Author Topic: Re: Dealing with angry minds  (Read 22682 times)

Positive Change

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #30 on: July 21, 2011, 06:00:29 AM »
I pray no one ever experiences such angersome minds in their lives... ones that manifest into physical anger. But the sad reality is, it happens and we do not even hear of such matters till its too late. Curb that angry mind before we hurt someone we love!

And before we hurt someone we hate too?
Because we most likely hurt people we hate...
At least intentionally.

So I guess, working on anger is also working on the compartmentalization we apply to people we love, those we hate and those we could not be bothered with....

I think there are once again two sides to this coin. Often through our angersome minds we hurt on what I define as two levels. Neither is better or worse:

1. We hurt the ones we hate. This seems the "logical" thing we do. We hate them anyways so no skin off my nose. It is hence perhaps "easier"!
2. We hurt the ones we love. This may at first thought seem illogical as one may say "why would we hurt the ones we love?". Is this true? More often than not, we do hurt the ones we love... because in a rather sadistic way, hurt is most effective when it is directed at the ones we love. YES we all know that is true. These are the "victims" whose buttons we know how to press. Where it hurts most, etc. Hence the phrase "we often hurt the ones we love". Whether consciencely or subconsciencely is irrelevant as the results are the same... we HURT through ANGER.

Thus... realise our anger, identify from whence our anger arises and most of all curb it!

hope rainbow

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #31 on: July 22, 2011, 01:07:24 PM »
I think there are once again two sides to this coin. Often through our angersome minds we hurt on what I define as two levels. Neither is better or worse:

1. We hurt the ones we hate. This seems the "logical" thing we do. We hate them anyways so no skin off my nose. It is hence perhaps "easier"!
2. We hurt the ones we love. This may at first thought seem illogical as one may say "why would we hurt the ones we love?". Is this true? More often than not, we do hurt the ones we love... because in a rather sadistic way, hurt is most effective when it is directed at the ones we love. YES we all know that is true. These are the "victims" whose buttons we know how to press. Where it hurts most, etc. Hence the phrase "we often hurt the ones we love". Whether consciencely or subconsciencely is irrelevant as the results are the same... we HURT through ANGER.

Thus... realise our anger, identify from whence our anger arises and most of all curb it!

So we actually sometimes "hate" those we "love", then hurt them, then "hate" ourselves for hurting them and then "love" them again in a redemptive move?
Un-enlightened love is real hard work actually...

KhedrubGyatso

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #32 on: August 21, 2011, 04:04:47 AM »
Everyone seem to know quite a lot about anger, its associated dangers and the importance of dealing with it. But how do we actually deal with it ? I  think that for most of us ordinary folks who have not acquired high levels of compassion and wisdom we should not entertain the thought of anger as a powerful energy we can transform to yield beneficial effects.
Shantideva said that anger has no benefits and it's primary function is to destroy all good.
We all know the root cause of anger is  ignorance of self grasping. But we  cannot deal with anger at its root  without high attainments. Perhaps we should look at more realistic practical levels.

What is the immediate cause of anger ? Unhappiness. From our experience, if we are in a good mood, feeling great , even when we encounter criticisms etc anger is not generated as easily. Therefore a key factor in the prevention of anger arising is to try to keep a happy mind always. Thinking positive, learning to forgive, looking at others good points and not focussing on their faults, being sincere and concerned  about other's welfare and happiness , being contented where we are,  are good practical ways for us to have an open, calm and happy mind which is not disturbed easily. We may have the seed of anger, but we are denying it the conditions for it to grow and to increase its power to cause harm.in the meantime we work towards eradicating it altogether.

Big Uncle

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #33 on: August 22, 2011, 05:13:20 PM »
I once heard an amazing psychological Dharmic explanation of an angry person and I will try to recall the explanation here. An angry person is a person who has developed a habitual pattern of not taken responsibility of one's life. The irresponsibility can be manifested in a variety of ways and is willfully repeated over and over again till it becomes deeply ingrained. Alternatively, the person could go through a habitual pattern of escape and never really facing his/her problems.

This obviously would have karmic repercussions including losing friends, inability to complete tasks and work, losing integrity and ultimately a loss of self-esteem. This loss of self-esteem becomes deeper and deeper as the vicious cycle of irresponsibility develops. Irresponsibility will inadvertently lead towards deep-seated anger. Once it reaches this stage, the person becomes like a loose cannon, unable to control his or her anger. There is no immediate solution to anger at this stage. The only way is to control it is with knowledge, self-restraint, vigilance, doing lots of contemplation, Dharma work, Sadhana, soliciting wisdom Dharma Protector like Dorje Shugden and most important of all, taking responsibility and hence, taking charge of one's life back.


 

KhedrubGyatso

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #34 on: September 07, 2011, 03:23:56 AM »
There are many ways to deal with anger. Because Buddhist practice can be applied at many levels,  I think  a common fault is that we try the methods without preparing our minds well. It is like warming up before the actual exercise.  Guarding  our sense doors; engaging in purification practices, generating love and bodhi-mind; meditating on emptiness , all are methods that  will reduce and eradicate anger. However, one need to be serious to maintain consistency of practice to get the results. For those who are not practitioners , who do not belong to any centre or have a  Guru , a practical way to prevent anger arising is to maintain a happy mind throughout the day. When we are happy , in a good mood ,the conditions are not favourable for anger to arise easily.
 Although this will not remove the seeds of anger,  or able to deal with all adverse situations,  if it does not arise it will not cause harm to us and others.  It will be easier for us  to generate  love and other virtues which are opponents of anger and eventually remove it altogether through more advanced practices.

WoselTenzin

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #35 on: September 12, 2011, 09:24:27 AM »
For those who are not practitioners , who do not belong to any centre or have a  Guru , a practical way to prevent anger arising is to maintain a happy mind throughout the day. When we are happy , in a good mood ,the conditions are not favourable for anger to arise easily.
Although this will not remove the seeds of anger,  or able to deal with all adverse situations,  if it does not arise it will not cause harm to us and others.  It will be easier for us  to generate  love and other virtues which are opponents of anger and eventually remove it altogether through more advanced practices.

I agree with what KG said about preventing anger.  However, even for practitioners, it is important to maintain a happy mind at all times.  A mind that is stable and happy is able to see things objectively and therefore able to think more rationally and do not succumb to anger easily.  Even if anger is still there, it will be controllable.   As such it prevents damage arising from anger and with practice, this stable and happy mind facilitates our realization and transformation.

Klein

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #36 on: September 15, 2011, 10:06:03 PM »
There are a few people in my life who have an angry mind. I never quite understood why there was so much anger in them until I studied Buddhism from my guru. I began to understand that a person who's angry all the time is suffering a lot. Their expectations in general are usually not met and they hold on to the disappointments. Some how these people are very unhappy with themselves.

So how I usually deal with angry minds is that I show them a lot of care and love and reassuring them that they are good enough. The peaceful approach is most effective in this instance.

dorjedakini

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #37 on: September 16, 2011, 08:31:42 PM »
Before we become a Buddha, for sure we will have negative thought and emotion, understanding everything is because of karma and is self created, we have to be mindful when a negative though arises too.

Reciting Tsongkhapa, Manjushri or Shugden Mantra's can help our mind to be focus and aware of what's happening surrounding us. When are awareness increase, we able to notice when a negative mind arises, we able to catch it, observe it, in instead of letting all these thought controlling us.

How fortunate we able to practice Dorje Shugden who is Manjushri himself and a protector of our time to clear our obstacles.

buddhalovely

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #38 on: December 06, 2012, 04:32:29 AM »
Inside the mind of an angry person can be an odd place. Many of their minds function on impulse only. They get their bits of excitement from the unknown future while most individuals like to know what is coming. Impulse acts can be quite risky but that’s what is enjoyable about it for some.  The same person will often neglect all responsibility and place their focus on controlling the ones around them.  If you have any problems with anger, it may be best to stay away from individuals with these tendencies. Surrounding yourself with the right influences can be your first step to recovery. Here are a few things to look for.
• If the person has been in and out of jail, it probably means that they have a problem with authority. That’s a big red flag for anger problems.

• Many people with anger problems can’t keep a spouse around. Steer clear of individuals who are in and out of relationships.

• Look at their hands. Many angry people will have cuts and bruises on their hands from things or people that they have punched.

• If the person you are wanting to date has or has had an issue with drugs or alcohol you may want to take that as a no go, people with dependencies often have more issues with relationships in general than the average person.

• Get to know his or her friends and family. When you see the one’s he or she loves acting in a way that frightens or worries you, respond immediately. Trust your instincts.

• When you notice domination in his or her personality, talk to them about it openly, if you don’t like what they say you may want to break the relationship off.

Most individuals with this level of anger are hopeless. There are no techniques prescribed to master the anger and the realm of these minds. You should stay away from anyone that frightens or worries you. You will know better than anyone how you feel around a certain person. When you don’t feel right about the situation, remove yourself. You should tell the people around you, your family, friends, and coworkers, that you are scared or worried about that person.

Ensapa

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #39 on: December 06, 2012, 05:10:32 AM »
for my personal case, i find that whenever I get angry, it is always because I have a certain fixed view of how something should be and that view is not being met. It is always that. So when I am angry, i try to look out of that box and my anger goes down almost immediately. If it's the mind of another person that is angry i tend to let that person cool down first before I approach that person again and be more gentle with him or her as their minds are currently in a bad state. We can also radiate positive thoughts to them at the same time which works when it comes to calming people down.

ratanasutra

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #40 on: December 06, 2012, 07:51:46 AM »
Most of time my anger is come from self-defensive, it arises from my fear, my ego and do not accept what had been told. I know angry is from my mind and sometime i can control and sometime i could not it. However i still working on it as i want to be a happy person.

The Buddha said, “Conquer anger by non-anger. Conquer evil by good. Conquer miserliness by liberality. Conquer a liar by truthfulness.” Working with ourselves and others and our lives in this way is Buddhism. Buddhism is not a belief system, or a ritual, or some label to put on your T-shirt. It’s this. 

icy

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Re: Dealing with angry minds
« Reply #41 on: January 27, 2013, 03:41:17 PM »
Anger cannot be overcome by anger. If a person shows anger to you, and you show anger in return, the result is a disaster. In contrast, if you control your anger and show its opposite--love, compassion, tolerance, and patience--then not only will you remain in peace, but the anger of others also will gradually diminish. No one can argue with the fact that in the presence of anger, peace is impossible. Only through kindness and love can peace of mind be achieved.