Author Topic: Why do we stay silent and not speak up!  (Read 25219 times)

Gypsy

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Re: Why do we stay silent and not speak up!
« Reply #30 on: April 17, 2012, 01:24:57 PM »
Seriously, not speaking up is one of my problems. I'm never a public speaker, due to my nature of being shy, afraid of speaking wrong things and get rejected..all these are arises from high ego, i just do not want to look stupid. Yes, not speaking up due to the above reason looks more STUPID! I'm learning to let go of this ego thingy and open my mouth to give constructive suggestion now.

I agree with Wosel Tenzin on speaking in appropriate situation. Some people do most of the talking in a meeting or gathering, while some remain silent probably they are not interested or do not want to contribute at all. I find although some people who does a lot of talking, is a reflection of wanting attention and praise. Giving empty promises or unconstructed ideas and not get the real work done, is as lame as those who are not speaking up and do not contribute at all.

Ensapa

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Re: Why do we stay silent and not speak up!
« Reply #31 on: April 19, 2012, 10:20:05 AM »
Not speaking up and remaining silent when we see someone going the wrong direction or making a mistake is actually tantamount to making the mistake ourselves and we will collect the same amount of bad karma as the person who has done the mistake. This is of course assuming that we are in the capacity to advice others to stop something harmful and negative.

In my case, i tend to speak up too much and at the wrong time as I do lack the skillful means to do so tho there are times where I do fail to speak up when I find myself lacking the capability to tell others, or if i feel that the person that I need to speak up to will take it wrongly and react in a way that may be harmful as well = better to not speak up in this situations.

thing is, it is a very tricky decision whether or not we should speak up on something, as if we dont speak up, it is bad, but if we do speak up and it makes the situation worse, we are at fault as well. So we need to develop skillful means and use whatever methods we have to develop that although the main factor behind skillful means is compassion...in this situation we need to develop it to stop others from harming others and themselves.

Speaking up requires a lot of courage and wisdom as well as skillful means as well but the best factor that will drive you to speak up is compassion as you do not wish to see that particular person harm themselves which is why you speak up. Do keep in mind that situations can be tricky at times and there is no one way to speak up "correctly", so just do your best, as long as you dont keep quiet.

valeriecheung

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Re: Why do we stay silent and not speak up!
« Reply #32 on: April 21, 2012, 06:44:23 PM »
Silent is scary. From my own short mediatation into this matter, i believe is because of not care, laziness to take duties or responsibilities, ego and etc.. Not care reflect from selfishness. The things which bring in self profit only speak up, if not rather silent this character is quite common. Laziness is also arise from selfishness. From here i noticed selfish is very scary and because no compassion and caring or loves. But buddha said all human beings got nature buddhahood so all this is can be bring out from our mind depends on environment, conditions,education and practices. The one of the good result to speak up is no regret, so speak up and take action when it is not too late.     

Tenzin Malgyur

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Re: Why do we stay silent and not speak up!
« Reply #33 on: April 22, 2012, 04:30:33 AM »
For myself, sometimes I stay silent because I am not familiar yet or have a shallow knowledge of the topic that was being discussed. Therefore I feel I do not have any point to contribute  that can be of help, so I do not speak up and drag the time longer for a solution to be found. I believe I should think deeper and contemplate on what the effect of my speech will bring should I say something. I confess though, at times I remain silent for fear of appearing silly or offending someone. In my upbringing, I was taught not to offend anyone with my speech and even to say no in a most polite and positive way.

Manjushri

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Re: Why do we stay silent and not speak up!
« Reply #34 on: April 22, 2012, 08:47:57 AM »
Ah, the million dollar question. I guess there's a few reasons why:

1. One was brought up that way, our culture, our parents. One was taught not to speak up, and listen to the seniors instead. Because this has been habituated from a young age, it is carried forth in life as one ages. Taught by parents and disallowed in the culture, one then keeps quiet from habituation. - this I find is more pronounced in traditional Asian Cultures. But it doesn't mean that as we grow up, we still do not learn how to speak up.

2. One is lazy to improve on knowledge. Therefore leave it to others to learn and read up. From lack of knowledge, one cannot give their 2 cents worth, therefore decides to shy away and hide in silence so as to not be noticed. This arises from pure laziness, of not improving one's knowledge, so then there is nothing to add, and we stay silent. This also gives rise to selfishness, because essentially, the work is left for others to do, so that we can get knowledge from their input as they have read up and learned, and cared to improve their knowedge.

3. One is afraid of losing ego, and decides to save their face instead. Afraid to sound silly or stupid, afriad of being laughed at, we hide behind our ego with hopes of salvaging our face by staying silent. It's all in the mind - people might laugh at what you say, but respect/admire you for speaking up or people might laugh at you more for staying silent and lose respect because you are just... a lifeless background.

Whatever it is, we have a choice. Of course, there are times where we really have nothing to add or say. But prolonged periods of staying silent is not the way to go, as I've found out. By staying silent and not providing answers, people start assuming and things might get worst. By staying silent, it shows that no progress has been made, which is even worse as one embarks on a spiritual journey of self improvement. By staying silent, it just goes to show that we don't care - how selfish.

Positive Change

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Re: Why do we stay silent and not speak up!
« Reply #35 on: May 05, 2012, 06:45:37 PM »
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and views... From what i gather, staying silent is nothing other than a selfish and egotistical standpoint. No matter how we sugar coat it with reasons, explanations and justifications, it all boils down to a choice... Yes it is a choice that we stay silent and hence it is very much a decision we make given our fears and wrong views. It may sound harsh or absolute but if we reflect on it honestly... It IS! So whatever delusions we have, make an effort to speal up and do not afraid of what you say because saying nothing is far worse!