KINDNESS

[psylotripitaka]

Whether or not others are kind is determined not by their intention, but by whether or not we receive some benefit from them. Since everyone benefits us in countless ways, they are kind. People who are nice to us and people who are mean to us are equally kind, giving us the opportunity and fuel to escape samsara. This kindness is overwhelming. I will repay this kindness!

[psylotripitaka]

Why is it so difficult to keep this view? Why does this view not have enough power to protect our hearts from pain?

Lack of familiarity. Buddha said everything can be achieved with effort. When intense sufferings befall us, if we try to apply this view over and over, it will gradually change our experience and heal our hearts.

[eyesoftara]

Because we keep the view of self and hence of others as well. We are dualistic. We differentiate selfs and others. Also, we have little awareness that even our "enemies" are or have been kind to us, hence we feel that only those who benefit us directly are kind to us. Also, we tend to forget even those who have been kind to us before, yesterday, last week, last month, last year or many years ago. We are not grateful because we do not remember their kindness. We only focus on the immediate and marginal benefit. This can be reverse by contemplating their kindness from now, yesterday, last week, last month, last year or many years ago, all the way back to past lives and to extend to all sentient beings, then we develop loving kindness, compassion, altruism and boddhicitta in tandem.  This will bring lasting happiness according to the Dharma.

[Kim Hyun Jae]

Kindness is usually referred to those that have been nice and did us a favor. We actually expected this type of kindness in return of a favor.

Real kindness does not have any expectation attached to the act of kindness. If we were kind to someone and later expect the "kindness" to be returned - then it became an "expectation'.

If we want to kind, we will extend our help without any return of similar help or expectation or in return of a favor. Just my two cents.

[psylotripitaka]

Hi Kim,

Yes, that's called 'giving without expectation' and your're referring to our approach to giving. I am referring to our view of others actions towards us.

Jetsun Milarepa said 'how can one who takes all things as friends ever have problems'.

If we view others as kind regardless of how they act or what their intentions may be, we will make great spiritual progress. By valuing realizations as the meaning of life, we then learn to use everything in our life as fuel for realization.

In the case of being harmed in some way, the degree we can take these acts as a kindness and increase our realization in response depends on how much effort and experience we have with this view. The stronger we are, the less we will experience emotional trauma from difficult situations.

The old Kadampas used to pray to have a mind like an anvil, no matter how hard it is hit it doesn't break!

We need this view. In particular, people experiencing hardship due to the ban definitely need to apply effort in this lojong training. They can improve their experience of persecution through effort and famiarity.

Dharma is medicine!

[Tenzin K]

Kindness and gratitude are virtues you can cultivate, but they have to be cultivated together. Each needs the other to be genuine — a point that becomes obvious when you think about the three things most likely to make gratitude heartfelt:

You've actually benefitted from another person's actions.
You trust the motives behind those actions.
You sense that the other person had to go out of his or her way to provide that benefit.
Points one and two are lessons that gratitude teaches kindness: If you want to be genuinely kind, you have to be of actual benefit — nobody wants to be the recipient of "help" that isn't really helpful — and you have to provide that benefit in a way that shows respect and empathy for the other person's needs. No one likes to receive a gift given with calculating motives, or in an offhand or disdainful way.

Points two and three are lessons that kindness teaches to gratitude. Only if you've been kind to another person will you accept the idea that others can be kind to you. At the same time, if you've been kind to another person, you know the effort involved. Kind impulses often have to do battle with unkind impulses in the heart, so it's not always easy to be helpful. Sometimes it involves great sacrifice — a sacrifice possible only when you trust the recipient to make good use of your help. So when you're on the receiving end of a sacrifice like that, you realize you've incurred a debt, an obligation to repay the other person's trust.

This is why the Buddha always discusses gratitude as a response to kindness, and doesn't equate it with appreciation in general. It's a special kind of appreciation, inspiring a more demanding response. The difference here is best illustrated by two passages in which the Buddha uses the image of carrying.

[psylotripitaka]

Tenzin K, thank you for your penetrating insight. Definitely from recognizing the kindness of others gratitude comes, especially considering the various factors you mention. However, the recognition is that others are kind because we receive immense benefit directly and indirectly from them regardless of their motives. In particular, if we value the development of spiritual realizations and understand how others assist us in developing these, our recognition of their kindness - even if it was a bad action will ill motivation - elicits deep gratitude in our mind.

Kindness doesn't just mean a person was nice or intended to benefit us. We decide everyone's actions are a kindness, and we recognize how pervasive this kindness is in our lives. If we depend on others intentions being good in order for us to see them as kind or develop gratitude, this will greatly limit our spiritual progress. This is the approach of lojong and secret mantra. It is wonderful we have this medicine because now we know those who harm us are actually extremely kind and necessary for us to complete our journey to union. So beautiful!

[RedLantern]

Kindness is a difficult thing to explain and define.Unlike physical things which you can point at and describe kindness must be experienced,explained and reflected upon.Thus,throughout the day,we kept our eyes peeled for acts of kindness.
The character of goodness is the cabinet that holds righteousness in plain view.It is the display case that shows the rest of the godly characters,making them real,seen and used.
Goodness displays integrity,honesty, and compassion to others and allows us to do the right thing when we do not feel like doing so.

[dondrup]

Kindness is an important factor in the development of the mind of bodhichitta.  In the Sevenfold Cause and Effect, we practise recognising the kindness of mother sentient beings and later the need to repay their kindness.  All sentient beings provide us the means to transform our minds.  Since countless past lives we have developed our habituations that will react at the first instance of interaction with others.  We develop attachment towards others that we find pleasant.  We develop aversion to those that we find unpleasant.  We are indifferent to those we find neither pleasant or unpleasant. With mindfulness practice, we will be able to recognise these delusions and use the correct antidote to overcome them.  Hence every single sentient is very kind because he or she provides us the stimuli for us to practise transformation of our mind.  The goal of the transformation is the accomplishment of bodhichitta.

In the Lojong (or Mind Training) practice, there is a point that requires us to be grateful to everyone.  It is with the same reasons as explained above that we should be grateful for the kindness of others.

In summary we cannot emphasise enough the importance of recognising and repaying the kindness of others.  It is due to the kindness of others that we can eventually become a buddha!

[Midakpa]

H.H. the Dalai Lama once said that kindness is his religion. If one were to make kindness one's practice, this can only lead to happiness for oneself and others. How do we practice kindness? The Buddha said that there are six ways to be considerate. I interprete the word "considerate" to mean kind. The six ways are as follows:

(1) to have love in deed toward one's companions in the holy life, both openly and in private.
(2) to have love in speech toward one's companions in the holy life, both openly and in private.
(3) to have love in thought toward one's companions in the holy life, both openly and in private.
(4) to share one's possessions gladly and impartially with them.
(5) to live virtuously and in harmony with one's fellows in the holy life.
(6) to have that noble understanding that overcomes suffering and live with this understanding among one's companions in the holy life. (Anguttara Nikaya III, 288)

[OMB]

Genuine Dharma practice is  based on Loving Kindness and compassion. Unless we practice and integrate these qualities into our everyday lives, it will be absolutely impossible to achieve enlightenment and liberation.  Without such an integration, not only are we failing to benefit others, we are actually harming them directly or indirectly.

[metta girl]

Kindness is just a matter of choice in attitude we carry with us that can make a difference,however small in someone else's life.Kindness has to  begin within ourselves.Every religion has love as a universal principle.Kindness takes love to a gentler and more accessible level that most people feel comfortable with. Showing a little bit of kindness to others recognises that everyone around us is just like ourself

[dharmacrazy79]

In the Eight Verses of Mind Transformation, I learn that I should view those who challenge me as the people who are kindest to me because they give me the opportunity to practice patience, tolerance, wisdom that results in growth and mind transformation.

In life, I have always thought it is best to surround myself with friends who celebrate with me, be nice to me, say pleasant things to me...all the nice sugar and spice. Meanwhile, I avoid people who challenge me, "rub the truth in my face". In short, life was lived in a manner that strategically boost my inner enemy: the ego. After some time, i noticed that I never learn or grew much from staying within my comfort zone of life's niceties. Instead, much suffering is experienced when I am not as happy as I should be.

With the blessings of the Dharma, I developed some courage to cross path with people who are "not nice". Through interaction with them, I learnt a different way to view life circumstances that is more freeing and constructive. They are truly my supreme teacher and precious jewels and I thank the Dharma teachings to open my eyes to these precious beings.

[diablo1974]

A moment or an act of kindness is not difficult for many of us, but keeping it consistent in kind mode from our body, speech and mind needs constant effort. Changing our bad habits to good habits need time as we have had got used to many of the bad habituation which are obstructing the development of our dharma practice.

[psylotripitaka]

In the Eight Verses of Mind Transformation, I learn that I should view those who challenge me as the people who are kindest to me because they give me the opportunity to practice patience, tolerance, wisdom that results in growth and mind transformation.

In life, I have always thought it is best to surround myself with friends who celebrate with me, be nice to me, say pleasant things to me...all the nice sugar and spice. Meanwhile, I avoid people who challenge me, "rub the truth in my face". In short, life was lived in a manner that strategically boost my inner enemy: the ego. After some time, i noticed that I never learn or grew much from staying within my comfort zone of life's niceties. Instead, much suffering is experienced when I am not as happy as I should be.

With the blessings of the Dharma, I developed some courage to cross path with people who are "not nice". Through interaction with them, I learnt a different way to view life circumstances that is more freeing and constructive. They are truly my supreme teacher and precious jewels and I thank the Dharma teachings to open my eyes to these precious beings.

Dharmacrazy79, you're an excellent example, like Ribur Rinpoche or Geshe Langri Tangpa. This is the next level of the view. In general there is plenty of suffering, but because we still do not understand that our good conditions are also the nature of suffering, we are lulled into a stupor that is an illusion of safety - the comfort zone. Sometimes hard things happen and we can train in embracing these as a kindness, but to actually seek out uncomfortable situations shows great wisdom. All of us need to build towards this, where we purposely go into difficult situations feeling in our heart 'I need this', 'this person is so kind for challenging me'.

Your post was very influential, thank you for your hard work on the inner paths.