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General Buddhism => General Buddhism => Topic started by: bambi on March 23, 2013, 05:43:28 AM
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Last Christmas, my friends invited my family and I for dinner at their house. We told them before that we are vegetarians. But in time, they forgot. When we arrived at their house, I went to the kitchen to see what was my friend cooking and all I saw was chicken and salad. My family was surprised but we decided not to say anything and just follow the flow. And of coz, we didnt want to offend our friends so we .......... ate the food they served.
Why? Because my friend took the time and effort to cook for our family and she meant no harm. And it wasnt because we enjoyed eating it.
It wasnt until 2 weeks ago, when she was talking about food and I casually reminded them that we dont eat meat and they were very apologetic as they totally forgot about it.
My question is
What would you do if the same thing happened to you? Will you eat the food served?
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That happens but usually what i do if it's an invite by someone who doesn't know me well is that a couple of days before the dinner, i'll ring up and say btw i'm vegetarian but please don't go out of your way to make something extra.. i will bring something anyway and i can have the salad and potatoes etc...
Hope that helps - it's more preventive so that neither you nor the host/hostess is put in a difficult position.
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Dear Bambi
Since you mentioned your friend had prepared salad as well, then go for the salad. If you are vegetarian because you have taken a vow, then please stay clear of the meat. Otherwise, you can just eat the vegetables that accompany the other dishes. I am sure your friend will not be offended by your choice of food/diet.
I am sure there will be some vegetables or potatoes among the great food that your host/hostess will serve.
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In this scenario, you could have avoided eating the chicken but just take the salad! Notice your friends were very apologetic after you have reminded them you are vegetarians. Had you been firmer by refusing the chicken, your friends wouldn’t have mind! True friends can be really open about things like this. Isn’t it better to not cause them to be apologetic? Your friend could have turned around scolding you for not reminding them again knowing that they have forgotten about you being vegetarian!
You can be grateful for their hospitality by being truthful. It is no offending at all but you show your sense of commitment to vegetarianism and that would command respect from your friend.
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Yeah, I have been in this situation too many times!
Personally, I have taken a vow to never eat meat, so I always stay clear of meat regardless the situation. However, I do not impose too great of a restriction as I do not wish to be too problematic or appear fanatic to my friends, so while I do not eat meat, I am perfectly fine if there's chunks of meat in my salad... I'll just remove the meat and eat the vegetables. Simple as that.
There is really nothing to fear about... I always thought to myself, if my friend can't even respect me enough to accept my choice of food, then they're not nice people to have around me ;)
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I would remain vegetarian and would politely decline the meat and remind my friend that I'm vegetarian. I don't see it as offending the other party when not eating the food they offered as you have already informed them that your family is vegetarian. As a friend, they would understand and respect your preference and as a friend we must also do our part to remind them2-3 days before the actual day. I've encountered similar situation before where my friends forgotten that I'm a vegetarian and didn't prepare vegetarian meal for me and I politely told them I'm vegetarian and they were very sorry and quickly cook up a simple vegetarian meal for me.
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Since you did mention before the dinner party that you and your family were vegetarian, you should not have felt obliged to eat the meat but politely decline and just eat the vegetables served instead. As a good friend who had unwittingly forgotten that you are vegetarian, she wouldn't have been offended but instead would have quickly prepared an alternative option for your family. Well at least that would be how I would have handled the awkward situation if I had been the host.
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I would decline the meat, stay on my vegetarian practice and only eat the salad. The reason for this decision is because I am become vegetarian is I don't want animals to suffer and I should stick to that.
I know people may say they should not waste the food, but I won't use this "excuse" because everyday, there are many meat left over from some restaurant and that means I should eat meat everyday to avoid wastage?
This has happened to me in real life before. After I politely declined the food, they never forget I am a vegetarian :) It solved this problem (of remembering me as vegetarian) once and for all :)
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In my opinion if we can't put aside our personal preferences for meat for one meal to honor our friend's kindness in preparing the meal then, we are not good enough to be invited in the first place.
This is not about self righteous or preachiness.We should just eat the salad and take off the meat and just
not make a fuss out of the situation, to prevent our hosts from being embarrassed.We should eat together
without anyone feeling that their way is best.We can learn from each other and make our own choices and still be good friends.
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Don't take the meat. Just because your friend drink and smoke, would be it be okay to accept it if you don't drink and smoke? Respecting our own choices and be consistent on it would command respect from others. The reason of going vegetarian is to reduced the sufferings of animals. Your friend would be inspired I would think. We won't need to be embarrass of it.
Drink and smoke are bad for health and plenty of reasons, everyone knows about it as a fact. Eating meat is bad for health and plenty of reasons as well, but not everyone knows about it.
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For me I will not eat the chicken. Since salad is served, I will just eat the salad and politely let the host know that I don't eat meat. If they are true friends they will understand and respect our choice.
I have been in this situation many times too, so I just ate the salad. If they insist of cooking something for me after they remembered I don't eat meat, I will let them know that it is alright that I just eat whatever is served and removed the pieces of meat. Now when they invite me for dinner, they will have a few dishes that I can eat.
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Bambi, I have been in your situation many times too. Since the host have spent so much time and effort to prepare the meal, I would just help myself with the non meat dishes. Of course, you were very wise to not make a big fuss over the whole situation and make your friend feel bad. The purpose of one not eating meat is to avoid the need to kill more animals. Your friend may noticed how well you reacted and hopefully one day she would also be convinced to stop eating meat too.
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For not wanting to create a fuss at the party, politely decline the meat from the dishes that were served and help yourself to the vegetables. I am sure the hostess will not be offended.
No one will force food down your throat. By not making a fuss, you save your friend from an embarassing moment. The next timd you receive an invitation from her, gently remind her about your request.
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Yes, should have taken the salad and leave the meat out if you have taken an oath in front of a Dharma master or Buddhas. I think its important no matter in what circumstances you are into, in this scenario, you got yourself a choice...take the salad and not the meat.
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This situation is quite common and it happened to me so many times. Under this situation it very much depends on our motivation. If we think that should hold on with our commitment but at the same time we don’t want to hurt other people feeling or make others difficult we can just take the non-meat dishes.
Most of the people now are quite open to vegetarian and would be able to understand. If they don’t then just treat it like an education to them but only if they ask for the reason else we should keep the mutual respect for each other preference.
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I am sure many of us had faced such awkward situation, one way or another. My suggestion would be - somehow remind the host that of your dietary preference in a polite way, I am sure they will increase the portion of salad or think of something vegetable base for you. If there is no extra vegetarian dishes, just join in but eat anything that is not meat.
My point - I would not like to impose upon my friends and neither do I want to compromise on my vegetarian diet, hence find the middle way ! In the worse scenario, what till you get home and make your own supper!
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Simple , just eat the salad minus the meat ,if any in the salad . By that time your friend would have noticed , that they forgot you are vegetarian and would as any good host would, offer you vegetarian food. In future , may i suggest that reminders to our good hosts are required, as its not easy hosting a food based party. Even for the professionals , ie those in the Food and Beverage industry such as Hotel Restaurants , they need to be reminded , seen one too many instances where the vegetarians needs are sidelined .
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Go for the salad bambi, salad is goood and even if it was mixed along with the chicken you can still pick the salad and leave the chicken out. Perhaps you can just consume anything else on the table that is meatless without letting the host know what you have eaten. We as vegetarian can be comfortable and should make others comfortable as well by not making him/her feel sorry because they didn't know we are vegetarian.
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I would have just eaten the salad and make them feel really bad for not remembering. LOL.
The same thing happened to me as well. I was invited to an appreciation dinner by a friend. She wanted to cook dinner to thank a few of us for helping her with her project. When we arrived, the dinner was roast chicken with roasted potatoes, carrots and onions. The rest realised as soon as they saw the dinner. She felt really bad but I didn't kick a big fuss and I ate the sides which are roasted vegies. So everything was ok. She knew I was a vegetarian since we had numerous dinners together but yet friends do forget (unintentionally).
Personally, not out of expectations or anything, I think friends/people in general should try to remember what others' needs, preferences and sometimes even choice of anything. In this case it's food. What if someone have allergies? Or can't eat certain types of food because of a certain diet due to sickness? Or is a muslim and don't eat pork? I know people who don't like certain food such as soft boiled eggs or fish or spicy food for example.
Anyways, the lesson for everyone and myself is to be considerate and think about others always even when it comes to tiny details such as this. Observe the people around us and take mental notes of their needs and preferences always.
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I have experienced this once, where I went to a christmas party which was hosted by a friend and he cooked lagsana as the main dish, totally forgetting that I was vegetarian. I ate it anyway because i did not want him to feel bad, but at the same time i totally have no desire for the meat and neither do i find it tasty. In cases like these, it is very important to remember over motivation for being a vegetarian: do we hold on to our ideals at the cost of making someone else unhappy? Is it worth it?
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I will still insist on eating the veggies and not touch the meat .I will apologise to the host just in case he/she is offended. And also will explain and share some knowledge on why not to eat meat . I think it will also make the conversation more interesting. If they are not able to accept the fact that we are doing an act of killing either directly or indirectly then just explain and encourage them to eat more vegatables for healthy living .
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You could also tell them you took a vow, hence you couldn't eat those meaty stuff. I used that excuse before although the excuse was definitely the truth. :)
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You might politely inform your host of your food preferences beforehand to avoid an awkward situation.
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In this type of situation where a friend forget you are a vegetarian even though you have told them before, I will politely remind them and go for the salad instead. If they have side vege with the chicken dish, then just eat the side dishes minus the chicken. If your friend truly understand they will not be offended even though they have spend time cooking the dishes specially for you.
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Yes , I will take the food as we didnt want to offend our friends as he or she did it without any ill intention.
We may take the salad without the meat. As a vegetarian, I think we should not create much trouble for those who serve us food with a good intention.