Author Topic: What is sexual misconduct and is there a finite line or are there grey areas?  (Read 21351 times)

yontenjamyang

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At the basic level, sexual misconduct is one of the 3 bodily actions that can cause negative results and sufferings in one and others; the other 2 being killing and stealing. It causes attachments to pleasures at the cost of others, can cause diseases, social issues, illicit children and even deformed (mental or physical) children in the case of sex between close biological relations. Further it costs spouses to suffer and sustain our existence in the cycle of rebirth or samsara. We can spend our entire live suffering from the karma created by sexual misconduct.

That is why I think it is one of the refuge vows.

kris

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I think flirting or sort may or may not be breaking the sexual misconduct vow, but if we keep doing it, it will definitely lead to breaking the sexual misconduct vow. It may be borderline or grey area, but why do a person want to go there? The whole point about having this vow is so that we stop us from making mistakes, and obviously flirting is creating the cause to make mistakes. Therefore it is best not to do it.

eyesoftara

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If one is not married or have a relationship then sexual misconduct is when one does the act with the wrong orifice and in the wrong places.

If one is married or have a relationship then sexual misconduct is as the above or any sexual act that your partner would not agree i.e sexual relationship out of the partnership or marriage. Basically, ask yourself this question. "Would my partner be ok with this?" If not, then refrain. After all the vows are for protection of negative acts that brings negative results. Notwithstanding other results of karma like environmental effect or habituations; worldly results show already tell us, what is right and what is wrong.

Midakpa

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Abstaining from sexual misconduct is an important precept for both lay and ordained people. It is found in the Five Precepts, the Eight Precepts, the Noble Eightfold Path under "Right Action", as well as in the Parajika-dharma section of the Pratimoksha Vows of monks and nuns. Right Action (together with Right Speech and Right Livelihood) falls under the "Morality" section of the Three Higher Trainings. It is essential for the attainment of inner peace. Incidentally, the three types of wrong bodily conduct (i.e. killing, stealing and sexual misconduct) are the same in the Noble Eightfold Path as well as in the Ten Non-Virtuous Actions (or Refuge Vows).

Sexual misconduct is a non-virtuous action of the body which will cause pain and suffering to others. Examples are adultery (for this causes the breaking up of marriage), rape, intercourse with minors, etc, and the perversion of others.  Buddhists believe that it is a cause for rebirth in the animal realm. Moreover, by avoiding sexual misconduct, one can protect the unity and well-being of families.

There are no grey areas because I find the Buddhist precepts for both lay and ordained people very clear and precise. But there are differences in degree of severity between the types of vows. For example, in the Eight Precepts, the third precept is modified to "abstaining from sexual conduct", which means no sexual activity during the period of this one-day vow.

The difference for laypeople and ordained people is that in the precepts for laypeople, "abstaining from sexual misconduct" or in the case of the Eight Precepts, "abstaining from sexual conduct", is the third vow. For lay practitioners, the first vow, in order of the degree of severity, is "abstaining from killing". But for ordained people, the first vow in the Parajika-dharma section of the Pratimoksha Vows is "abstaining from sexual conduct". Parajika means "the defeats" and those who commit a parajika are expelled from the order.


eyesoftara

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Re: What is sexual misconduct and is there a finite line or are there grey areas?
« Reply #19 on: September 20, 2015, 10:39:38 AM »
Sexual misconduct is one of the refuge vows.

To constitute the breaking of a vow, one must have completed the following 4 stages:

1) To have the  thought or idea
2) To carry out the act
3) To complete the act
4) To rejoice in the completion of the act and wanting to do it again and again.

And if you really have done the above 4 steps, the way to make amend is to apply the 4 opponent powers as below:

1) To regret
2) To promise not to do it again
3) To apply antidode to purify -  such as engaging in 35 confession buddha or vajrasattva
4) To do dharma practice

Positive Change, if you just have the thought and never carry out the action, it is not considered breaking the vow.... but I think it is better not to even start with the  non vituous thought ... becasue that may lead you up to the final stage.....

I agree with what triesa said above and this apply to all vows or karmic actions. With positions actions that leads to merits. we dedicate to a higher aspirations or to others. We negative actions , once the doer rejoice the action, the karma is complete.

I would like to point out the opponent powers; ie the number 4, technically is taking refuge and practice Boddhicitta. So I think Dharma practice is also correct.

psylotripitaka

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Our longing for contaminated aggregates is a problem, because the experience similar to the cause is more contaminated aggregates and the tendency similar to the cause is longing for contaminated aggregates!

We need to replace that with longing to practice Dharma purely, longing for liberation, longing to have a Buddhas aggregates, longing to free others from their contaminated aggregates, longing to meditate, longing to experience emptiness, longing to overcome ordinary appearance and ordinary conception, longing to complete generation and completion stage and so on.

cookie

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If the following 4 conditions are fulfilled that's definitely a sexual misconduct :-
1) To have the  thought or idea
2) To carry out the act
3) To complete the act
4) To rejoice in the completion of the act and wanting to do it again and again.

The grey areas are when the 4 conditions are not fully exercised. Threading on these grey areas are risky and feeds into our ignorance and desires. With mindfulness and wisdom we must take heed to not thread further and totally refrain from further wrong.

Ratna Shugden

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Counteracting #sexual #desire

Methods that works
1. #Logic
Think about consequences unprotected #sex &/or promiscuity on your...
(A) #Health
#Indulgence in #sex reduces your vitality. You will have spend #money on #healthsupplements in order to restore your vitality at a faster than natural rate. Consumption of any pharmaceutical #aphrodisiac is dangerous. Risk of getting the incurable #AIDS increases with promiscuity. Condoms are not foolproof.
(B) #Wealth
Overspending your monthly #budget to fulfill your sexual desires
(C) Image & reputation
Being known for your promiscuity has a negative effect on your chances of starting & developing a good relationship with a good women. Women will have a negative impression of you & will treat you accordingly. They won't let you know that they are discriminating against you, you will be getting second-class treatments.
(D) #Crime
Risk of being blackmailed increases with promiscuity.
2. #Karma
Recall #Dharma teachings on karma from sexual misconduct.

Methods that will fail you
Contemplating on...
1. #Impermanence
Everything else is just as impermanent, so why not enjoy first?
2. Impurities of the human body
The naked body before you is clean, beautiful & smells good, it's not a rotting corpse or a skeleton, if that's the case, saying 'No' will be easier.
3. #Death #mindfulness
When you are facing a sexual temptation, you aren't dead yet, death looks distant, so why not enjoy first?

Ratna Shugden

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(I can't edit my previous post, so I repost.)
Refraining from sexual misconduct

Reasonings that works
1. #Logic
Think about consequences unprotected #sex &/or promiscuity on your...
(A) #Health
#Indulgence in #sex reduces your vitality. You will have spend #money on #healthsupplements in order to restore your vitality at a faster than natural rate. Consumption of any pharmaceutical #aphrodisiac is dangerous. Risk of getting the incurable #AIDS increases with promiscuity. Condoms are not foolproof.
(B) #Wealth
Overspending your monthly #budget to fulfill your sexual desires
(C) Image & reputation
Being known for your promiscuity has a negative effect on your chances of starting & developing a good relationship with a good women. Women will have a negative impression of you & will treat you accordingly. They won't let you know that they are discriminating against you, you will be getting second-class treatments.

Imagine your #girlfriend introducing you to a female #friend of her's, who turned out to be the woman whom you slept with last night!

(D) #Crime
Risk of being blackmailed increases with promiscuity.

Imagine your friend threatening to tell your girlfriend about your promiscuous #history, if you don't give in to his demands.

2. #Karma
Recall #Dharma teachings on karma from sexual misconduct.

Reasonings that will FAIL you
Contemplating on...
1. #Impermanence
Everything else is just as impermanent, so why not enjoy first?
2. Impurities of the human body
The naked woman tempting you is clean, beautiful & smells good, it's not a rotting corpse or a skeleton, if that's the case, you will definitely say 'No'!
3. #Death #mindfulness
When you are facing a sexual temptation, you aren't dead yet, death looks distant, so why not enjoy first?