Death Cafe

[Jessie Fong]

Death - the end of life for a living being. For some, it is just the beginning of another life. Where one life takes its last breath and another its first.

Has your conversation recently been rather boring?
Do you run out of topics to talk about?

Well ... consider this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/04/death-cafe-dying-end-of-life_n_2618226.html?utm_hp_ref=death


A few dozen Ohioans will meet Wednesday evening in a community room at a Panera Bread outside of Columbus for tea, cake and conversation over an unusual shared curiosity.

For two hours, split between small circles and a larger group discussion, they'll talk about death. A facilitator may throw out questions to spark the conversation:
How do they want to die? In their sleep? In the hospital?
Of what cause?
When do they want die? Is 105 too old?
Are they scared?
What kind of funerals do they want, if any? Is cremation better than burial?
And what do they need accomplish before life is over?

This is the Death Cafe, an anything-goes, frank conversation on death that's been hosted at dozens of coffee shops and community centers in American cities from Arizona to Maine since beginning in the Columbus area in July. Death Cafes are modeled on similar gatherings in European cities that have been taking place for several years.

"The goal is to raise death awareness with the view of helping people make the most of their lives. I'm really passionate about death," said Lizzy Miles, a hospice volunteer and social worker who organizes the Columbus-area cafes, which take place about once a month and draw a range of attendees, from new college graduates to recent retirees.

[dondrup]

I think Death Cafe is beneficial as it brings about the awareness of death.  Death is a taboo subject that many people do not like to talk about.  Through Death Cafe, people can begin to understand death better and make the necessary preparation before death.  It is taking personal responsibility before death.  One of the most important advantages would be to realise that death can happen any moment.   This will prompt participants of the Death Cafe to take essence of their lives and to do something meaningful before it is too late. 

[DSFriend]

I think even if it is none religious based, it is a beneficial outlet for people to talk about this topic which many shun. There are far too many documentaries on life after death or near death experiences for people to believe that this is the one and only life we will ever have. I do wonder during these discussions, what is being used to help people who are terrified of death.

What is the first thought you have when you think about death before learning about the dharma? This would most probably the thought of many too....which I think is not a pleasant one at all.

[fruven]

Very interesting! This is a novel idea to gather people to talk about something which is definite but most people never talk about it. Some people might fear it. Death is something we do have no control of.

It is quite surprising people would go there to participate but human beings are a curious bunch. What would be included in the talk? Would people talk about old age and sickness? How aging would make people view about impending end of life? Or accidents and how to prepare for it when someone or us die?

[Benny]

Well it all sounds fine and positive to have such a concept cafe , providing a conducive place to discuss the topic or fact of life , Death. However , there is a very likely chance that there are people who will take it the wrong way and make it a place to share ideas and ways to contemplate suicide. So I seriously hope that there is some form of moderator or counsellor to help guide those troubled people who need help. The last thing we need is for unstable or suicidal people to get together and plan suicide pacts.

As a buddhist , I can see the positive aspect of contemplating and discussing death or impermanence , but let us not forget that not all people can handle this taboo subject in a positive manner. Definitely , there is a real need for some guidelines and controls to be in place. After all the cafe owners are in a business and dead clients will be of no good to business . Just my opinion and concerns .

[DS Star]

This cafe provides a great way to create awareness on death, thus, helping the people to better prepare to face death. When we are ready for death then we will not be afraid.

As Buddhist, we are encouraged to meditate on death everyday to create awareness of the nature of impermanence. Death Meditation is a very important practice for serious Buddhist practitioners, more so for the monks and nuns.

Tibetan Buddhism, especially, discussed widely on the topic of death. Highly attained lamas will remind students again and again to remember death, in order to be serious on one's own practice. The famous book: Tibetan Book of Living and Dying explains that the purpose of life is to prepare for death. This is so true because the moment we are born, we are actually a moment nearer to death...

"To make us mindful of death, the Buddha taught meditation on death. If you are mindful of death, you will be drawn into thinking of many things, particularly whether there is life after death. Even if you suspect that there is, you will take interest in the quality of that life — what it might be like.

This will lead you to think about Karma, the cause and effect of action, thereby drawing you away from choosing activities of harmful nature and encouraging you to engage in activities that are beneficial. This itself will lend your life a positive purpose.

If you try to avoid even the mention of death, then on the day when death comes, you may be frightened. However, if you contemplate the fact that death happens naturally to all living beings, this can make a big difference. When you become familiar with death, you can make preparations for dying, and decide what you should do with your mind at that time. On that day your preparation will have its effect; you will think “Ah, death has come,” and you will act as you had planned, free from fright."  - the Dalai Lama in his book, Becoming Enlightened.

[apprenticehealer]

This is a great idea to bring awareness to the public that death is inevitable.

There are still many people who are very superstitious about death, so much so that they do not even want to consider writing a will or planning  for their eventual funeral - like to be buried or cremated. They fear that if they 'talk' about it or even consider it, they will die sooner. With this fear in them, when they eventually die, the leave their close family in chaos and confusion, and not knowing what is the deceased's last wishes.

There are also people who fear death - what is going to happen to them when they die , what is going to happen to the people they leave behind, what will happen to the properties, assets etc...

These people are normally unwilling to go when death comes calling, and to leave with such conflict, confusion, attachments in their minds - they create their own 'hell'. Therefore, they do not 'Rest In Peace'.

Talking about Death will ease away their fears, and with the right guidance and counselling , they will come to realise and accept that death is part of the cycle of life,

[Q]

Death - the end of life for a living being. For some, it is just the beginning of another life. Where one life takes its last breath and another its first.

Has your conversation recently been rather boring?
Do you run out of topics to talk about?

Well ... consider this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/04/death-cafe-dying-end-of-life_n_2618226.html?utm_hp_ref=death


A few dozen Ohioans will meet Wednesday evening in a community room at a Panera Bread outside of Columbus for tea, cake and conversation over an unusual shared curiosity.

For two hours, split between small circles and a larger group discussion, they'll talk about death. A facilitator may throw out questions to spark the conversation:
How do they want to die? In their sleep? In the hospital?
Of what cause?
When do they want die? Is 105 too old?
Are they scared?
What kind of funerals do they want, if any? Is cremation better than burial?
And what do they need accomplish before life is over?

This is the Death Cafe, an anything-goes, frank conversation on death that's been hosted at dozens of coffee shops and community centers in American cities from Arizona to Maine since beginning in the Columbus area in July. Death Cafes are modeled on similar gatherings in European cities that have been taking place for several years.

"The goal is to raise death awareness with the view of helping people make the most of their lives. I'm really passionate about death," said Lizzy Miles, a hospice volunteer and social worker who organizes the Columbus-area cafes, which take place about once a month and draw a range of attendees, from new college graduates to recent retirees.

This is very interesting! I have never heard before of this 'Death cafe' where people gather to talk about death... very very interesting.

It seems that even psychologists understand the importance of realizing death and impermanence in order for people to live life to the fullest. How interesting, because death meditation and the realization of impermanence is the foundation of Buddhism.

However, I do wonder if this discussions bring more harm than good... after all, the facilitator is not one that is spiritual but view this more on a different perspective compared to having a Lama guiding you through such a delicate topic.

[Big Uncle]

Wow! This is actually very Dharmic. Death and impermanence is actually the first chapter of the Gelug Lamrim and the realization of it is the foundation to build on other realizations. I think that too often our culture and the materialism of our time distracts us from the inevitability of this fact.

It is real and most people in their old age are unprepared and often with huge regrets or attachments. This is a recipe for negative rebirths and even more suffering. Therefore, this is a healthy development for spiritual development. People in their old age should be preparing for death the right way and that is to be spiritual and be engage in some sort of discipline or another.

[lotus1]

Wow, this is really a breakthrough as death has been always viewed as a frightening and avoided subject to be talked about in public!

In Buddhism, Prince Siddhartha saw the sight of old age, sickness, death and holiness and decided to renounce to search for the true happiness. Death meditation and contemplation has always been a important subject to study and practice in Buddhism so that we do not attached so much to the eight worldly concerns and to treasure this precious human life that we make full use of it to do more and benefit others.

It will be great if the Death Cafe can incorporate Buddha's teaching in order to have the most benefits!

[Barzin]

Through exploration there arises wisdom and knowledge.  The people must have a lot of questions about death hence they are exploring options and knowledge on death.  Just like what every said, it is actually very dharma as the contemplation on death is the very first thing we contemplate on as a Buddhist.  It is just that these people are not religious hence it's just mere discussion.  It will be good if they can go into deeper study on this matter so they can explore more alternatives views and angles from religious studies and even science.  It might led them into discovering more than they expected.

[RedLantern]

Many fear death or feel uneasy when their thoughts touch upon the end of life.Perhaps we can practice " letting go of situations,people,emotions,while alive,and nurture peacefulness and acceptance of silence and solitude.Why fear and resist the inevitable?
We can practice slipping into it as into a well loved state of being.First,we we have to notice when we are  clinging and resisting circumstances while we are alive and then through awareness of these states we can chose to loosen our grip,becoming more proficient with practice
Too many people are scared of talking about their own demise,and leave family to make those decisions,causing more grief and distress.
The very idea of Death Cafe is nothing more than a safe place to discuss questions,frustrations and the mystery of death.It is also a time to discover how best to live this limited, but full life.

[diablo1974]

Events like this are quite common in the west but if it happen in the east or asian countries ( i guess it wont), most people would think that these organisers are too free and have no life. Death is some flashing thoughts existing in many people mind in my country. They know we will die one day and most are not a bit saddened or worried before the day comes. This explains such events are extremely rare in a urban/cosmopolitan city.

[pgdharma]

Death happens as often as birth yet many still see it as something to be feared and should not be shared or spoken off. I feel death cafe is beneficial as it encouraged conversation on death and dying to make us realize impermanence and inspired us to live our lives fully of the time we have left. Talking about death is not a taboo, death is something that will happen to all of us.

As Buddhist, we are encouraged to contemplate on death and impermanence. Through death cafe, those who are acceptable to talk about death will find it liberating to meet up to share, discuss and learn from each other. It can increase an awareness of death in order to help people make the most of their lives; conversations may differ from discussions of funeral options or questions on how to approach someone who have been recently bereaved.

[Tenzin K]

I believe the very key for conversation is to contemplate on death.  The reason is to recognize how precious and how short life is that we are most likely make it meaningful and to live it fully and by understanding the death process and familiarizing ourself with it, we can remove fear at the time of death and ensure a good rebirth (if they believe in rebirth).

A Buddhist's life is practice for death - cultivating positive, happy virtuous states of mind and abandoning non-virtuous, harmful, suffering states of mind.

Death is definite but the time of death is indefinite so a Buddhist aspires to be ready by being mindful of the preciousness of life and the uncertainness of its length.

Death is an opportunity for great spiritual achievement if one is prepared and remembers one's spiritual practices and beliefs / understandings during the death process.

Death is the separation of body (physical form) and "mind" formless, clear, luminous and knowing. (Only the most subtle level of mind transmigrates.)

Since the state of mind at the time of death is vitally important, it's most important to die with a calm and peaceful mind; with strong spiritual/ positive thoughts prevailing.

If you fear death, why not make the wisest use of the present so as to ensure a happy future? To fear death on the one hand and on the other, not to act in a way that would ensure a happy future, is either madness or mental lethargy. He who leads a virtuous life, harming none and helping whom he can, in conformity with the Dharma, always remembering the Dharma, is without doubt laying the foundation of a happy future life. "Dharmo have rakkhati dhamma carim" — The Dharma most assuredly protects him who lives in conformity with it. Such conformity is facilitated by the contemplation of death. Death has no fears for one who is thus protected by Dharma. Then shall he, cheerful and unafraid, be able to face the phenomenon of death with fortitude and calm.