Author Topic: Having enemies... is it really that bad?  (Read 15907 times)

ratanasutra

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #15 on: June 03, 2012, 03:33:32 PM »
When someone doesn't have the opinions same with us, or they disagree with us, we label them as our enemies. when the teacher give us the assignments and we could not fulfil it and when teacher asked about it we label our teacher as our enemy. At the end we have so many enemies which created by us without their knowing..

The real enemy is inside us, but we did not want to acknowledge about it as to blame on other is much easy than blame on ourselves as if we blame on ourselves we need to do something about it but to blame it to other we no need to do anything, of course our sneaky mind will choose to blame other.

Nobody can harm us, only our enemy mind, we should always contemplate about it and be aware to not create more enemies till become big obstacle in our spiritual journey.


Rihanna

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #16 on: June 03, 2012, 05:08:38 PM »
Truth is always hard to swallow as most of us operate our lives with the Eight Worldly Concerns. That compounded with laziness, not wanting to get out of one's comfort zone, distractions due to worldly pursuits, etc, etc. What is sad is that the enemy is within us, not the other person. Instead of fighting the inner enemy, we often fight Truth and regard Truth as our enemy. This is the result of lack of merits. It is likened to having a pot of gold in front of you but you do not see it as precious.


Big Uncle

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #17 on: June 03, 2012, 05:37:56 PM »
Well, I believe that it is more important to know what to do with our enemy than about having enemies. Real outer enemies are kept at bay when we are kind and do not retaliate their harm with more harm. If we are attained, we can even return kindness with the harm we have received. That's a true Bodhisattva-like nature. If we are not at that level, at the very least, we can strive to work harder to prove our enemies and naysayers wrong. Our enemies can make us stronger and more motivated at our spiritual practice and Dharma work.

As for inner enemies, we have to suppress them and ensure we are not them and they are not us. Our inner enemies like anger, impatience, laziness and so forth do not define us and we should not identify with them and instead find ways to alienate these qualities within our minds so we can easily minimize these qualities and eventually get rid of them once and for all. Lots of practice, studies and reflection is needed to get rid of the toucher more subtler inner enemies like ignorance. However, it is better that we get rid of them or we become what others identify us with.
« Last Edit: June 03, 2012, 05:40:02 PM by Big Uncle »

Jessie Fong

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #18 on: June 09, 2012, 02:46:04 AM »
An enemy need not be physically a person who irritates you, nor someone who gets on your nerves.  It could be your short-comings - your anger, temper, lack of discipline, uncaring attitude, and many more negative traits.

These are our real enemies for they are the ones eating us up, gnawing away and not letting us improve to become a better person.  Conquer these enemies and I think we will find that any other persons whom we have labelled as "enemies" can be turned into friends.

negra orquida

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #19 on: June 09, 2012, 05:16:58 AM »
Why someone would like or dislike us does not depend on the other person, it is because of us. Sometimes you really cannot help it, like if a person is jealous with what you have as mentioned, but sometimes it may be because we offended the other person by something we said or did, and we didn't realise. In all cases, yes, maybe you did no wrong, and just be who you are sincerely like what PC said about his teacher who only tells the truth, but there are still people who doesn't fancy you.. Don't think you can do much about it. Just don't retaliate, don't harbour anger back towards your "enemy".. the best you can do is just to be sincere with them, and continue on doing your own thing. I find the 8 verses of thought transformation helps with this. There's always two sides to something... in the end, they'll all come around if they feel your sincerity. Otherwise, leave it as be.

I agree.. It is not possible to never piss off someone unintentionally throughout our lives.  Even a Guru with the best intentions and skills can "offend" someone.  This topic is very timely for me as I recently offended a friend unintentionally, and the friend has since "unfriended" me and cut off all contact.  I had apologised and still treated the friend as a friend... however in my friend's eyes, i am an enemy. If it weren't for Dharma, some little knowledge about karma and attachment and 8 verses of thought transformation, I would have been very upset and guilty, or even angry at the friend for a long time.

So having "enemies" is not necessarily a bad thing, if we can transform it as a chance to practice what we are learning.  For example in my case, it is a good chance to practice patience, humility, non-attachment, accepting blame... It is not everyday we meet friends whom we have known for 2 year and turn hostile within 2 hours!

buddhalovely

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #20 on: June 09, 2012, 12:16:27 PM »
The definition of equanimity is: not to distinguish between friend, enemy or stranger, but regard every sentient being as equal. It is a clear-minded tranquil state of mind - not being overpowered by delusions, mental dullness or agitation.
The near enemy is indifference. It is tempting to think that just 'not caring' is equanimity, but that is just a form of egotism.

bambi

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #21 on: June 16, 2012, 08:09:29 AM »
The enemy is definitely our ego and pride. For a Guru to tell us the truth is the best to learn and practice and not only change what we want to because we want it our way. Then what is the point of having a Guru and Dharma? How can the Guru be wrong in helping us to be better? The Guru knows what is good for us not ask us to go the opposite direction so when He ask us to do something, we must do it. Not for Him but for us.
We can also read it here. http://www.dorjeshugden.com/forum/index.php?topic=1679.0

"There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts, it is a sword that kills."
The Buddha

"Although individuals may be highly intelligent, they are sometimes dogged by skepticism and doubts. They are clever, but they tend to be hesitant and skeptical and are never really able to settle down. These people are the least receptive"
His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Jessie Fong

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #22 on: June 16, 2012, 12:16:21 PM »
The truth hurts.

When we are told of the truth about us, be it coming from someone we know or from our Guru himself, we will find it is hard to swallow.  For the ego and pride in us is so strong that we cannot accept that we can be wrong.  Then we start to put labels to people who do not see eye-to-eye with us.

But in doing so, we forget that they are the ones that really care for us in the first place; which is why they dared to open up and criticise us constructively, but because we could not accept criticism we reacted negatively.

RedLantern

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #23 on: June 16, 2012, 12:28:08 PM »

I have none that I know of but then,I don't know anything.I don't have anyone that I can classify as an enemy.I don't take it upon myself to dislike anyone and don't consider the person I dislike as an enemy because an enemy to me, is a person who could seriously endanger your life goals or your life.
One positive point of having enemies is knowing that the world is not using your back as a doormat.Therefore to have enemies is not consider a bad thing as it means you are a threat to someone and it also mean that you are pretty successful. BUDDHA WAS PERFECT AND HE HAD ENEMIES.

ilikeshugden

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #24 on: June 16, 2012, 12:55:19 PM »
In the eight verses of mind transformation, "whenever others, because of their jealousy, treat me badly with abuse, insult, slander, or in other unjust ways, may I accept this defeat myself and offer the victory to others." We need enemies to be able to challenge us and also teach us humility. Because when we have 'enemies', we would wonder why we dislike them and work toward making them our friend and also you will be able to change their ways.

Positive Change

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #25 on: June 16, 2012, 03:27:48 PM »
Well, I believe that it is more important to know what to do with our enemy than about having enemies. Real outer enemies are kept at bay when we are kind and do not retaliate their harm with more harm. If we are attained, we can even return kindness with the harm we have received. That's a true Bodhisattva-like nature. If we are not at that level, at the very least, we can strive to work harder to prove our enemies and naysayers wrong. Our enemies can make us stronger and more motivated at our spiritual practice and Dharma work.

As for inner enemies, we have to suppress them and ensure we are not them and they are not us. Our inner enemies like anger, impatience, laziness and so forth do not define us and we should not identify with them and instead find ways to alienate these qualities within our minds so we can easily minimize these qualities and eventually get rid of them once and for all. Lots of practice, studies and reflection is needed to get rid of the toucher more subtler inner enemies like ignorance. However, it is better that we get rid of them or we become what others identify us with.

Thank you Big Uncle for pointing out "inner enemies" as well because that is truly THE enemy that we should eradicate. Because of this inner enemy we are actually able to recognize our "outer" more physical enemies as we recognize the very negative qualities in them as we see in ourselves.

True it is easier said than done but for those who follow a teacher, let him/her guide you as they will know the methods to combat that very enemy within you. It is challenging to say the least but if you cannot trust the one you call your teacher, of whom represents the Buddha Dharma and will only have your best interests at heart, who can you trust? Yourself with the enemy within?

Hence having these enemies or realizing they are within us is I feel the first step. We need to know our flaws before we can correct them!

Midakpa

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #26 on: June 16, 2012, 04:13:31 PM »
"Enemy" is just a label for the person who is not on our side. Because of our delusions (the three poisons), we consider as "enemies" those who arouse a feeling of aversion, or fear in us. But if one were to observe closely the people around us, the people we work with etc, we realise that often, "enemies" become the best of friends and the "best friends" become enemies for one reason or another.  From this we can conclude that our "aversion" is impermanent. Our feelings change with circumstances. So there is really no need to take things to heart. When we develop patience, we will overcome all feelings of anger or hatred. All our "enemies" will become our friends. Remember, our "enemies" are the treasures that are so difficult to find. Consider yourself lucky you have found these "treasures".

biggyboy

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #27 on: June 16, 2012, 04:56:28 PM »
Truthfully many of us operate with this kind of mindset whenever our friends said something that seem to be the "truth" and we felt hurt and not wishing to know or wanting to hear it, we immediately categorised them as enemy.  Most times we would either show black face, justify and argue for the sake of not wanting to look bad...hence took negatively.  These happen everywhere and to everyone.  Truth is we ourselves are the enemy and not the friends who has pointed out.  If we listen with an open mind and wanting to improve then these "enemy" categorising would not arise at all.  In fact, we should be grateful when someone is kind enough to point out our faults.

dsiluvu

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Re: Having enemies... is it really that bad?
« Reply #28 on: June 22, 2012, 10:55:28 PM »
The only real enemy that exist is our own ego. The outer enemy we perceive is an "enemy" is really nothing but a projected one we have created from our own side. If there is really someone that dislike you, still if you don't see that person as your enemy, your mind is quite free and calm. The person that deemss you as their enemy clearly shows you that is his karma. BUt then again you also have the karma to receive their negativity towards you. Hence we must always practice the 8 verses of thought transformation to safe guard our mind and actions so we reduce the negative karma we are constantly creating daily, sometimes without even aware of it. If we can live by the 8 verses and seeing our "enemy" as a precious teacher... then really there the world and our problems who be much lesser... more peaceful... no need all this to self-immolation acts. So I shall post it here again as a reminder to us

With the thought of attaining enlightenment
For the welfare of all beings,
Who are more precious than a wish-fulfilling jewel,
I will constantly practice holding them dear.

Whenever I am with others
I will practice seeing myself as the lowest of all,
And from the very depth of my heart
I will respectfully hold others as supreme.

In all actions I will examine my mind
And the moment a disturbing attitude arises,
Endangering myself and others,
I will firmly confront and avert it.

Whenever I meet a person of bad nature
Who is overwhelmed by negative energy and intense suffering,
I will hold such a rare one dear,
As if I had found a precious treasure.

When others, out of jealousy,
Mistreat me with abuse, slander and so on,
I will practice accepting defeat
And offer the victory to them.

When someone I have benefited
And in whom I have placed great trust
Hurts me very badly,
I will practice seeing that person as my supreme teacher.


In short, I will offer directly and indirectly
Every benefit and happiness to all beings, my mothers.
I will practice in secret taking upon myself
All their harmful actions and sufferings.

Without these practices being defiled by the stains of the eight worldly concerns,
By perceiving all phenomena as illusory.
I will practice without grasping to release all beings
From the bondage of the disturbing unsubdued mind and karma. 

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