Author Topic: The Meaning of True Love (from a Buddhist’s Perspective)  (Read 4472 times)

dsiluvu

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The Meaning of True Love (from a Buddhist’s Perspective).


Did you ever fell in love with someone?
I did.

Love and longing can drive anyone to perpetually clinging to an object of desire, with no end in sight—a need that can never quite be satisfied, a thirst that can never be quenched.

    Can the love of falling in love outweigh the fear of “falling”…?

I guess the moment you fall in love with someone, you’re in the moment, and it’s only afterwards that you’re able to make the analysis, and even realize you were in love. Falling implies surrendering—being out of the mind, or out of your mind! Falling means you’re going somewhere. What happens when you “land“?

    Where do you find yourself? Floating on air, on land or in hot water?

What does it mean to fall in love or be in love, or even stay in love?

In Buddhism, striving for that which is outside of our true nature, is seen as wasteful. Arbitrarily seeking fulfillment in another is an attachment based on a craving which will always ultimately end in suffering. Perhaps in this searching one can take one step closer to finding one’s true nature, one’s true vocation, one’s true purpose.

    Time is so short—the memories are fading away. Truth is a cascade of moments. Enjoy the breath, flowing in and out ceaselessly like the waves on the shore in timeless perfection. This is the only true reality.

Even if you die for your lover, is that not sacrificing something that is not yours to give?

In loving you, I love myself, but in loving myself selfishly I neglect you.

In living for you, I forget my own needs.

Source: Uploaded by user via Johnny Chunga on Pinterest

Ken Wilber said:

    “Real love will take you far beyond yourself; and therefore real love will devastate you.”

Is this true? When you sink your hand into another’s spirit and meet emptiness, how can you not feel the wound of love? When the love of your life leaves you, how can you not be left empty? But can love leave a wound and why should emptiness leave you bereft? How can real love devastate you when real love is the absence of superficial egoic needs, the absence of falsehood, and all real love is the presence, and the present? With love, there can be emptiness, but no feeling of emptiness.

Can you actually remove love…can it ever be extinguished or forgotten?

If love is the presence, the sacred consciousness, the Divine expansiveness, is it possible to subtract from it, remove from it, and delete it from your consciousness? Is it possible to forget it?

Love is an experience of being whole. When we link it to another, we become dependent on that other for the fulfillment or satisfaction of our love fantasy. True love does not require a vehicle for its fulfillment or expression.

    Osho said that “love demands nothing. It simply shares.”

Photo: Show Biz Superstar

Photo: Show Biz Superstar

Another way to look at it is within the context of the first of Buddha’s noble truths—“life is dukkha.”

Dukkha is divided into suffering, change and conditioned states.

1. Suffering.

Consciousness as the created form, or the potentiation of thoughts, fills the universal ether. This immediately creates an existential loneliness, which can never be entirely filled until it (the creation) is no longer separate from the formlessness of Divine consciousness. This separation is loneliness. This is the suffering part of dukkha—the separation from God.

2. Change.

This world of created forms, and as yet uncreated potential is always changing. As we enter it, we change, and eventually pass through it, to the beyond. One thing is certain—the fluid of life is a changing stream.

3. Conditioned states.

We are affected by everything around us. Energy created can never be destroyed; it is merely transferred/transformed to evolve into a new form. Thus everything that “is” affects everything else that “is.” The spider weaves its web, creating a living matrix of awareness.

We experience romantic love within the context of these three aspects of creation. We suffer most when we are in fear. Sometimes the pain can seem insurmountable…we can seem alone in the vast expansive universe. Yet, at its core, suffering is an illusion.

Our fear of suffering is often far worse than the suffering itself.

    To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

    ~ Woody Allen

woodyallen
To be identified with something outside of yourself, is to invite suffering.

Suffering is derived from perceiving a loss.

Authentic love is whole, complete and, in essence, beyond suffering. The absence of love is suffering. The illusion of loss leads to suffering. When something dies, you don’t lose it, because you never owned it. We suffer most when we are attached to the illusion. True love does not leave a wound when it is lost, because true love can never be lost. Once created, “it” exists forever within the unity of the Divine sphere. The divine conversation of love is something beyond a mere notion or discussion—it is alive, filled with the budding possibility of a butterfly about to open its wings for the first time.

    Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

    ~ Anonymous

Rumi asks,

    “Oh lovers, where are you going? Who are you looking for? Your beloved is right here.”

Love: Ceaselessly searching for the ultimate feeling of completion. That which is searched for, exists already within.
Today, don’t wish it was another day—wish it was today. Then you will realize yourself already blessed.
Enjoy the paradoxes. And most importantly, keep falling in love!

Source:http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/01/the-meaning-of-true-love-from-a-buddhists-perspective/

Do you agree with the above article...?? to keep falling inlove? I think so but with the right focus and that is worth your "love". Definitely something you can control and choose... and to choose wisely over one's attachments!

dsiluvu

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Re: The Meaning of True Love (from a Buddhist’s Perspective)
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2013, 04:25:46 AM »
Having a relationship, being in love and falling in love... is not something wrong. It is when our whole energy is just focused on one being or rather that feeling and wanting it more and more... likened to a a thirst that can never be quenched
... then yeah that would be wrong love... because how can love be suffering? This I do not get. You only suffer if your projections of love is "self"... so in other words you never did "love", no? Because if you did truly "love"... even if you have lost it... due no doubt by your own negative karma, hence your experiences, then eventually you will get up and move on knowing that the love was a positive one and that the one you have lost is giving you a teaching of impermanence and strength to move on and continue being happy.

You see why do we need and want and yearn to be loved and give love... because we wish to be happy. So is happiness achieved only on the outside by another person/object? Or this happiness is a creation from within that has been invoked in to an action for one's participation? And if the participation...or method is filled with one's own selfish desires and benefit... will it even last... because the love was in the first place not, more like a delusion and selfish one that is to take and suck from other to make your own self "feel" good... this kind of love... is in no way love and will create more harm I feel to one and also on others. This is someone mentally off, sick and needs help. Because when they do not get what they yearn for and wish for they start creating crazy not very nice actions that will eventually create more suffering for themselves.

Hence I strongly feel that sure go ahead a love and be loved by someone... but it must be a mutual exchange of respect, support, giving and taking and most importantly the practice of non-attachment must be applied cos if you start relying on a outside factor to give you happiness... that is when you know when you lose it... you will suffer and go off your nanas. Hence we see so many crazy psychotic cases of "love" and well it is NOT LOVE. So applying the Dharma is like an antidote to prevent this strong attachments as well as safe guarding our monkey mind and emotions.

Now if we truly want to give love... why not give our love and receive back to the one person who will not ever betray us... our Guru/Yidam/Buddha??? Now isn't that more beneficial? Falling in love with the Dharma... is the safest of all... well that is my take from this article... what is yours and your understanding of LOVE???

Tenzin K

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Re: The Meaning of True Love (from a Buddhist’s Perspective)
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2013, 05:29:15 PM »
t is important to understand that there are different types of love, and that love plays a big role in Buddhism, especially in the form of unconditional love and compassion. While this isn’t exactly “romantic” it is important.

Buddhism has never put a spotlight on the concept of marriage, and this can lead some to believe that marriage is not important to Buddhists. It can lead others to believe that the only true Buddhist is one who enters into a monastic circle and becomes a member of the Sangha, say as a monk or nun. The problem with these thought patterns is, both are “extremes” and extremes are not exactly conducive to Buddhist beliefs.

The Buddha, Siddhartha, was in fact married and had a son. He gave up this marriage, family, and happiness to find true happiness; a happiness that nothing could influence. It wasn’t that a wife and child didn’t make the Siddhartha happy, it was more that the inevitable aging, sickness, and death and the fears and anxieties that accompany such things, distracted from his true happiness.

An interesting entry in a Sutra attributed to the Buddha points to equality between men and women in a marriage, “In five ways should a wife be ministered to by her husband: by respect, by courtesy, by faithfulness, by handing over authority to her, by providing her with ornaments. In these five ways does the wife minister to her husband: her duties are well-performed by hospitality to the kin of both, by faithfulness, by watching over the goods he brings and by skill and industry in discharging all business.” While this quote shows an outdated division between the sexes, there is a sense of equality to the words.

Buddhism teaches the precept, among the Five Precepts, to abstain from immoral actions. But the definition of “immoral actions” is pretty much left to interpretation. Buddhist thinking, however, will guide the follower to the right definition of “immoral actions,” even if the follower refuses to acknowledge it. For example, one would consider adultery an immoral action, but why? Consider a lay Buddhist who decides that adultery can only be defined as intercourse with someone other than their spouse. Here’s where the Noble Eightfold Path comes in.

The Eightfold Path instructs us, as followers of Buddhism, to maintain certain things in order to eventually reach Enlightenment. If we look only at Purpose, Speech, Endeavor, Thought, and Conduct, it is easy to come to a different definition for adultery. For example, the Eightfold Path teaches that our Purpose should be to always try to do what is right, we should be truthful in the things we say (Speech), we should behave ourselves (Conduct), we should constantly try to become better (Endeavor), and we should be mindful of our thoughts as they become our actions (Thought).

Now consider marriage. Marriage, whether Buddhist or not, is a contract at its base level; an agreement to remain committed to one person. Buddhism doesn’t have a set definition of marriage; therefore, in essence, it can be applied to any committed relationship. In a marriage, if the Eightfold Path is applied to one’s behaviors it becomes impossible to justify adultery, which would then fall under the precept of abstaining from immoral acts.

But where does that leave us with love? In Buddhism, one of the goals is the reach a loving compassionate state where one is capable of seeing, caring for, and genuinely loving everyone and everything. This frees us from prejudice, but it also frees us from potential negative thoughts which can lead to negative actions; all of which hinder the path to Enlightenment.

We love our parents and siblings, our children, our partners with that unconditional love that sometimes blinds us. Can we love them unconditionally without clinging to them in attachment? The answer eludes many. One might argue that there cannot be a real answer. It is definitely a difficult topic to explain, as shown by this article, but it may be possible to love, unconditionally, those people we hold close and dear, without being attached.

When does attachment become a problem? - When that person or thing is no longer with us, in most cases. Whether the person is gone due to an end of a relationship, due to a business trip, due to children growing up and moving out, or due to a loss (death), if one can remember the Buddha’s Teachings even at these times, when the attachment becomes painful, it is possible to truly love while, at least partly, being free of attachment.

RedLantern

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Re: The Meaning of True Love (from a Buddhist’s Perspective)
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2013, 09:53:17 AM »
I would like to share this beautiful explanation on true love between the Buddha and King Pasenadi from the book Old Path,White Clouds.

"Teacher Gautama,there are people who say you advise people not to love.They say you have said the more a person loves,the more he will suffer and despair.I can see some truth in that statement,but I am unable to find peace with it.Without love,life would seem empty of meaning.Please help me resolve this.
The Buddha looked at the King warmly,"Your Majesty.your question is a good one,and many people can benefit from it.There are many kinds of love.We should examine closely the nature of each kind of love.Life has a great need of the presence of love,but not the sort of love that is based on lust,passion,attachment,discrimination,and prejudice.
Majesty,there is another kind of love,sorely needed,which consists of loving kindness and compassion.
Usually when people speak of love they are referring only to the love that exists between parents and children,husband and wives,family members,or one's caste of country.Because the nature of such love depends on the concepts of "me" and "mine",it remains entangled in attachment and discrimination.People want only to love their parents,spouse,children,grandchildren,their own relatives and countrymen.Because they are caught in attachment,they worry about accidents that could befall their loved ones even before such things actually take place.When such accidents do occur,they suffer terribly.Love that is based on discrimination breeds prejudice.People become indifferent or even hostile to those outside their own circle of love.
Attachment and discriminations are sources of suffering for ourselves and others.Majesty,the love for which all beings truly hunger is loving kindness and compassion. Loving kindness is the love that has the capacity to remove another's suffering.Loving kindness and compassion do not demand anything in return and not limited to one's parents,spouse,children,relatives,caste members and country men.They extend to all people and all beings.In loving kindness and compassion,there is no 'mine' or 'not mine' and because there is no discrimination,there is no attachment.
Loving kindness and compassion bring happiness and ease suffering.They do not cause suffering and despair
without them,life would be empty of meaning,as you said with loving kindness and compassion,lift is filled with peace,joy and contentment.
It is not just some ideal.It is something which can actually be realized,especially by someone like you who has so many means at his disposal.
Just because one loves one's own people,there is no reason not to love the people of other Kingdoms.
The prosperity and security of one's nation should not depend on the poverty and insecurity of other nations.
Majesty,lasting peace and prosperity are only possible when nations join together in a common commitment to seek the welfare of all.
If our love is based on a selfish desire to possess others,we will not be able to buy them peace and happiness
On the contrary,our love will make them feel trapped.Such a love is no more than a prison.
If you want your loved ones to be happy,you must learn to understand their sufferings and aspirations.When you understand,you will know how to relieve their sufferings and help them to fulfill their aspirations.That is true love.It is only a desire to possess another and attempt to fulfill your own needs,which cannot be fulfilled
in that way.

Dondrup Shugden

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Re: The Meaning of True Love (from a Buddhist’s Perspective)
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2015, 02:15:46 PM »
"I would like to share this beautiful explanation on true love between the Buddha and King Pasenadi from the book Old Path,White Clouds.

"Teacher Gautama,there are people who say you advise people not to love.They say you have said the more a person loves,the more he will suffer and despair.I can see some truth in that statement,but I am unable to find peace with it.Without love,life would seem empty of meaning.Please help me resolve this.
The Buddha looked at the King warmly,"Your Majesty.your question is a good one,and many people can benefit from it.There are many kinds of love.We should examine closely the nature of each kind of love.Life has a great need of the presence of love,but not the sort of love that is based on lust,passion,attachment,discrimination,and prejudice.
Majesty,there is another kind of love,sorely needed,which consists of loving kindness and compassion.
Usually when people speak of love they are referring only to the love that exists between parents and children,husband and wives,family members,or one's caste of country.Because the nature of such love depends on the concepts of "me" and "mine",it remains entangled in attachment and discrimination.People want only to love their parents,spouse,children,grandchildren,their own relatives and countrymen.Because they are caught in attachment,they worry about accidents that could befall their loved ones even before such things actually take place.When such accidents do occur,they suffer terribly.Love that is based on discrimination breeds prejudice.People become indifferent or even hostile to those outside their own circle of love.
Attachment and discriminations are sources of suffering for ourselves and others.Majesty,the love for which all beings truly hunger is loving kindness and compassion. Loving kindness is the love that has the capacity to remove another's suffering.Loving kindness and compassion do not demand anything in return and not limited to one's parents,spouse,children,relatives,caste members and country men.They extend to all people and all beings.In loving kindness and compassion,there is no 'mine' or 'not mine' and because there is no discrimination,there is no attachment.
Loving kindness and compassion bring happiness and ease suffering.They do not cause suffering and despair
without them,life would be empty of meaning,as you said with loving kindness and compassion,lift is filled with peace,joy and contentment.
It is not just some ideal.It is something which can actually be realized,especially by someone like you who has so many means at his disposal.
Just because one loves one's own people,there is no reason not to love the people of other Kingdoms.
The prosperity and security of one's nation should not depend on the poverty and insecurity of other nations.
Majesty,lasting peace and prosperity are only possible when nations join together in a common commitment to seek the welfare of all.
If our love is based on a selfish desire to possess others,we will not be able to buy them peace and happiness
On the contrary,our love will make them feel trapped.Such a love is no more than a prison.
If you want your loved ones to be happy,you must learn to understand their sufferings and aspirations.When you understand,you will know how to relieve their sufferings and help them to fulfill their aspirations.That is true love.It is only a desire to possess another and attempt to fulfill your own needs,which cannot be fulfilled
in that way." Quote from Red Lantern.


We are often confused about love and have read many stories and technics of love, but far this is the best interpretation that I have ever come across.

Please enjoy this beautiful story of love the Buddhist way.

eyesoftara

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Re: The Meaning of True Love (from a Buddhist’s Perspective)
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2015, 09:45:01 AM »
The real meaning of love is one that loves all beings that is without the agenda of selfishness. Love for lovers, children and families are conventionally tainted with the idea of our "Self" is even this itself is not 100% as evident by the fact of divorces, and abandonment of friends and families. This is because, once this love is based on certain expectation and once these expectations fall short or are not met, we "fall out of love".

The true meaning of love is the wish for happiness of all beings equally over the happiness of self. The latter has the effect of cutting down of our selfishness because all phenomena are by nature impermanent. Once achieved this love is ever abiding and eternal. In practice we start by serving others. Relatively, the immediate conditions created is that we will experience more happiness even though we are still selfish, albeit lesser and lesser. Hence, we can be happy too when practicing the Dharma.