugden’s practice and it’s terrific quick benefits will be embraced by the world and it will be a practice of many beings.

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