Giving Up

[LosangKhyentse]

When I see people who always want to give up, feel sorry for themselves, want tons of sympathy time after time, don't achieve what they promise and still want more sympathy, I want to give up on them. They drain you of your hopes, emotions, feelings and trust towards them. They turn it around and say they had it tough and want to give up, but the truth is they don't know what tough really is. Tough is when you do nothing about your situation.

People who want to give up so easy manifest pure selfishness much more than others. All of us are selfish and the name of the game is to lessen the selfishness. Why indulge, glamourize, talk about it all the time? Why celebrate the failures?  Instead of wasting time talking, groping for sympathies, explaining why you failed, sharing eloquently why you couldn't do it-instead JUST DO IT.

It would be worth more your's and everyone else's time to share why you made it and why you succeeded. And how you did it. I'm not judging here but just we need to wake ourselves up. We can't parasite off of others forever and expect no repercussions. I had my downs many times, what can anyone do for you anyways? You just gotta get up and say I am going to do it so no one else suffers because of me. Compassion in action.

People who wish to give up make others want to give up on them. After all, how come you can give up and others cannot?
As a Buddhist, I am not saying let them suffer and forget about them, but sometimes not giving more attention to their poor me novels and pity parties is the best way to show compassion towards them. After all, if they do something about themselves, old and new friends will all join in again to celebrate their successes. I would.

The only real crossroad in life is to choose me or all sentient beings. If you choose yourself, get ready for another 100,000 pity parties to come in this life alone. Better stock up on party favours now. But if you choose others, then you will go the right way. Every book that is considered really sacred directs us towards others. When we choose others we find strength, acceptance, love, growth, energy, creativity, eventually happiness and we find who we really are. Great bliss. Choosing ourselves has been our downfall from beginningless time. Why choose something PROVEN TO FAIL?

Feeling like giving up is the path back to darkness or remaining in darkness. Choosing to give up is the biggest challenge that we can present ourselves while we have the chance because it shows who we are and who we choose to be. Remember, it's a choice. Be responsible with our choices because only we experience the results. External forces are created by the internal in one way or another. Wanting to give up and worse even several times a day shows how we are still hoping someone to rescue us without any effort from our own.  Sad for the people who believe in you. That will never happen. In the 'real' world, YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN YOURSELF.  Just do it. Don't think and examine anymore. From how many angles more and how many thousands of more times do we examine our laziness? We are lazy and selfish, it's confirmed, so just do it!

I find it funny people want to take the easy way out. What easy way out? To where? Where would it be easy? They don't leave is because where they are now is easy and they know it.  It's like when you change environments, suddenly you leave your old habits in the old place too? Doesn't make sense. What makes sense is honour, integrity, hard work, effort, self worth from results. These are timeless and no one can take it away from you or anyone. If you want them, guess what you gotta do? Work! Do it right from where you are now.



 

I like very much what is written here. If they person wants to give up and it's rare they have these moods, then speak to them and help them. Give them what support they need.  If it is chronic and constant, and it becomes just an excuse,  then I agree that we just need to let them sort it through. Letting them sort it through doesn't mean abandon them, but let them find the strength/wisdom within themselves that they didn't know they had. Compassion and care come in many forms.

TK

[Helena]

I agree with DS Friend. I, too, had spent a lot of time and not to mention, $$$ on motivational talks and conferences. But I found that they do not really help me in the ultimate sense. To me, these bootcamps are "cosmetic superficial solutions". They do not provide the real life long solutions. They are just a "feel good" experience. Again, this is purely from my own encounters.

A long lasting solution is of course, working on ourselves and we cannot do that if we refuse to face the ugly truth about ourselves. We do like to wallow in self pity. We do like to make excuses for things we cannot achieve and even justify why we do not like to do them.

Compassion and wisdom can come in many forms. At the end of the day, nothing matters when we do not even bother doing anything about it ourselves. No strength and wisdom can ever help us, if we don't help ourselves.

How would we ever know our own strength, when we are not the ones picking up ourselves when we fall?

How would we ever know our own wisdom, when we can't even counsel ourselves to do what's most beneficial for us? Especially when we have spent most of our lives, counseling ourselves to weasel our way out of our responsibilities and duties? There's no higher responsibility and duty than being accountable for our own actions, taking control of our lives.

How would we ever know compassion when we are not even compassionate to others, especially to those whom we have bled dry of their patience, hopes and kindness because we have always been letting them down?

It's always easy to expect people to continue giving, supporting and helping us. When do we stop expecting others to do it and we do it for ourselves and for others?

At the end of the day, if we can't even be there for ourselves to do what's best for us, we will never know how to do the same for others. Hence, perhaps this is why we will stay entrapped in 'selfishness and fear' and still label it justifiable exhaustion to the point of giving up. 

[dsiluvu]

Recently I heard a very good quote or saying by J.K Rowling... it was about failure. I cannot remember where I read or heard it but basically she said something that really struck me and was like a light bulb turning on... She mentioned that Failure was a powerful force for her to actually achieve and be who she is today.

She did not GIVE UP was the key and her experience of Failure which became a powerful force for her to push herself to achieve her dreams.  Failure actually pushes you to edge until you learn to fly is what I understand. So Failing is not the end of the road.

So JUST DO IT... like what Thaimonk said is similar and no matter no matter how many times you fall/failed, we must pick ourselves up cos no one can. What it is we do, or wherever we go, the principals to achieving anything is still the same. NEVER GIVE UP & JUST DO IT!

[Helena]

Once we perceive the small space of our habituated mind, we begin to long for the open vastness we have glimpsed in the eyes of the Lama. We begin to understand that in "giving up" the dubious freedom of following our dualistic rationale, we are in fact losing nothing and gaining the possibility of everything.

From page 20 of "DANGEROUS FRIEND": THE TEACHER- STUDENT RELATIONSHIP IN VAJRAYANA BUDDHISM by RIG'DZIN DORJE

One of my favourite books which I always read, re-read time and time again.

[Reena Searl]

Sometimes FEAR of not fulfilled and people around me make me want to give up.
Sometimes Laziness and problems arise make up want to give up.
Like BIG UNCLE shared,
"Our practice should be worth more than these petty disappointments."
Just continue the precious journey and NEVER GIVE UP!

[WoselTenzin]

Sometimes FEAR of not fulfilled and people around me make me want to give up.
Sometimes Laziness and problems arise make up want to give up.
Like BIG UNCLE shared,
"Our practice should be worth more than these petty disappointments."
Just continue the precious journey and NEVER GIVE UP!

When we say people around me make me want to give up, we are putting the blame on others for our wanting to give up.  It may be true that some people around us sometimes can demotivate us but there will always be people around us whose presence will motivate or demotivate us and this applies to everyone.  Like everything else, how we respond is our choice.

Instead of letting any negatives around us whether animate or inanimate drag us down, we should instead use it as an impetus to rise above it because we know that's not where we want to.  If we give up, we lose and the negativities win. So what it is going to be is up to us.

[buddhalovely]

Giving up is only a choice and only you can mend what's ahead. It's just a phase, or metaphorically speaking, a barrier in our own mind. It just shows how vulnerable we all are for allowing this barrier from stopping us from what we really want to achieve. Our mind is the most powerful thing we have, wake up and use it! Once you've reached the other side of your own barrier, you're setting yourself to a whole new level of challenge that little did you know you can achieve or could even standardize in. People who give up are weak, they are people who were raised having things handed to them like a baby having spoon-fed by a mother. Just like that. They grow up to be brats, yes, but it is only up to you to make the change. Things only happen when you allow them to.

[Midakpa]

Sometimes I think about the dharma friends who have given up and left and wonder what they are feeling. Are they happier or do they regret and wish to come back? When I was new in dharma, they were the ones who encouraged me, taught me mantras and explained things to me. How come they are gone now and I'm still practising? I had hopes in them and supported some of them financially so they could continue to help others. I feel disappointed but I have not lost faith in the teacher and the teachings. Maybe that's why I'm still in the dharma.

Those who leave do so not because of the teacher but because they cannot get along with some dharma brothers and sisters. This is due to their inability to transform and be less selfish. If they have already left, we can't do much to help them unless they express the wish to come back. But we can help those who feel like giving up.

How can we help those who feel like giving up?  I think we can help by learning the dharma well, transforming ourselves and be a good example to others. We can help by not giving up ourselves.

[bambi]

Last time, I would've have given up in many things in life and just walk away. As they say, the grass is greener on the other side! Especially with the laziness and habituations ways that I was brought up. I don't really give a damn! (excuse my language). Fun was my best friend!

Now, I will NOT give up Dharma in any way! No matter how my family, friends and financial difficulties push me away, I will never give up the LOGICAL teachings and practices so sacred. There will always be difficulties and obstacles along the way but then I know it's because of the negative Karma I brought onto myself.

For those who feel like giving up... Take a step back... Take a deep breath... Think logically... Contemplate...

DHARMA is not wrong... It's our selfishness and laziness that made us deluded! We were already WRONG before we met Dharma!  So how can Dharma be bad for you

[ratanasutra]

Thank you thai monk for a thoughful post.

i agree that giving up is an easy way out as we don't want to face the problem and solve it so the easy way is avoid it and giving up on it. People who always give up will never achieve or success in anything in life as they do not put effort to solve problem and they totally forget that whatever they go or they do there are problem and they not face up and solve it eventually they have to give up with everything.

[Jessie Fong]

When everything you do does not go right, you feel you just want to throw in the towel, call it a day.  Because it is easier to give up then to continue to try to settle the matter.  When this happens, we are just running away from it, not wanting to face the problem.  It does not get solved and still remains a problem.  We must put more effort into finding a solution, try different means, think out of the box; for if we have been very insistent on one single method and it has not been fruitful, we must seek advice and help from others to try various ways and means to solve the matter.

[sonamdhargey]

It is so easy to give up when things gets tough. But when things are rosy, happy, good we all accept it with an open arm don't we? Why is that we have double standards when it comes to circumstances? When good its all good we embrace it without s thought. When bad circumstances we always want to push it to others and blame others and most of the time out of convenience, just give up snd walk away. Sound familiar?

Yes I've been like this like a roller coaster until I met the Dharma. I'm still roller coaster but I'm learning and observing from the Dharma centre on how to overcome my weakness. I observe the people in the Dharma centre and also got a lot of teachings from my guru. I noticed people who never gave up no matter how bad the situation is they just accept and do it without complaining. These people grow. These people succeed, they become nicer, more pleasant and I see people who ran, gave up, blame and complained all the time. These type of people never grow, always is someone's fault and never succeed in anything they do.

My opinion is when things get tough, we should not panic and go into blame and ran away mode. Instead we should calm down, put our pride down, think about the situation and find a solution. That way even though we fail, at least we tried and we can learn from that exerience and improve. Practice makes perfect. We run, we will run for the rest of our lives and we can only run so far and eventually our life catches up on us and there is no where to run anymore and it will be too late.

[Tenzin K]

When we face difficulties its norm to look for easy way out because it’s the fastest solution to run away from dealing with it. Not that we cannot deal with it’s just our laziness and selfishness. We keep on running and running until one moment when we can’t hide anymore we will be hit by a biggest one and we flat off. Actually it’s not that bad but just that we have not train ourself to face it.

Being a single to give up every time, we go nowhere and our live will just be very exhausted because we keep on running frm problem and will never be happy.

Being a parent, it’s definitely not a good example but the worst is how to support the family by giving up? The family members will be the victim of this act and again the family will just break off.

This shows how important Dharma is to individual and family because it teaches us to face the problem which is not given by others but it’s us the created it. Live never been easy because we are in Samsara but if we don’t learn up to face it we will always be unhappy and never move on. Dharma makes us reflect on ourselves and improve on our short fall move forward. The best in our live is to live with Dharma and always continue with our practices consistently. 

[Carpenter]

I realize that when a person wanted to give up on something, and they can easily give up, it is because they have very least responsibility, that’s why even after they gave up on something, it does not affect them much, and slowly, they will built up a habit of giving up with just a small problem they encountering.

When someone has heavy responsibility / commitment, they will not say give up easily, you would hardly or never hear a word of it came out from them. Because when they give up, they will not have the time / chance to start over again.

So whether that person is sincere or not, you will clearly see it because when they mentioned a word of giving up, it shows how much they committed to it.

[ilikeshugden]

A true test of faith is when there are many obstacles and you believe there is no way to go already. Push forward! Don't run! Dorje Shugden practitioners have been driven away from the monasteries and do they give up? No! If they do not give up, even though they have been deprived from their resources as there are still some people who do not mix with Dorje Shugden practitioners because of the ban. Not giving up may be hard but the fruit obtained is better. You become a stronger and better person!