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General Buddhism => General Buddhism => Topic started by: DS Star on November 24, 2013, 03:15:12 PM

Title: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: DS Star on November 24, 2013, 03:15:12 PM
"A grieving woman slept next to her husband’s decaying corpse for almost a year after his death left her so devastated she was unable to report it."

(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/11/19/article-2510068-1983801A00000578-985_634x298.jpg)

The mummified remains of the dead husband Marcel H, 79, was found by Police on the bed of a Brussels apartment where his grief-stricken wife, 69, continued to sleep despite the smell and decomposition.

The body was only discovered when the landlord alerted Police after noticing the couple had not paid any rent for over a year. The Police believed that Marcel died of an asthma attack in November last year.

It takes at least a week to reach such a state. In this case the body had rotten in the bed and his internal organs had melted and liquefied.

A pathologist said that for a while the body would have been swarming with insects
.'


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2510068/Grieving-Belgian-woman-sleeps-grisly-remains-dead-husband-year.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2510068/Grieving-Belgian-woman-sleeps-grisly-remains-dead-husband-year.html)

Many will sympathise with the wife and some may even commended her for her so-called strong love towards her dead husband thus even willing to sleep with his decomposed body.

Is this LOVE or is it illogical attachment to the idea of love?
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: Jessie Fong on November 24, 2013, 03:34:49 PM
How could any sane person live with a corpse for a year?  The stench from the decomposing body will be so bad.

I think she was out of her mind to be living with a corpse. How could this be love? If she knows the meaning of love, she should then learn to love herself first, and stay away from a decomposing body.

I feel she was  too obsessed with her husband, so attached to him that she refused to let him go, believing that if she kept him physically close to her, she won't lose him.


Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: bambi on November 24, 2013, 03:51:47 PM
Sleeping with a corpse for a year!!! Oh my goodness, imagine the amount of maggots and the stench!

The attachment to her dead husband is so strong. It is definitely an illogical attachment. It is so sad to see the wife go through so much just to be near to her husband. I really pity those that have such strong attachments but aren't most of us the same. Just in different ways. We are really lucky to have the merits to understand and practice Dharma. I hope that they will have the chance one day too.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: brian on November 24, 2013, 03:59:21 PM
oh my goodness, can't imagine the world these days with ever more freakish news such as this. It is entirely illogical tho and kinda hard to believe for someone who can still be sleeping next to a corpse for one year. I kinda respect the lady but for goodness' sake, just move on... how would she be possibly still sleeping with the corpse of her husband without ever feeling scared for the very least let alone the smell. Strong attachment i believe had caused such act.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: Manjushri on November 24, 2013, 04:12:15 PM
Gross attachment is one of our biggest downfall that is why in Dharma and Buddhism, it teaches us to detach from all things that we view as permanent, which in actuality, is impermanent.

Look at how this woman's attachment to her husband has ruined her life. From the day her husband left her, I am sure she has suffered tremendously, from creating lies on her husband's whereabouts to her immense sorrow that she may have felt night after night watching her husband decompose. She must have lived in fear of being discovered. She must have withdrawn. She must have found no more purpose to life. She must have thought her world had ended.

Attachment is one of our greatest downfall, because all our actions to satisfy it and maintain our attachments will only reverse in its effect in us. It's a never ending vicious cycle if we do not step on the brake and realise it.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: dondrup on November 24, 2013, 04:37:35 PM
Her act of sleeping with her husband's corpse for a year is not act of love but  attachment, selfishness and utter ignorance!

Had her husband known of her strong attachment, he wouldn't have died in peace!

Had the disillusioned woman ever thought about the health hazards associated with a decomposing corpse?  The decomposed corpse could have been a cause of diseases to spread in the local community and thus endangering the lives of many others including herself!

This is an example of how extreme attachment can be very detrimental;  causing a person become mentally sick!
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: Aurore on November 26, 2013, 04:03:13 AM
They must have had no children or grandchildren for her to have kept this secret for so long. I think their life was very much just the two if them. So when he died, she felt like she lost everything. She's definitely mentality sick from deep depression and have no will to live anymore. Otherwise, she would have tried to pick herself up and got on with her life. At a minimum, report the death of her husband!

This is what most people have to go through during their old age, loneliness, death of a loved ones, fear of no one who take care of you during sickness, illnesses, lack of finances and vitality. How would you guys deal with old age so that these suffering are lessened?
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: pgdharma on November 27, 2013, 08:21:11 AM
Poor woman! To sleep with her dead husband for a year! How did she stand the stench from the corpse? Her attachment to her husband is so strong to make her resort to this! She must be crazy or living in denial not accepting her husband’s death. I can’t imagine the torture and pain she had to go through sleeping in the same bed as the corpse!
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: hope rainbow on November 27, 2013, 10:33:50 AM
I read some more about this on internet.

In one article, a coroner explains that it is not as rare as we think to find people that live next to the body of a deceased loved one, be it a husband, wife, parent or child.
He says that some people simply cannot realize that that person is dead, the reality does not kick in at all, and others do realize it but are in denial simply out of attachment, they can't part with the physical remain.

Usually the smell alerts the neighbors. In this case, the neighbors thought that it was because of the dirty garbage that the house was filled with.

If the smell does not give the alert, it may be the family that looks for someone that has not appeared in a while. In this case, the family of the deceased had stopped all contact with the deceased, so they obviously were not looking for him.

So, it appears it is not rare to find such cases, but they usually are discovered within a few days, what is extra ordinary here is that it lasted for one year!
The owner of the place where they lived reverted to an expulsion of the "couple" because they did not pay the rent for a year. And thus he discovered the body while coming to the house.
Now, if they had continued to pay the rent, this could have gone on much longer...
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: diablo1974 on November 28, 2013, 09:29:43 AM
it can be love and attachment. both are valid explanation pertaining to this story. Loving your partner is not wrong at all, we should love people we love such as our parents and family. Its not right to say bcos i do not want to get attached that is why i do not want to love.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: Tenzin K on November 28, 2013, 02:52:16 PM
Without learning Dharma and knowing what is attachment I will say this lady is deeply in love in with the husband but what sadden me is that without knowing the real love in dharma context upon dying we are so helpless and really don’t know what we can do to really secure an eternal  love for our partner.

For this lady her ways is to keep the dead husband body next to her but it’s just the body. Imagine if this lady practices dharma, knows pujas so much things she can do to dedicate a great merits for her husband. The body meant nothing after the consciousness left the merits dedicated will bring great benefit for his future rebirth. This kind of act which I called as real eternity love that last forever.   

How important for us to understand what we can do at the crucial time so we will not regrets and we can let go for the real meaning of love.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: sandra on November 28, 2013, 03:38:04 PM
Feel sad to know about this as the attachment to someone unknowingly and interpret it as love. I can imagine the lady must be in deep sad of losing her partner.  If she know dharma, she must be able to let go. We should learn from this story don't ever grasping on something so hard. Nothing can be permanent in this samsara. We need to keep on remind us all the time. We should further think of definition of love. Love should be kind of attachment or selflessness? We really need to think about it.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: rossoneri on November 30, 2013, 05:48:02 AM
I am sorry about the death of the husband and as an emotional being we have the rights to be sadden by the news. But not to the extend of keeping the body of your loved ones even it is decomposing and filled with insects. This is beyond my imagination! This is not the way to grieve, if the husband is still around as a spirit, he might be just feeling very sad for his wife. Well, sometimes thing can be very easy to comment when you are not the person. So, i am very lucky be able to know the Dharma and learn about impermanence is the way of life.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: maricisun on November 30, 2013, 04:57:38 PM
It is sad to hear of a woman sleeping next to her dead husband for a year. The stench must be so unbearable but is it out of love that she can't let go of the thought that her husband had been dead for a year? If she has Dharma knowledge then she should be able to let go and not to be attached to anything.  Therefore it is important that we should learn and practice the Dharma. In this way we do not suffer when a love one pass on.                                                         
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: lotus1 on November 30, 2013, 08:46:16 PM
It is sad to hear about this. Agreed with Dondrup that her act of sleeping with her husband’s corpse for a year is due to her attachment and ignorance.

Her attachment and ignorance are so strong that she can sleep with the corpse and not able to see the truth of impermanent and use her current life for a better purpose even when seeing the body rotted and the internal organs melted and liquefied.

This strong attachment may also cause her dead husband attached to her, not able to pass on peacefully and become a spirits too.

Om Mani Padme Hum!
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: Freyr Aesiragnorak on December 01, 2013, 04:03:54 AM
This is truly a saddening story. The poor woman just couldn't let go. This might sicken some people, but let's not forget that we too have been this woman. In one of our previous untold lives we were a woman who couldn't let go of her husband, and in another life we could have been the husband himself.

Rather than being disgusted or saddened, we should meditate on this story and analyze the feelings this woman had from her point of view, the sheer attachment and then relive her experience of seeing the body of her husband decay. This way we not only see how much attachment people have but also impermanence. My Guru has taught mediation on the deaths of others to cut attachment to that person. It is only by meditating on something like this do we actually have an experiential understanding of 2 important things: the level of attachment we can suffer from and the impermanence of death and change. Surely this is suffering, Suffering of attachment and suffering of change.

Just to comment on Diablo1974, you are right to say we should love others. But I disagree slightly, you mention parents and family, I agree with that, but we need to cultivate equanimity between our loved ones, enemies and strangers. Only then can we truly develop the Bodhicitta motivation. There is a difference between love and attachment for sure, but most of actually love another person, not because of that person but what that person does for us. If you meditate on your relationships with other people, the greater love you have for them is directly related on how much you think they do for you. All of what i've said is all well and good, but to actually practice this is another matter altogether.

The woman and her husband will surely be in my prayers tonight. May we all knowing their story, develop insight into the working of our own minds and further our spiritual insights and attainments to be able to help both of them in our future lives together.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: Manisha Kudo on December 01, 2013, 12:22:33 PM
Have you ever kept a toy or a memorabilia that was so meaningful to you that you just wouldn't throw it away? You probably had it for years, perhaps since the day you were born. It was your heirloom! Imagine that your life partner is gone and you performed all the rites and ceremonies to ensure that his afterlife was well taken care of.

But...  :-[

In your mind, heart and soul you continued replaying memories of your love with him and your fingers are constantly polishing the wedding ring as if it was just presented to you yesterday. You seemed normal, so normal that you prepared meals for two, cleaned his clothes and shoes and wished him good night before going to sleep.

Even though this hypothetical person is not lying next to a corpse, she is behaving in a way that she is sleeping next to his ghost.

We don't need a to keep the body of our deceased loved ones in bed to show signs of attachments. However, never forget, we do need time to grief and to cry and to heal. During this period of change, having a strong Dharma practice helps us to cope and assist the deceased to move on.



Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: RedLantern on December 01, 2013, 01:03:16 PM
I just feel true sympathy for the poor woman,sometimes we do not realize just how much of a loss it is for someone to lose the person they have shared more than half their lives with.Truly sad.....may she have a peace of mind.
In Buddhism, a Buddhist cultivate detachment,to view the world as less enticing and less permanent.to be detached from pains as much as pleasure.Because things are impermanent;so it shows one to deal with this fact.Nothing is permanent,knowing that someone we love will die ,changes your love for them somewhat.
Knowing we will pass from this world,and never be seen again,inevitably changes your love for it;your attachment to it is correspondingly diminished by this knowledge.This forms one basis for non - attachment.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: buddhalovely on December 01, 2013, 03:27:57 PM
I think this is simply attachment to someone that has been living with her for very long time. Refuse to accept the fact that the husband already died but to convince herself that everything is alright. It reminds me about a story that my guru told me. There's a house where lives a loving couple. the husband passed away in an accident and didn't come back home on that day. The wife was extremely sad and then she refused to remember that her lovely husband has no longer around because it was too pain for her to remember. Hence she sit at the door and waiting for the husband to come home until one day she herself passed away but her spirit could not leave that house and she still there kept waiting for the husband to be back. It showed me the power of attachment is so scary and the only way to get away from attachment is to practice Dharma..         
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: metta girl on December 01, 2013, 03:56:03 PM
Being too attached to someone and something is not good... Imagine sleeping with a corpse and it's rotting every single day .It's so unhygenic and inconsiderate and not having a hold or control over one's own mind is bad too... Should stay clear minded and do the proper arrangement  then grieve later. .Nothing is permanent even our grieves.. it will soon end.
      " The reason many people are miserable, sick ,and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy 
         attachment to things they have no control over."
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: Kim Hyun Jae on December 01, 2013, 04:07:05 PM
When we talk about letting go and to be detach, it is harder to practice it when we are faced with the real truth. Sometimes we do not accept or cannot accept reality when it happens to us personally. It is easy to talk about letting go but it not easy to let go. However, on the other hand, once we recognize what letting go is and re-learn to letting them go day by day will probably be better rather than a shocking reality of sickness, death etc.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: cookie on December 01, 2013, 04:09:19 PM
The wife is clearly sick; mentally sick and obviously caused by gross attachment, insecurity and fear to move on with her life without her husband. My heart goes out to her. I am sure she is not even aware of the actual conditions she or the corpse is in. I hope and pray that there are people out there compassionate enough to give her a helping hand to move on with her life.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: DS Star on December 01, 2013, 04:34:19 PM
Call love, attachment or in-denial, she must be mentally unsound to be able to sleep with the rotten body of her husband infested with insects & maggots.

Well-said metta girl. The root cause of this problem is the attachment to conditioned things/objects... that subject to change and impermanence.

      " The reason many people are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy 
         attachment to things they have no control over."

Rather than being disgusted or saddened, we should meditate on this story and analyze the feelings this woman had from her point of view, the sheer attachment and then relive her experience of seeing the body of her husband decay. This way we not only see how much attachment people have but also impermanence. My Guru has taught mediation on the deaths of others to cut attachment to that person. It is only by meditating on something like this do we actually have an experiential understanding of 2 important things: the level of attachment we can suffer from and the impermanence of death and change. Surely this is suffering, Suffering of attachment and suffering of change.

Yes, it very important to do death meditation everyday. This will help us to cut our attachment, to a particular person, persons as well as to our own body.
Title: Re: Woman sleeps next to dead husband for 1 year
Post by: OMB on December 01, 2013, 08:14:25 PM
I felt really sad for this old lady, her sufferings from strong attachment toward her late husband. If she's in dharma, she will understand that life is impermanence & it would be easier for her to let go.