HIV/AIDS And Forgiveness

[apprenticehealer]

One of Buddha's main teaching is on non-attachment. And another virtue that Buddha taught is Forgiveness.

If one puts the two together, then forgiveness comes a lot easier. When someone hurts us, abuses us, we get angry, holds a grudge, plans revenge to hurt that person back. We are so attached to our egos that we need to 'get justice' , 'take revenge , make that person suffer '. That is all the ego talking . At this point , we are feeding our ego more and we will never even want to talk about forgiving .

Being infected with a fatal contagious disease is absolutely devastating , but we need to understand that it can be our karma to catch this disease in the first place , that everything is impermanent , we start our dying process on the very moment we are born. If we have the karma to have this deadly disease in our present lifetime, are not not creating more bad karma by not forgiving the person who infected us.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool to release oneself of the anger that is contained within us, and forgiving oneself releases the guilt that will eat into us and eventually make us more sick at all levels.

[Positive Change]

I think people begin to make HIV/AIDS as such a huge issue because of the route of which the disease is spread ie sexually. Especially when a person is in a relationship, this shows that the partner has not been faithful to their spouse/bf/gf... and therefore the anger that comes from it is mainly due to the infidelity and lost of trust toward the infected. It's not so much as ostracizing the patients, but when someone has already been so hurt from being cheated and then had to face the fact that they need to care for their partner/spouse and at the same time if they have children... they will fear if such a situation will affect the child etc... its complicated.

Take for example, some people get HIV through blood transfusion... they never get much negative reaction from their family/friends, except from the narrow minded people whom are not educated about the disease.

Forgiveness... yes, it will come. After all, when we realize that 'letting go' is actually easier than holding on... people will move on and make the most of it.

BTW, HIV is not a death sentence... geez. Cancer and high cholesterol will kill you faster than HIV

I agree with most of what you said Q with the exception of the part in which you said:

"Especially when a person is in a relationship, this shows that the partner has not been faithful to their spouse/bf/gf... and therefore the anger that comes from it is mainly due to the infidelity and lost of trust toward the infected."

This is not entirely true as some relationships were formed after the fact. Meaning, one partner was already living with HIV whilst the other was not and was aware of it. Even though one of the main ways to contract HIV is through sexual means, it does not always mean infidelity played a role in the cause of infection.

The reason why people living with HIV is largely due to many misconceptions. There are other "innocent" means of contracting HIV for example:

1. A young virgin contracting HIV though the partner who did not disclose his HIV status.
2. An innocent blood transfusion.
3. A baby through pregnancy

These instances I am sure are pretty innocent though probably due to their own karmic debts.

[bambi]

Its a good topic! i truly believe that something this serious may not be that easy but I also believe that nothing is impossible. For some may be a longer time. If my partner were to tell me this news, I would want to know how he got infected and the seriousness of the it at that moment. And because of the complexity of the disease and the karma to have it, I would still treat him well instead of blaming and abandoning him. It would be a very good practice for me.

[diamond girl]

"Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life."

This quote from the article caught me most. It is so true that many believe that when you forgive, you forget. This is not true and this quote states so. However, many remember only to not forgive. Therefore to forgive does not mean the act of hurt is nullified. But more that we forgive so that we can move on.

Personally, holding on to anger and resentment makes living daily a hard task because of the heavy lingering feeling attached to our minds and heart. I must admit that to forgive is a hard task in itself. This is when the teachings of the Buddha helped me a lot. Impermanence made me realize that even the pain I feel will go away. Knowing this makes it easier to let go and move on.

In the context of this case of HIV/AIDS I can imagine it is harder than just emotional hurt. The disease is physical too. To forgive under these circumstances will take a lot. And I appreciate what many have shared here on the karma aspect. Karma is based inevitable and has no discrimination. So if we have AIDS and we can accept the fate of karma we can move on and live while we are alive. And if we believe in merits and purification it will even enrich our lives while we live with AIDS. We can live for others while we live with AIDS as opposed to living in anger to die. We will all die with or without disease. 

[Positive Change]

Its a good topic! i truly believe that something this serious may not be that easy but I also believe that nothing is impossible. For some may be a longer time. If my partner were to tell me this news, I would want to know how he got infected and the seriousness of the it at that moment. And because of the complexity of the disease and the karma to have it, I would still treat him well instead of blaming and abandoning him. It would be a very good practice for me.

That is a brilliant way to look at a situation. True compassion comes from accepting someone when they are at their lowest points and trying to 'lift' them up. As Buddhist we refrain from stepping on the down trodden...

If your partner has such news to tell, I believe it is individual karma as well as collective karma at work. As the receiver of such news, one must also contemplate the ripening of one's own karma to have such an episode in one's life as well. We can either create more negative karma and perpetual this collective karma or try to 'resolve' it once and for all. Running away in anger, disgust and disappointment does not sound like the way to go... acceptance, forgiveness and compassion certainly sounds more plausible...