Author Topic: Being "un-friended"  (Read 22011 times)

Midakpa

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #30 on: July 29, 2012, 05:06:19 PM »
My advice is not to unfriend them even though they have unfriended you. In Buddhism, we practice equanimity. Our aim is to benefit others. One day your former friends might come and ask for your help and advice and you will be able to help them because you would have some spiritual knowledge to share. When we meet people, always think how you can benefit them. If we can't help them in this life, there are always future lives. The same goes for your friends. You have made a connection with them in this life. This connection will enable you to help them in a future life.

Positive Change

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #31 on: July 29, 2012, 05:56:49 PM »
My advice is not to unfriend them even though they have unfriended you. In Buddhism, we practice equanimity. Our aim is to benefit others. One day your former friends might come and ask for your help and advice and you will be able to help them because you would have some spiritual knowledge to share. When we meet people, always think how you can benefit them. If we can't help them in this life, there are always future lives. The same goes for your friends. You have made a connection with them in this life. This connection will enable you to help them in a future life.

I agree with this very much. It is part of our practice to show/live by example. If we were to in turn "un-friend" them as well, we are no better. Best way to prove to them that their views are wrong is to make them understand through our own transformation. It is easier said then done of course... however, if we truly practice and contemplate on our own actions first and foremost, then it actually becomes easier.

Deal with the person closest with you, I always say... and that is myself!

There will always be skepticism from our friends especially when we are on an accelerated path of discovery and that is not because they disagree but perhaps they are unsure of the unknown. This is especially so with some of my Christian friends. My Catholic friends are more excepting somehow. And perhaps this is why:

Most liberal minded Christians all over the world have much respect and admiration for Buddhism only the fundamentalist feel threatened by it. Interestingly Christians tooks the miracles and teachings and even aspects like rosary, monk order, confession and even salvation from Buddhism and most scholars believe Jesus Christ studied Buddhism during his lost years. The reason why fundamentalist are scared is probably because Buddhism is the fastest growing religion among Westerners and the BBC confirmed that including India and China, the Buddha is worshiped by over 2.5 billion which is more than JC and Allah. Ever since the Chinese govt embraced its Buddhist heritage, the fundamentalist are feeling even more threatened especially as India and China are supposed to be the future powerhouses along with Japan (Buddhist) and the US. India too has a major campaign now to honour the Buddha.

Ensapa

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #32 on: August 01, 2012, 04:22:15 PM »
Recently, a few of my "friends" have unfriended me and I thought of this thread and I wanted to share what i realize about these friends who unfriended me, and when they did they did not even have the courtesy to say bye or sorry or something like that -- they just decide to stop talking to me and stop replying to my messages, months prior to that. It was very odd behavior for friends or people who would consider themselves as friends to behave. It is not that I stopped talking to them all of a sudden or over time, but rather, they decided to reduce contact and gradually snipped the friendship off. In the meantime, I have been making a lot of new friends that are basically more interesting and more stable in character compared to the old ones. In the past, I am not one of the best people around and my personality was really negative in some way. I was manipulative and i was not appreciative of the people around me. After meeting my Guru I gradually improved and perhaps, friends that I attracted during that time are dropping off because we do not have any common ground anymore, and last time that I checked, they have not improved in any way at all.

I felt sad at first, but soon i realize that most of these "friends" are not beneficial in any way, and they do drag me down and they have by making big things out of nothing. I do have some sort of an attachment to my friends but eventually, I realize it does not make a difference even if I dont have them in my life, and perhaps, the protector removed them so that I can focus more on my Dharma work which is more important in the long run. After evaluating their behaviors and their implications, I realize that it did not matter that they left my life, because somehow, our goals in life changed, and it was time for us to part.

buddhalovely

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #33 on: August 03, 2012, 07:13:49 AM »
Compulsive people prune their friend list periodically, removing people that they no longer have contact with. More often though, unfriending is only done when a particular friend's updates and self-promotions become so annoying that you can no longer stand hearing about them. Or you might unfriend someone when they anger you, however, this is not very effective since the person who is unfriended is not notified that you unfriended them.

Ensapa

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #34 on: December 06, 2012, 12:11:53 PM »
To me, unfriending or blocking someone on facebook on purpose is noting short of being petty and being close minded. If there are people who did that to me, even if they unblock me or added me back as a friend, things will never be the same again and I would not want to consider them as a friend again because the meaning of friendship is lost and it will just not be the same again.

If people block or unfriend you, good riddance as you never needed them in your life.

Tammy

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #35 on: December 09, 2012, 05:35:40 AM »
Ensapa, I do not agree with you! What you just shared was so 'un-Buddhist'. What happened to Buddha's teaching of compassion? compassion means love without conditions. If you friends, for whatever reasons (valid or invalid) un-friended you in Facebook (or in reali life), you should take stock of your own behaviour and how have changed since you two were friends.

Friendship is two-ways, it takes two to tango for friendship to last. For me, it would take a LOT to make me un-friend a person and I would let that person know what I feel before I stop contacting him/her.

My point - it is not always that we are RIGHT. There are times we are in the wrong and people are entitle to their opinion of you and decide if they want to continue to be associated with you.
Down with the BAN!!!

brian

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #36 on: December 09, 2012, 10:30:14 AM »
I did not have any "mundane" friend that actually unfriended me but I did notice they're partying among themselves now without inviting me. Most common answers from them when I asked why I wasn't invited was that I am fast becoming a monk or you are too busy for gatherings so we didn't invite you. I guess they will still dwell in their mundane activities and ignore whoever who doesn't want to join them anymore. Am I hurt? I felt it is normal and that goes to explain that they aren't my real friends really. Rather than supporting what I like to do, instead they just ignored. Fine with me.

Ensapa

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #37 on: December 10, 2012, 07:26:37 AM »
I have some friends that have unfriended me over a couple of months as I progress in my spiritual path, its not really about the fact that we have grown apart, but rather the intentions that they have towards me unveiled slowly. Some people just keep quiet for a long period of time after a small argument or they just decide to unfriend me without even talking about issues that might have gotten in the way. I find it all quite funny/sad/indifferent. yes it did hurt at first but then as i think deeper or try to contact them again, I just realize that my karma with them ended as they have other things in mind for the friendship and it was not of sincere reasons. Thinking back, it was a good thing to not be influenced by such negativities that can only drag me down over time.

psylotripitaka

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Re: Being "un-friended"
« Reply #38 on: December 10, 2012, 07:49:36 AM »
Jetsun Milarepa said 'how can one who takes all things as friends ever have problems'.

If we regard inner realization as the most important treasure, then being un-friended helps us in many many ways.