FORGIVENESS is the only way to heal...

[DS Star]

Are you able to forgive the person who killed your loved one?

These brave mother and father can:

http://youtu.be/ExfG9K-Scto
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http://youtu.be/qBPqqzQfxzk
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Perhaps it is much easier to forgive when the person is doing a mistake like driving when drunk...

What about a real murderer who murdered your daughter brutally?

Gary Leon Ridgway, an American serial killer in the 80s was known as the Green River Killer killing women and girls in Washington state. He was convicted in court of 48 murders, and he later confessed to nearly twice that number.

The father of one of his victims Linda Jane Rule (she was only 16 years old during murder) actually forgave the so-called 'monster'...

http://youtu.be/EIkywrKVWAo
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Do you have what it takes to forgive a serial killer?

[Positive Change]

WOW. Very powerful videos indeed. How amazing it is to forgive. How empowering it is to forgive. How compassionate it is to forgive. What is the point of holding on to hate when the act has already passed. What we create in the moment is what we can take with us. Hence to forgive not only helps us but helps the culprit to.

We all need forgiveness and the only way to receive it is to give it. Very powerful message. Thank you DS Star!

[yontenjamyang]

Forgiveness is the only way forward in this case. Otherwise we can only hate. Since hate is an emotion, it would act as a seed for future repercussion and on a day to day basis we will be bitter, and that will affect everyone around us especially our love ones. To forgive is to let go of this hate, and the moment this is done, we will feel lighter like a big boulder is lifted off our shoulders.
On a day to day basis, we are always confronted with situation that can cause us to hate someone or something. We need to practice forgiveness at least, so that this feeling do not fester and habituate ourselves with the seed of hatred. We all know how negative this can be.

[cookie]

To forgive the person who murdered your child or any loved one is definitely a very difficult thing to do. Your own child is an attachment very hard to let go whether dead or alive. When the child is brutally murdered how does one get the strength to forgive and move on ?
In Dharma, its the child's karma, in past life or this life that resulted in such a tragedy taking place. Similarly, the parent's karma to have to endure the tremendous pain of losing a child. To reduce or eliminate this suffering one has to be able to let go and move on. Forgiveness is the best method. Contemplate with compassion on how sick this muderer is; what horrible karma he would have accumulated killing almost 100 humans. He will surely suffer in hell. Om mani padme hung.

[RedLantern]

It is crucial to remember that forgiveness can't be put off,but must be selfless and from the heart.Opening up does help us to feel better though we have to be at the right moment in our life.Do not worry about the guilt.
Have to work these feelings out or they will end up doing more harm.Take time to grow and change to feel better.forgiveness does heal and overtime the manifestation of healing is evident.
So do you believe forgiveness heals?

[kris]

Everyone would have some things/feelings which they don't want to let go. Some people cannot let go of hatred, some people cannot let go of comfort zone, some people cannot let go of feeling of having their children around...

We all know, based on Buddhist teachings, we need to let go all of these. It is these feelings which cause us to be in samsara... that's why we need to study, keep up with our practice and learn to have the teachings become part of our wisdom. When we do this, it will be easier for us to let go...

[Tenzin K]

Buddhists believe that to not forgive gives rise to suffering. It is taught that those who cannot let go of a real or imagined wrong against them are unable to free themselves from hate and that they will suffer because of this. Hatred can, in turn, lead to more widespread suffering, and in turn, more hatred. According to the Dhammapada, “Those who attempt to conquer hatred by hatred are like warriors who take weapons to overcome others who bear arms. This does not end hatred, but gives it room to grow."

Buddhists believe that atonement, as well as forgiving others as well as ourselves, is an important step on the path towards a better life and towards enlightenment.
To forgive is to let go. How much you can forgive is how much you can let go.
It's definitely hard but if we can't get through it, we will be tied down by our anger we will be unhappy for life.

Giving up hatred and forgiving the harm done to us by others allows us to move on and to achieve peace of mind.

[Matibhadra]

Giving up hatred and forgiving the harm done to us by others allows us to move on and to achieve peace of mind.

I makes sense, even in a collective and historical way. For instance, the same people who are forever grudging and revengeful about supposed crimes commited against them are those most active inciting wars, genocides and holocausts around the world.

[Blueupali]

To forgive the person who murdered your child or any loved one is definitely a very difficult thing to do. Your own child is an attachment very hard to let go whether dead or alive. When the child is brutally murdered how does one get the strength to forgive and move on ?
In Dharma, its the child's karma, in past life or this life that resulted in such a tragedy taking place. Similarly, the parent's karma to have to endure the tremendous pain of losing a child. To reduce or eliminate this suffering one has to be able to let go and move on. Forgiveness is the best method. Contemplate with compassion on how sick this muderer is; what horrible karma he would have accumulated killing almost 100 humans. He will surely suffer in hell. Om mani padme hung.

Hi Cookie,
  Yes, forgiveness is helpful and is really much easier if we think of the truth of suffering and the cycle of suffering; we suffer, the murderer suffers, we need to pray for him as he has not yet experienced the terrible reprocussions of his actions.  It is possible that if he meets the dharma and purifies that he wouldn't necessarily have all the bad karmas ripen on him, as they would be purified first.  Even if he is another religion, if he has the power of regret and the power of the promise not to do it again, this helps to reduce the karma.
  I think it is really important for us to remember that most big karmas that ripen are from past lives; sometimes really good people have bad karmas ripen from long ago; likewise there are some people who committed heinous acts that manage to live a long time (like some of the S.S. officers who went into hiding to avoid persecution for war crimes).  Whenever we have something happening to someone, even though it is a result of past actions, of course we feel compassion.  Likewise, we feel compassion if someone has committed something heinous and hasn't had the results ripen yet.  I tend to do Vajrasattva for both parties, because the cycle will never end if we don't stop the heinous actions.  This is why it is very very important for Buddhists to advocate against the death penalty; we may think that someone won't commit more negative actions if they are dead, but of course, if they are alive and kept from harming others, then they have time to generate the power of regret.
  I notice in the west the tendency of people to say, oh what that guy is doing must be good, so he got instant karma and everything is working out for him, or vice-versa.  Actually the instant karma idea is not traditional in Buddhism; if someone is doing a practice we don't like or something, we should remember that we are not judge and jury to their karma; this is to do with their view intention and motivation. 

[psylotripitaka]

I find the strongest type of forgiveness, the one that brings a sense of complete forgiveness, is wisdom realizing emptiness. Not just as a passing thought, but a genuine and prolonged concentration on it!

When we apply the teachings of the vast path as many here have explained, it softens out the edges. Having done that, we have enough mental space and power to destroy the roots of our suffering temporarily, and eventually permanently by concentrating on the Profound.

In my communications with many people over the years, and reading in forums, I've noticed that the subject of wisdom realizing emptiness, which is actually the only final solution to every problem, is rarely mentioned. That is particularly odd on a website devoted to the Wisdom Buddha. It would be wonderful to see more use of the subject here. It is so healing!

[vajrastorm]

Forgiving, when it comes to something as grave and difficult as forgiving someone who has brutally raped and killed your loved one, is obviously very difficult and painful . Nonetheless, if we have the wisdom and insight to place this act in the broad context of the working of the ineluctable Law of Cause and Effect(karma), and our innumerable past lives, our present life and our innumerable future lives, we will be able to correctly view this grossly atrocious act as being the ripening of karma  of the victim, however close that victim is to us. "What goes out from us will come back to us". That's how karma works. Karma has returned to the earlier perpetrator of a similar act done to the current perpetrator.

Hence, forgiveness is very necessary to stop the vicious cycle of Cause and Effect which will continue to operate if we continue to give to way to our deluded need for retaliation.

Forgiveness starts the road to inner healing. Inner healing is the healing of the inner disease of hate, anger and the like, which are the root cause of suffering. If one can let go and forgive, one has already begun to show compassion. One grows inner peace. Inner peace and compassion are counters and antidotes to our poisons of hate and anger.However, it is the wisdom of realizing the law of Cause and Effect(Karma) that directly serves as an antidote to our ignorance and delusions, and which sets us on the path of forgiveness and breaking the vicious cycle and downward spiral of retaliation and revenge and suffering.
     

[pgdharma]

It is not easy to forgive someone who killed your child or loved ones but to hold onto resentment and anger, to seek retribution is even more difficult as it creates a painful mental state. So even for our own sake we ought to let go, forgive and move on no matter how long it takes and however difficult it may seem, eventually we have to let go of our bitterness and resentment, and forgive.

To forgive is to let go of feeling hurt, to give up our grudges. To forgive means to extend goodwill to those that we feel are opposed to us, those who have offended us, those who have hurt/harm us, those who don't like us, even those we regard as enemies. Forgiveness is truly an act of self-transformation. When we forgive we transform a negative mental state of resentment and anger into a positive mental state of goodwill. To forgive does not necessarily mean to forget. We are responsible for our mental state, and we can choose to let go of it and be forgiving.

[metta girl]

This couple chose to forgive because they know that if they dont do so ,the hurt and wounds can leave them with lasting feelings of anger ,bitterness and even vengence.Unless we let go and realize that the situation is over we cannot move forward.According to the insight of Buddha,if we hurt others we hurt ourselves.If others harm us they thereby harm themselves.If we help others we help ourselves .

[bambi]

Wow! How wonderful! It is always easier said than done to some people. Those brave and kind people show us how easy it is when we choose to forgive and move on. Holding on to the hurt and sadness will only make it  worse for our mind in the long run. As we will tend to think of revenge, be depressed and be unhappy. I wish them love and kindness always...

[Manisha Kudo]

As Buddhists, of which I am one, we believe that everything that happens is karmic and it has a strong, if not direct connection with our past lives. But to truly forgive, in my humble opinion we have to stop operating from past karma. Once we are able to cut ties with the past, that we are not driven by the seeds of sufferings that we planted in the past, we sincerely forgive and through this forgiveness we no longer create a future karma, be it positive or negative. This type of forgiveness does not need justification such as the child did this and the serial killer did that or I raped the killer in the past so he came back to avenge his tragic death etc. The drama stops because Dharma arises. In short, drama gives rise to karma, Dharma dissolves karma.  FYI, I am still quite a Drama Queen... hee hee