Dear "Survivors",
Involvement in Group Dynamics
With respect to the emotional trauma you have from being involved with spiritual organizations, there are two things happening: the practical conventions of the situation, and your own subjective response to it.
For the sake of true healing I urge you to blame every single experience of suffering on your own self-grasping and seek refuge in emptiness. I mean really concentrate, not just think about it, for that is the whole point of having met the Holy Dharma. If we do not make a firm decision that the meaning of life is realization, we will definitely find it very difficult to use our experiences as fuel for realization, and instead will continuously invest our energy in blaming others. How unfortunate that would be, to get to the end of our life and realize we wasted our precious opportunity being upset. It is time to change our direction.
"It is not only time, it is almost too late" - Heruka Je Pabongkhapa
There really is nothing wrong with communicating our perspectives, disappointments, or needs, but it is also unrealistic to expect that in samsara we will never be let down. If we cannot handle a situation or are confused about how to deal with it on a practical level, we need to separate ourselves from the situation and concentrate primarily on controlling our subjective response! Expecting people to be perfect and always treat us with respect is contrary to the way things function within the samsaric system. If we constantly say 'this is entirely natural in samsara', we'll be less inclined to get upset. Therefore, it is crucial that we develop a realistic and clear distinction between what is going on practically, and what we must take responsibility for in the situation - our response. Looking very carefully and closely at circumstances in our life, we find that the only thing we are ever really harmed by is our own view of what is appearing and that we are the only one's to blame for our emotional turmoil. Taking personal responsibility for our own mind is the first real step towards true healing.
I do not discredit the situations that happened in your involvement with the NKT, but when we boil it down it is really our own subjective perspective that is to blame for our experience, not other people or an organization. By continually thinking about all the things that rubbed us wrong, we victimize ourselves through our own thought processes; thoughts that are clearly not aligned with correct view or correct intention.
This does not mean we have to continually be involved in the group dynamic or stay in a situation, but it is foolish to mentally throw away the whole thing based on a few challenging experiences that we ourselves responded to with delusions. In short, rather than wasting life victimizing yourselves, redirect that energy to genuinely applying the Dharma to destroy your samsara.
The Controversy
I understand where you're coming from and do not belittle your perspectives, and dialogue is good, thank you for sharing. All I wish to say on this subject is this:
A simple difference of opinion about something does not give anyone the right to abuse the other party. Who Dorje Shugden is or is not is really completely irrelevant. There is extensive verifiable and undeniable evidence of the Dalai Lama and his followers abusing human and religious rights of Dorje Shugden practitioners. That people cannot acknowledge this fact is astonishing, especially since it completely contradicts Buddha's advice to 'abandon harming others, be kind to them'.
If you cannot be kind and respect other people's right to have a different practice, and you cannot stop the ostracism and negative behavior towards Dorje Shugden practitioners, you should stop calling yourself a Buddhist.
The protests are not arising from nothing; they are practical attempt to stop abuse.
To me, it is absolutely astonishing that a supposed emanation of the Buddha of Compassion and Master of Logic does not see the contradiction in this situation. And so, the BuddhaDharma is being destroyed from within, all from a simple lack of respect. How sad!
