Author Topic: ANGER  (Read 16418 times)

Positive Change

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ANGER
« on: May 27, 2012, 01:40:03 PM »
"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Buddha

Such a simple yet profound phrase that applies to each and every one of us. Why do we do it? Out of ignorance? Merely venting for the moment without care for the karmic repercussions? Or just a habituation of sorts?

We all have anger in us but its how we actually subdue and overcome it and in a way use that potent emotional energy for a higher purpose is what matters. If we realise the cause and effect of karma and how it relates to our present life, we will then begin to understand that these moments are very much in our control if we choose to act upon it and curb the very enemy in our heads/minds

Tammy

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2012, 01:59:08 PM »
"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Buddha

Such a simple yet profound phrase that applies to each and every one of us. Why do we do it? Out of ignorance? Merely venting for the moment without care for the karmic repercussions? Or just a habituation of sorts?

We all have anger in us but its how we actually subdue and overcome it and in a way use that potent emotional energy for a higher purpose is what matters. If we realise the cause and effect of karma and how it relates to our present life, we will then begin to understand that these moments are very much in our control if we choose to act upon it and curb the very enemy in our heads/minds
Thanks you PC for the sharing Buddha's words of wisdom.

Holding on anger is the surest way to self destruction! Someone hurt or offended you, you feel hurt, sad and angry... this feeling is kept deep inside you for years and years and years. The anger grows as time goes by and even though the person who hurt you had forgotten about the incident you are still angry! Unable to forgive and forget! Never mind karmic consequence, you are suffering from the anger that you held on. Each time you remember the hurtful incident, it hurts you yet another time. So not worth it!!!

By holding onto anger towards someone, I think we are creating a very negative yet strong karmic connection with the person we are angry at, the next lifetime when we meet, I am sure the situation would not be pleasant..

Why not forgive and forget, let go of the feeling, stop creating negative karmic by our mind.
Down with the BAN!!!

vajratruth

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2012, 04:28:06 PM »
Unfortunately anger is a very significant and common trait in human beings. In Buddhism it is known as one of the three poisons. Everybody gets angry and anger when expressed feeds itself rather than exhausts itself. Anger begets anger.

Among some of the more important shifts in perspectives since I started learning the dharma is the notion that I have anger, but I am not my anger. Anger does not and need not define me. And I am not obliged to automatically turn unfavorable situations into intense, unhealthy and negative states of emotions . The key word is "automatically" and I think it is important to recognize how we do not think about and later on decide to unleash our anger. We just became angry. It is an impulse.

But anger should be seen as any other emotion that is not real. It has  no substance other than the substance that we feed it. We conditions ourselves to be angry when certain things happen or fail to happen, and therefore if we want to, we can recondition it. And the first thing to do in that reconditioning is to understand that the conditions that arise to make us angry IS our karma and therefore no one else is to be blamed.

Also it is useful to acknowledge that having the state of mind that leads to anger is also our karma.

In both scenarios, we have to accept responsibility instead of focussing the blame on external factors for our anger. Taking responsibility for being in and angry state means that if it is MINE, then it is also MINE TO CHANGE.

I like to share a story that gives us a quick insight as to how anger can be easily defeated:

Once there lived a demon who had a peculiar diet: he fed on the anger of others. And as his feeding ground was the human world, there was no lack of food for him. He found it quite easy to provoke a family quarrel, or national and racial hatred. Even to stir up a war was not very difficult for him. And whenever he succeeded in causing a war, he could properly gorge himself without much further effort; because once a war starts, hate multiplies by its own momentum and affects even normally friendly people. So the demon's food supply became so rich that he sometimes had to restrain himself from over-eating, being content with nibbling just a small piece of resentment found close-by.

But as it often happens with successful people, he became rather overbearing and one day when feeling bored he thought: "Shouldn't I try it with the gods?" On reflection he chose the Heaven of the Thirty-three Deities, ruled by Sakka, Lord of Gods. He knew that only a few of these gods had entirely eliminated the fetters of ill-will and aversion, though they were far above petty and selfish quarrels. So by magic power he transferred himself to that heavenly realm and was lucky enough to come at a time when Sakka the Divine King was absent. There was none in the large audience hall and without much ado the demon seated himself on Sakka's empty throne, waiting quietly for things to happen, which he hoped would bring him a good feed. Soon some of the gods came to the hall and first they could hardly believe their own divine eyes when they saw that ugly demon sitting on the throne, squat and grinning. Having recovered from their shock, they started to shout and lament: "Oh you ugly demon, how can you dare to sit on the throne of our Lord? What utter cheekiness! What a crime! you should be thrown headlong into the hell and straight into a boiling cauldron! You should be quartered alive! Begone! Begone!"

But while the gods were growing more and more angry, the demon was quite pleased because from moment to moment he grew in size, in strength and in power. The anger he absorbed into his system started to ooze from his body as a smoky red-glowing mist. This evil aura kept the gods at a distance and their radiance was dimmed.

Suddenly a bright glow appeared at the other end of the hall and it grew into a dazzling light from which Sakka emerged, the King of Gods. He who had firmly entered the undeflectible Stream that leads Nibbana-wards, was unshaken by what he saw. The smoke-screen created by the gods' anger parted when he slowly and politely approached the usurper of his throne. "Welcome, friend! Please remain seated. I can take another chair. May I offer you the drink of hospitality? Our Amrita is not bad this year. Or do you prefer a stronger brew, the vedic Soma?"

While Sakka spoke these friendly words, the demon rapidly shrank to a diminutive size and finally disappeared, trailing behind a whiff of malodorous smoke which likewise soon dissolved.

— Based on Samyutta Nikaya, Sakka Samyutta, No. 22



RedLantern

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2012, 04:39:03 PM »
Anger isn't a simple emotion, and it feels a little different for each of us. It is not easily describe in only a word or two because  it's actually a secondary emotion- a reaction to fear.In Buddhism,anger is one of the five hindrances-the destructive emotions that bring confusion and misery.Fortunately,there are many valuable practices that can help us go beyond our primal fight or flight respond.We don't have to react with automatic anger or fear,but can learn more adaptive responses that will help us.


brian

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2012, 05:01:55 PM »
Anger is a way to self destruction, not only it doesn't help in solving an issue or problem but it aggravates it complicates it even more. I feel for the angersome people be it if they were frustrated in whatever way they are but they need to understand it doesn't solve the mateer at all. I believe the only thing to cure anger is by learning Dharma. Once we understand the problem, I feel the person will learn how to deal with the matter wisely whatever issue that will arise in future. It is also through learning that one will be able to understand the nature of things which are impermanent and u don't get what you wanted all the time. So throwing anger rather than just accepting is not wise at all.

DS Star

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2012, 12:32:58 AM »
Good story Vajratruth. Thank you.

The story showed us that actually ANGER can be easily defeated if we are not attach to the 8 worldly concerns and especially our ego and pride. The humble act of Sakka is the winner; instead of using his power to chase away the demon who sat on his throne, he showed great hospitality.

Reflecting on this story, we actually can apply it to our daily lives. Many a time, a fight or even a war was started due to anger arises from our inner demonic pride and selfish greed.

On many occasions, we will lose nothing else, just the ego but we still can't let go. Our anger will grow then we lost control... then we do the most harmful actions that we will regret...

Anger is the favourite means of our inner demon... don't let it wins.

buddhalovely

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2012, 03:05:21 PM »
Buddhism teaches mindfulness. Being mindful of ourselves is part of that. When an unpleasant emotion or thought arises, do not suppress it, run away from it, or deny it. Instead, observe it and fully acknowledge it. Being deeply honest with yourself about yourself is essential to Buddhism.

It’s important to understand that anger is something created by yourself. It didn’t come swooping out of the ether to infect you. We tend to think that anger is caused by something outside ourselves, such as other people or frustrating events. But my first Guru used to say, “No one makes you angry. You make yourself angry.”

Buddhism teaches us that anger is created by mind. However, when you are dealing with your own anger, you should be more specific. Anger challenges us to look deeply into ourselves. Most of the time, anger is self-defensive. It arises from unresolved fears or when our ego-buttons are pushed.

As Buddhists we recognize that ego, fear and anger are insubstantial and ephemeral, not “real.” They’re ghosts, in a sense. Allowing anger to control our actions amounts to being bossed around by ghosts.

pgdharma

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2012, 04:07:12 PM »
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.' - Buddha

All of us have anger in us. Anger is an emotion that arises due to ego. When someone hurts or disturbs us we get angry. It is normal to blame those whom we believe caused the harm.  However, when we condemn and try to punish people for inconveniencing us; that condemnation is like Buddha's hot coal. So we should control our emotions and dropped the hot coal instead of throwing it at someone else. Since anger is created by us, it can also be removed by us. Watch and catch our mind before we lash out at someone. If we do not forgive and forget and let go, we will be the one who gets burned.

bambi

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2012, 04:27:57 AM »
I used to be bitter and angersome most of the time. That was because I didn't know that being happy is so beautiful! To be able to forgive and let go have made my life so wonderful and I look forward to each passing day. Whenever I see people whom I don't know full of anger and hate, I walk away. When my family members get angry, I use other methods to counter them without making them more angry nor hurting them. And it gets worse when we say something we cannot undo and hurt the other person without us knowing.

Question: "Where does hatred come from?"

Dalai Lama : "That is a question which requires long hours of discussion. From the Buddhist viewpoint, the simple answer is that it is beginningless. As a further explanation, Buddhists believe that there are many different levels of consciousness. The most subtle consciousness is what we consider the basis of the previous life, this life, and future lives. This subtle consciousness is a transient phenomenon which comes about as a consequence of causes and conditions. Buddhists have concluded that consciousness itself cannot be produced by matter. Therefore, the only alternative is to accept the continuation of consciousness. So that is the basis of the theory of rebirth.

Where there is consciousness, ignorance and hatred also arise naturally. These negative emotions, as well as the positive emotions, occur right from beginningless time. All these are a part of our mind. However, these negative emotions actually are based on ignorance, which has no valid foundation. None of the negative emotions, no matter how powerful, have a solid foundation. On the other hand, the positive emotions, such as compassion or wisdom, have a solid basis: there is a kind of grounding and rootedness in reason and understanding, which is not the case with afflictive emotions like anger and hatred.

The basic nature of the subtle consciousness itself is something neutral. So it is possible to purify or eliminate all of these negative emotions. That basic nature we call Buddha-nature. Hatred and negative emotions are beginningless; they have no beginning, but there is an end. Consciousness itself has no beginning and no end; of this we are certain."


A short story to read

A BAG OF NAILS

Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."


Taken from http://viewonbuddhism.org/anger.html

Manjushri

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #9 on: June 01, 2012, 04:56:45 PM »
"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Buddha

During the moment of anger, where you really wish that you could punch the other person and break their nose, all that clouds your mind is how you can get back at him/her, why this, why that. And what is funny is that more often than not, you won't blame yourself for the intense anger that you feel in you. It is always BECAUSE of the other party. Them them them. But after that moment of anger passes, you feel fine again, so getting angry in the first place was so redundant wasn't it?

And this quote smacks you in the face, telling you that the ultimate person who suffers form you being angry is yourself. There is no benefit, no harm is done to the other person you are angry at (unless it is physical harm), you just 'kill' yourself. Why? The anger rises in you, the poison is your attachment to yourself, so when things aren't right for you, inconveniences you, takes you out of your comfort zone and what you're willing to do, your selfish mind automatically blames the other party. But since it arises from you, why blame others and get angry? Being angry is our way of telling ourselves that we are not at fault, and that the other person is wrong.

dondrup

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2012, 05:47:30 AM »
Anger is one of the three poisons – ignorance, attachment and anger.  Anger can be defined as a deluded mental factor that observes its contaminated object, exaggerates its bad qualities, considers it to be undesirable, and wishes to harm it.  Contaminated objects are objects that give rise to delusions or that cause them to increase. Examples are the environments, beings, and enjoyments of samsara.  There are many situations that give rise to anger.  For example we would spontaneously without any further consideration react angrily towards a person who criticizes us. Here the contaminated object is the person who had criticized us.  We would consider him undesirable because he found faults in us and criticized us.  Our ego mind is hurt by the criticism and felt that we have no faults and wants to protect and defend our reputation.  This egoistic and angry mind immediately wants to harm the person concerned. 
 
Anger is a very powerful force that will cause harm to others as well as us if we do not control and contain it.  Hence it is of utmost importance to exercise mindfulness and restraint whenever we detect those conditions that will give rise to our anger.  Prior to the onset of our anger, we should catch our negative thoughts and immediately eliminate them and not focus on them.  Otherwise these thoughts will trigger our anger.  When anger has already arisen, it is then too late to stop it. 
 
It will take a lot of effort to be able to control our anger.  We need to identify and familiarize ourselves with those conditions that will trigger the anger in us.  Contemplate on those conditions and find solutions to counter them.  We should constantly meditate on the faults of anger and the methods to eradicate them.  There are many useful methods to control anger.  For instance, we could apply the Lojong practice of accepting defeat and giving victory to others. The other is through the practice of Perfection of Patience.  Understanding emptiness lessens our grasping of self and others and we will realize that the subject, the object and the process of anger do not exist inherently.  In this way, we eliminate anger.

Jessie Fong

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #11 on: June 02, 2012, 05:58:28 AM »
Dear Tammy

On another topic, you wrote about an angry person who was out looking for a "victim" to vent her anger.

The post here by PA is so true about how "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Buddha.  Please talk with your friend and tell her that it is not worth it to be angersome.  What she needs is a friend to show her the correct way.

I am sure you are that friend, otherwise you would not have posted here, seeking suggestions to help this friend of yours.

Midakpa

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #12 on: June 02, 2012, 10:14:58 AM »
Anger is an emotion that can become a habit. It is a habit that can be learned in childhood from one's parents and playmates. It is potentially harmful to oneself as well as the person that the anger is directed at. But anger is an emotion that can be controlled by the mind. In Buddhism, we train the mind to concentrate on right thoughts which are supported by right effort and right understanding. If we train the mind to be pure and wholesome, we will lead happy, relaxed lives.

The Buddha said that "No enemy can harm one as much as one's own thoughts of craving, thoughts of hate, thoughts of jealousy and so on."

A man driven by anger is like a blind man. The antidote to anger is of course, patience. Be patient with everybody.

Midakpa

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #13 on: June 02, 2012, 10:35:14 AM »
Here are seven methods to overcome anger by Sudassa Inkom. I find them helpful. Try them:

1. Reflect on the harm of anger. Answer others' anger with non-anger. A person who can do this has gained a victory that is very hard to come by.
2. Think of the person's good qualities. If we can't find any good points, have pity on him/her. Think: "Dear, such a pitiful person will surely meet with dire circumstances..."
3. Reflect on the truth that being angry will just make suffering for yourself. There is no such thing as an angry person who is happy.
4. Reflect that all beings fare according to their karma. Karma built on anger will lead to regression. It will pull us down to the hell realm.
5. Reflect on the conduct of the Buddha. The Buddha never responded with anger when attacked or exploited by others.
6. Reflect on the fact that we have probably had relationships with all beings throughout the infinite history of Samsara. The person you are angry with was once your mother or father etc.
7. Reflect on the benefits of loving kindness. Metta has benefit and leads to goodwill. Goodwill will get rid of your anger and not allow it to arise again. One who is established in goodwill helps himself and others.

sonamdhargey

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Re: ANGER
« Reply #14 on: June 03, 2012, 10:12:16 AM »
Anger destroys everything in a blink of an eye. It destroys our rationale, our peace of mind, friendship, relationships and war always starts with anger and it can go on for years. When the anger is over, the devastation it leaves will linger for a very long time and some cannot recover at all. Acting out of anger is quick but the consequences stay on for long period of time and most of the time it is too late to turn back. It can leave permanent damage to our mental and physical health if not controlled.