Author Topic: Re: Dealing with angry minds  (Read 25237 times)

diamond girl

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« on: June 14, 2011, 10:13:32 AM »
It has been commonly said that we cannot recognize another's strengths or flaws if we ourselves do not have it inherently in us. So, everyone has an angry mind, or shall I say the anger in the mind is latent and can be triggered.

I do like what Shugdentruth said about anger being a way to get things quickly. Anger is the general pre-requisite for all bullies in every high school.

Anger is also a result of ego. Anger in itself is just an energy and when converted through knowledge in Dharma and mind transformation, this same energy can be compassion, love...anything you want. It is more critical to deal with the human ego which the principle contributor to anger, hate, manipulation, lies and deceit...

When I pray to Dorje Shugden I offer up all my virtues, merits, flaws, so that I can clear my mind and let go of all that clutter. When the mind is clear or calm, we can learn better... and the Dharma seeds have good grounds to germinate.

shugdentruth

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2011, 06:50:39 PM »
I am so glad my angry mind has for the first time generated some positivity. I had a very bad temper and the change of lifestyle has really helped me tame the angry beast within myself. I have also noticed that when we get our angry mind under control, I am happier and more positive. This also have people around you being happier and more positive and very positive things will manifest.


Helena

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2011, 07:53:29 PM »
It has been commonly said that we cannot recognize another's strengths or flaws if we ourselves do not have it inherently in us. So, everyone has an angry mind, or shall I say the anger in the mind is latent and can be triggered.

When I pray to Dorje Shugden I offer up all my virtues, merits, flaws, so that I can clear my mind and let go of all that clutter. When the mind is clear or calm, we can learn better... and the Dharma seeds have good grounds to germinate.

I can relate to what you wrote, Diamond Girl.

We can't identify things that we do not know of ourselves. Therefore, if it is not already within us, we can't recognise it either.
Having said that, the source of our anger could be very different personal things.

For the longest time, I am completely adverse to people who like to talk in an angry tone, to the point that they are raising their voices. I didn't understand why they need to talk like that. I used to label these kind of raging talk as 'barking'.

I used to hate it when someone 'barked' at me, whether they have reason to or not. I cringed at the sound of it and I couldn't bear hearing people bark and bark at me. It used to turn me off so much that I would do my best to avoid these people altogether. I rather not even come within 500 miles of their reach.

Of course things became very challenging when I was working closely on one project with someone whose style was to 'bark' - from my my point of view anyways. And because this person was the head, we all had to dance according to his tune, moods and his direction. If he didn't like something, we would all get it. If he was not in a good mood, we all would feel it. And if something went wrong or we did a mistake, we would never heard the end of this incessant 'barking'.

However after attending much Dharma teachings and listening to my Guru's advice, I asked myself to look deeper into the source of my 'adverse reaction'. Why do I react this way to what I termed as 'barking'? Why would I term it as 'barking' in the first place and perceive it with such negative emotions?

After much contemplation, I found that the real source of my complete adverse reaction to anything that remotely sounds or looks like barking was because it was all tied to the memory of my father. My father was a very angry, moody and impatient person. I had always felt that I was walking on egg shells when I was around him. Whatever slight mistake I made, he would just shout at me and 'bark' at me until the cows came home. I hated every minute of it and I really couldn't stand it. It was the very thing that drove me up the wall and around the ceiling and then some!

Hence, from that intense memory of my father's barking, whenever I hear something similar or someone acting in somewhat the same way, it would trigger these memories and all its negative elements. And I would just react adversely to it. Although none of it had even anything to do with the memory of my father or my childhood. It was how I hung onto that perception. That inability to let go has caused me to relive the agony of 'barking' over and over again until recently, even though it was not my father and it had nothing to do with my father.

What's worse is that I started to perceive these so-called 'barkers' in a negative light and I begin to dislike as well. Then, in my heart and mind, I begin to harbour the same angry emotions towards them. But reality is, I was the one re-creating a scenario for me to relive something unpleasant in my past. And it was me who allowed these unhealthy thoughts and feelings to continue to haunt me for as long as they did.

It took a long time to understand this, let alone, accept. But when I began to let go, I found that it became easier for me to embrace the different people I come across in my everyday life. I am not so affected anymore, nor do I need to carry any angry feelings or thoughts against someone else. There is no re-living of a personal nightmare, orchestrated by me. And there is no adverse repercussions created by my own negative reactions towards others.

This peace of mind came late. But I was very glad that I managed to arrive to this point somehow. There is such a huge weight that has been lifted within me from the moment I began to see. And for that, I am indeed truly grateful.

These days, I adapt and work in much better terms with the people around me. What's encouraging is that I can begin to care more about those around me, as opposed to before due to my perception of 'barking'.






 
Helena

vajrastorm

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2011, 08:32:44 AM »
I agree with Triesa that we should train our minds to prevent it from reacting negatively when someone turns their anger on us. I also agree that we should train our minds following the Eight Verse of Thought Transformation. I would particularly like to highlight the Third Verse:
“In all my actions I will examine my mind
 and the moment a disturbing attitude arises
 endangering myself and others
 I will firmly confront and avert it.”

Training one’s mind is not easy. I believe that we need to continue to do a lot of purification practices, including Prostrations and Confession to The Thirty-Five Confessional Buddhas. To be able to spontaneously react positively and not negatively towards anger, one’s mind has to be cleared of all negative imprints as well as habituations of anger. Then, one needs to daily reflect and meditate on the "Eight Verses" especially the above verse and not merely recite it.

In the Lamrim, we learn that there are four effects of negative karma – one of them is the effect of ‘tendencies similar to the cause’. The tendency to get angry very fast is a product of many lifetimes of accumulated negativity of anger in our mindstream. That is why, in the Mahayana Purification practice of Confession to The Thirty-Five Confessional Buddhas, we express our regret and promise not to repeat negative actions again. In ‘promising not to repeat a negative action’(one of the ‘four opponent powers’ in this purification prayer), say of anger, if done sincerely and properly , we would have effectively applied ‘the opponent power’ to the cause and purified the karma. So we will have prevented the karma from ripening into the negative effect of ‘ a tendency (getting angry very quickly) similar to the cause(habituation of anger in our mindstream). Then we mindfully keep the promise and reduce our anger towards people. One purification practice alone is not enough. We need to do it again and again.

We also need to reinforce our daily purification practices with daily reflection, contemplation and meditation on "Eight Verses" and the above verse. A lot of hard work, but, I believe, well worth it. We all want freedom from suffering, don't we?

Positive Change

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2011, 01:44:19 PM »
Quote
Anger is also a result of ego. Anger in itself is just an energy and when converted through knowledge in Dharma and mind transformation, this same energy can be compassion, love...anything you want. It is more critical to deal with the human ego which the principle contributor to anger, hate, manipulation, lies and deceit...

I can see how 'anger' translates or turns into strong passionate energy with Dharma knowledge... It is actually quite a powerful trait as it fuels ones drive which is important. Sitting on the fence hardly takes us anywhere really!

Having said that, an 'angry mind' is not necessarily bad in itself... but it is what we do with and how we can transform that latent energy into something constructive and positive. I personally think the very title "dealing" with an angry mind says it all really!

diamond girl

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2011, 05:13:08 PM »
Thank you Helena for what you shared. It was quite personal I must say. I know many people who have "barking" fathers and even mothers.

I am happy to hear that you have tamed your mind and realize you created the situations of "barking" by holding on to your past. Also nice to see that your ego has let down too. Your ego of wanting to be right that people "bark" and thus warrant your resentment towards them prohibited you to grow and practice compassion even towards people who speak in ways you find unacceptable.

Do your Dorje Shugden mantras daily and contemplate on your anger and you will even remove anger altogether and tame the culprit - the ego.

Helena

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2011, 10:02:10 PM »
Thank you Helena for what you shared. It was quite personal I must say. I know many people who have "barking" fathers and even mothers.

I am happy to hear that you have tamed your mind and realize you created the situations of "barking" by holding on to your past. Also nice to see that your ego has let down too. Your ego of wanting to be right that people "bark" and thus warrant your resentment towards them prohibited you to grow and practice compassion even towards people who speak in ways you find unacceptable.

Do your Dorje Shugden mantras daily and contemplate on your anger and you will even remove anger altogether and tame the culprit - the ego.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, Diamond Girl. Yes, it was rather personal. I don't normally like to share personal details, but in this Forum, I felt that it might be beneficial to open up and share. We are all learning and making efforts to improve ourselves or our practice. Hence, I do appreciate it when others share and I do learn a great deal as a result of their personal sharing.

Sometimes we do get too caught up in our own imagined world of reality and we believe it is right.

You are very right in pointing out what is the real culprit and that is the ego. The ego has it ways to disguise itself as many things. We are fooled by it most of the time. And we pay dearly because of it.

I am just relieved that I do not harbour any more negative views or feelings on others. Carrying or holding onto an angry mind or feelings does take so much out of a person. And yet it does no good at all for anyone, including that person.

I especially liked what Vajrastorm wrote here. Reminding us all of a valuable verse.

“In all my actions I will examine my mind
 and the moment a disturbing attitude arises
 endangering myself and others
 I will firmly confront and avert it.”

Training one’s mind is not easy. I believe that we need to continue to do a lot of purification practices, including Prostrations and Confession to The Thirty-Five Confessional Buddhas. To be able to spontaneously react positively and not negatively towards anger, one’s mind has to be cleared of all negative imprints as well as habituations of anger. Then, one needs to daily reflect and meditate on the "Eight Verses" especially the above verse and not merely recite it.

We also need to reinforce our daily purification practices with daily reflection, contemplation and meditation on "Eight Verses" and the above verse. A lot of hard work, but, I believe, well worth it. We all want freedom from suffering, don't we?

Yes, training one's mind is not easy. After all, we have had lifetimes of habituation in all these negative behaviours and thought patterns.
To break them all, takes time and consistent applied efforts.

In the main page of this website, I found these words to be especially true -

Consistency and long term practice always bear fruits. Dedicate yourself to the protector for the Kali Yuga age. A time where materialism, wrong view and results of negative karma manifests as something positive. We need to rely on Dorje Shugden more these days as the obstacles are staggering. Never forget to do your prayers, sadhanas, serkym and purification daily with Dorje Shugden. It will make a tremendous difference in your life both long and short term.


These days, I do incorporate Vajrasattvas, serkym and the 35 Confessional Buddhas into my daily prayers. I do find them most effective and helpful.

What will become of us all if we didn't have the good fortune to meet the Gurus and have these precious teachings or practices?
Helena

triesa

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2011, 11:04:49 AM »
It has been commonly said that we cannot recognize another's strengths or flaws if we ourselves do not have it inherently in us. So, everyone has an angry mind, or shall I say the anger in the mind is latent and can be triggered.

When I pray to Dorje Shugden I offer up all my virtues, merits, flaws, so that I can clear my mind and let go of all that clutter. When the mind is clear or calm, we can learn better... and the Dharma seeds have good grounds to germinate.

I can relate to what you wrote, Diamond Girl.

We can't identify things that we do not know of ourselves. Therefore, if it is not already within us, we can't recognise it either.
Having said that, the source of our anger could be very different personal things.

For the longest time, I am completely adverse to people who like to talk in an angry tone, to the point that they are raising their voices. I didn't understand why they need to talk like that. I used to label these kind of raging talk as 'barking'.

I used to hate it when someone 'barked' at me, whether they have reason to or not. I cringed at the sound of it and I couldn't bear hearing people bark and bark at me. It used to turn me off so much that I would do my best to avoid these people altogether. I rather not even come within 500 miles of their reach.

Of course things became very challenging when I was working closely on one project with someone whose style was to 'bark' - from my my point of view anyways. And because this person was the head, we all had to dance according to his tune, moods and his direction. If he didn't like something, we would all get it. If he was not in a good mood, we all would feel it. And if something went wrong or we did a mistake, we would never heard the end of this incessant 'barking'.

However after attending much Dharma teachings and listening to my Guru's advice, I asked myself to look deeper into the source of my 'adverse reaction'. Why do I react this way to what I termed as 'barking'? Why would I term it as 'barking' in the first place and perceive it with such negative emotions?

After much contemplation, I found that the real source of my complete adverse reaction to anything that remotely sounds or looks like barking was because it was all tied to the memory of my father. My father was a very angry, moody and impatient person. I had always felt that I was walking on egg shells when I was around him. Whatever slight mistake I made, he would just shout at me and 'bark' at me until the cows came home. I hated every minute of it and I really couldn't stand it. It was the very thing that drove me up the wall and around the ceiling and then some!

Hence, from that intense memory of my father's barking, whenever I hear something similar or someone acting in somewhat the same way, it would trigger these memories and all its negative elements. And I would just react adversely to it. Although none of it had even anything to do with the memory of my father or my childhood. It was how I hung onto that perception. That inability to let go has caused me to relive the agony of 'barking' over and over again until recently, even though it was not my father and it had nothing to do with my father.

What's worse is that I started to perceive these so-called 'barkers' in a negative light and I begin to dislike as well. Then, in my heart and mind, I begin to harbour the same angry emotions towards them. But reality is, I was the one re-creating a scenario for me to relive something unpleasant in my past. And it was me who allowed these unhealthy thoughts and feelings to continue to haunt me for as long as they did.

It took a long time to understand this, let alone, accept. But when I began to let go, I found that it became easier for me to embrace the different people I come across in my everyday life. I am not so affected anymore, nor do I need to carry any angry feelings or thoughts against someone else. There is no re-living of a personal nightmare, orchestrated by me. And there is no adverse repercussions created by my own negative reactions towards others.

This peace of mind came late. But I was very glad that I managed to arrive to this point somehow. There is such a huge weight that has been lifted within me from the moment I began to see. And for that, I am indeed truly grateful.

These days, I adapt and work in much better terms with the people around me. What's encouraging is that I can begin to care more about those around me, as opposed to before due to my perception of 'barking'.






 

Helena, I am in complete resonance with what you wrote here.

I am like you, do not like to be around with people who always "bark" at the onset of anything that doesn't please them or go their way.
At first, I really don't feel there is any need to talk to others like this.... but than later when I understand what emotions are going behind the barking, I look at them deifferently.

People who likes to bark, shout or humilate people around them are actually very unhappy people, because I would think  happy person would be overflowing with positive energy and making everyone around him happy  too.

I begin to not to react in a negative way when I am around with these angersome people. There is obviously no point to engage in an arguement, because this will stimulate even more anger from  the person.

I choose to remain silent, not aggressive, but letting the person win....and all I hope is that this person will realise someday that there is ABSOLUTElY no need to talk in such a manner as I have no intention at all to fight or bark back at him.

And so far, he has been barking less....... :)

Positive Change

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2011, 11:19:53 AM »


Quote
I am like you, do not like to be around with people who always "bark" at the onset of anything that doesn't please them or go their way.
At first, I really don't feel there is any need to talk to others like this.... but than later when I understand what emotions are going behind the barking, I look at them deifferently.

People who likes to bark, shout or humilate people around them are actually very unhappy people, because I would think  happy person would be overflowing with positive energy and making everyone around him happy  too.

I begin to not to react in a negative way when I am around with these angersome people. There is obviously no point to engage in an arguement, because this will stimulate even more anger from  the person.

I choose to remain silent, not aggressive, but letting the person win....and all I hope is that this person will realise someday that there is ABSOLUTElY no need to talk in such a manner as I have no intention at all to fight or bark back at him.

And so far, he has been barking less.......

Interesting to note that in the threads leading up to what triesa shared here is that how we "react" is the way we kinda in a way "make" people "react". Hence it is "RE-ACT" and not "ACT". It is really a reaction we are dealing with here.

If we can just curb our minds to focus on the good and the positive, and if that in turn makes others around us "react" in a similar way, won't this world be a much better and certainly more pleasant!

It all sounds great in written words but I need to put it in practice more as I sometimes feel I am biting my tongue off just to refrain from RE-acting! We are so ingrained in protecting ourselves we often forget everyone else around us is exactly THE SAME. Everyone is after self preservation! And all this from the mere power of THOUGHT. We have not even touched on ACTION yet... mind blowing but in a good way...

WoselTenzin

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2011, 02:40:41 PM »

Helena, I am in complete resonance with what you wrote here.

I am like you, do not like to be around with people who always "bark" at the onset of anything that doesn't please them or go their way.
At first, I really don't feel there is any need to talk to others like this.... but than later when I understand what emotions are going behind the barking, I look at them deifferently.

People who likes to bark, shout or humilate people around them are actually very unhappy people, because I would think  happy person would be overflowing with positive energy and making everyone around him happy  too.

I begin to not to react in a negative way when I am around with these angersome people. There is obviously no point to engage in an arguement, because this will stimulate even more anger from  the person.

I choose to remain silent, not aggressive, but letting the person win....and all I hope is that this person will realise someday that there is ABSOLUTElY no need to talk in such a manner as I have no intention at all to fight or bark back at him.

And so far, he has been barking less....... :)


I like what Triesa said about happy people are usually overflowing with positive energy.  Knowing this does help me not react towards angersome and hurtful people because I begin to understand that they are such because they are probably angry and unhappy inside. 

Therefore, they express themselves in a way that hurt others. Since we cannot avoid people like that who are around us, I feel that when we encounter such a person, understanding their nature, we should not react to them.  Hopefully by us not reacting, eventually it will make them see their own problems and make them look inwards to find a solution and eventually peace for themselves and not hurt others. 

Reena Searl

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2011, 06:35:46 PM »
Angry mind  is a sign of EGO ! i realized this is very true. i experienced this personally and do my best to avoid.
It can be destructive and lead to problems, may be at work, relationships etc

Therefore,Whenever I encounter problems with people and causing anger  , i catch my mind quickly and choose not to have such an angry mind to disturb me , thus, anger towards people reduced, tolerance level also increased.

Thanks for sharing such topic

Barzin

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #11 on: June 22, 2011, 06:47:55 PM »
Angry mind is super scary!  It can lead to depression and suppression of anger.  It can lead to physical violence if it is really bad.  A person will lost his conscious when he is angry.  People will get a hurt and things destroyed.  Come to think of it, wasn't it too much trouble...  to clean up, to fight, to prove one's wrong... so tiring...  hehe...

So it is better to catch that angry mind, be calm.  And look for solution in a calm and a positive manner.  It makes everything around better actually.

dsiluvu

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #12 on: June 22, 2011, 09:08:43 PM »
The one being angry is the one being hurt actually. Not really anyone else...so why stress out and hurt yourself... I know it is easier said them done. That is why Buddhism is so logical, the very person you are angry about with is probably your very teacher, they help you to practice all those things we learn about compassion, love and patience. It's like they are there to test what you have practice out. And I myself realise that the very fault you see in others is also your own faults otherwise how can one even recognise?

Being angry is a negative energy that grow like wild fire...it is not world it because only you end up miserable and unhappy...what is the point..

vajrastorm

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #13 on: June 23, 2011, 07:55:34 AM »

I agree with Barzin that an angry mind is “super scary”, especially when anger escalates into destructiveness. How about a scenario where an already highly charged angry mind is pushed into ‘blind’ red anger that sees no other recourse but destroying himself and everyone around him  (in this instance the ones around him are actually his loved ones – his wife, mother and son).

The scenario gets even scarier when the ghost of this guy comes back to exact revenge from the one who provoked him into ‘blind’ red anger. He gets his revenge when this second guy is driven to commit suicide.

As this happens to be a true story, I wonder how many rounds of escalating negative karma will be created over how many lifetimes before one of the two players above decides to ‘cut it off’ and forgive the other.

Thus does Dharma teach us to forgive and to accept another’s apology with love and compassion for the happiness and well-being of all. Thus does Dharma teach us how very necessary it us for us to control destructive emotions like anger.

Dondrup Shugden

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2011, 03:22:21 PM »
Being angry is common with many people.  However, if being angry with oneself and contemplating on the source of anger can be very empowering for mind transformation. Sadly, most of the time, anger is used to either take advantage of others or simply to bully others.

As what Positive Change says, harnessing anger or any form of strong emotions within our puny mind,can be changed to very positive energy.  Anger is a very strong emotion, understand the source and I believe we can have mind transformation.

My anger used be destructive to many people around me.  On learning the Dharma, I am trying to change the source and effect of my anger and when it comes I curb myself from being destructive. My anger always arises when I feel that someone is not doing well for herself or himself, and this is all about my ego in judging the standards and way of things to be done.

I have not cultivated my anger to be a source of good energy, but I am trying and let it be known, it is now easy. I aspire to have better control of my anger and praying to Dorje Shugden will work.