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General Buddhism => General Buddhism => Topic started by: nagaseeker on January 07, 2012, 03:43:51 PM
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Here is an article that reflects upon inter-religious acceptance between spouses. (It was originally written for http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thedailyenlightenment-realisation/message/193 (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thedailyenlightenment-realisation/message/193) about six years ago.) Do share your thoughts on it!
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Reason : less problem
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I think as long as both parties truly accepts each other's beliefs and do not impose on each other, an inter-faith marriage could work... Even better if both make effort to understand the other's religion and try to find some common points.
Easier said than done of course, especially if both are staunch in their respective religion. As a Buddhist, I imagine it may be quite hard to live with someone who firmly doesn't believe in future lives and karma, as their perception of and purpose / priorities in life may be different from one who does? Its like one would have a longer term / broader point of view but the other may have only a short term/ narrow point of view in life, and live their lives accordingly on the respective basis.
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Why should religion be barrier to two people sharing their lives together? Many marriages have lasted through time andy many have not. From what I know, those which do not last have nothing to do with religion but character differences and the famous "irreconcilable differences".
Religion is meant to bring compassion and harmony and not fanatical impositions. Look, if your partner can impose onto you his/her beliefs without regard to your beliefs, then you should not even consider marrying him/her and it is not about religion BUT disrespect...
If two people can accept the differences in religion and yet respect the differences, then I would say they have begun building their future in strong foundation.
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Hi Nagaseeker. Very cool signature banner you have :)
I appreciate friendships from people of all faith but to marry a person of a different faith would be quite a challenge. All faiths and religion teaches good values. However, the methods may vary and at times seems contradictory.
Religion, a belief system is crucial to ground people. And people sharing the same belief can provide a tremendous support towards each other. Therefore, if the method seems contradictory, i'd think it'd be quite difficult to be of support to our spouse.
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I have faith in my religion, therefore, I am not "worried" about being compared :) Also, since Buddhism promotes harmony among religions, this should apply to married couple too.
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Hi Nagaseeker. Very cool signature banner you have :)
I appreciate friendships from people of all faith but to marry a person of a different faith would be quite a challenge. All faiths and religion teaches good values. However, the methods may vary and at times seems contradictory.
Religion, a belief system is crucial to ground people. And people sharing the same belief can provide a tremendous support towards each other. Therefore, if the method seems contradictory, i'd think it'd be quite difficult to be of support to our spouse.
Nice huh , took me 20 minutes to design it ;D.
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I have faith in my religion, therefore, I am not "worried" about being compared :) Also, since Buddhism promotes harmony among religions, this should apply to married couple too.
Dear Kris , you are not "worried" about being compared , but how about your spouse. i know its not a game or whatsoever for us to proof whoes religion is "better" but we are still in samsara .Buddhism promotes harmony among religions , but how about other religions ?
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Religion has nothing to do with my love for my spouse. Spirituality makes us more loving and caring. It's just that my spouse attends a different school of spirituality than mine. If my love is determined by issues like religion then my love is not about accepting the person but more on fulfilling my expectations.
If this is the case, then I'm doomed to be miserable.
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I will not marry someone who is of different religion to me. I may go out with someone who is not Buddhist. We may say that love conquers all and other stuff, but when it comes to the real situation, it may be more difficult to handle that perceived. There will be conflicts and misunderstanding etc.
To avoid all this, I'd rather not.
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Hi Nagaseeker. Very cool signature banner you have :)
I appreciate friendships from people of all faith but to marry a person of a different faith would be quite a challenge. All faiths and religion teaches good values. However, the methods may vary and at times seems contradictory.
Religion, a belief system is crucial to ground people. And people sharing the same belief can provide a tremendous support towards each other. Therefore, if the method seems contradictory, i'd think it'd be quite difficult to be of support to our spouse.
I too like the signature banner of Nagaseeker... keep it up!
DS Friend, I can see how marrying a person of a different faith "could be" a challenge. BUT it should not be. I believe when one commits to a relationship, one should not make such issues as the differences in religion come into play. In fact, one should find the common ground that one shares with one's partner and that encompasses religions too. It also includes, friends, likes and dislikes, family etc.
I guess the key to a successful marriage or any relationship is understanding and respect for the differences and enbracing the commonalities. That is how we compliment and support our spouses or partners! :)
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Would you marry someone that is of another religion?
I picked the answer: YES, WHY NOT?
But I would have preferred this answer: YES, ABSOLUTELY!
I think that inter-religious marriages of two practicing persons can do wonders to our world in serious need for inter-faith harmony!
So, I think that these types of marriages could contribute to world peace!
Also, it can bridge communities, especially in places where different faiths must live together, such as India or the Middle-East.
Often in such places, we find that religion keeps people apart instead of bringing people together, that is very saddening...
If faiths cannot live harmoniously within a couple, how can they live harmoniously in the world?
How?
This vote reminds me of this true story that happened in India shortly after the independence when the country was torn apart by the separation into Hindu and Muslim states. There had been violent struggles and many people were killed.
One Hindu man came to the Mahatma Gandhi and confessed that he had killed Muslims, and was sincerely regretting his action.
The Mahatma advised him and his wife to adopt a Muslim child and raise him in his Muslim faith.
As a Buddhist, this should even be more appropriate, for the Buddhist faith embraces all faiths without contradictions.
So what is the problem with inter-faith marriages really? What a wonderful spiritual practice this can be!
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I have friends who married their spouse of another religion and I don't hear them having any problems.
To me, it is actually the extent of understanding and respect in a relationship that will determine these factors. There must be a level of understanding and discussions as to what will happen when they decide to get married due to the different beliefs. I will not coerce nor disrespect as I love that person for who he is and not what he believes in. I am sure that when we change to be better due to our spiritual practices, our spouse can notice it and maybe they will be inspired to do better at theirs.
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I would not. In any union may it be marriage (the most common one), commercial etc. having to deal with different view points are already issues to be handled, why make it more problematic with something so personal, of which you can make a choice.
Love is beautiful, but love of a marriage is so conditional (in most cases, usually after a perfect princess or prince) why make it more difficult with another condition of religious differences. With time the differences will show and become an issue.
Love based on choices is already conditional, so make the right choice and marry someone of same religion. A condition set right from the start.
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I think yes, why not? If we observe carefully, regardless of religions, or if a couple have different or same religion if depends really on the individuals involved if the marriage works. I have seen a few interfaith marriage that works and many of the same faith that didn't work out. Hence, in marriage, religion is not really the problem, unless the laws says you need to change the religion of your spouse as in some countries.
Being buddhists, we value the spouse's disposition ie if the spouse is compassionate, loving to others, let go of negative situations etc. We can find many of a different faith who has this qualities.
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I would not. In any union may it be marriage (the most common one), commercial etc. having to deal with different view points are already issues to be handled, why make it more problematic with something so personal, of which you can make a choice.
Love is beautiful, but love of a marriage is so conditional (in most cases, usually after a perfect princess or prince) why make it more difficult with another condition of religious differences. With time the differences will show and become an issue.
Love based on choices is already conditional, so make the right choice and marry someone of same religion. A condition set right from the start.
Dear DS.
This is a little bit scary though....
Because if we establish the fact that we can't live harmoniously among different faiths within a relationship of love, how can we hope that societies can live harmoniously with different faiths, especially in places/countries that have different faith within the same area, same city, same buildings?
Then this thought comes to my mind: could a Dorje Shugden practitioner and a non-Dorje Shugden practitioner marry and live together harmoniously?
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I would not. In any union may it be marriage (the most common one), commercial etc. having to deal with different view points are already issues to be handled, why make it more problematic with something so personal, of which you can make a choice.
Love is beautiful, but love of a marriage is so conditional (in most cases, usually after a perfect princess or prince) why make it more difficult with another condition of religious differences. With time the differences will show and become an issue.
Love based on choices is already conditional, so make the right choice and marry someone of same religion. A condition set right from the start.
Well... I do not think marriage is and should be conditional. If it were, it should not be a marriage. The very meaning of the word marriage means is to join or unite regardless if the individuals are similar or not. It is how well they "gel" and form a team, hence a "union".
What Hope Rainbow points out too is very valid and real... if we cannot even accept the differences in our so called partners that we will be spending the rest of our lives together, how in Buddha's name can we even try to accept someone we do not know.
We need to get out of precisely this selfish and self absorbing attitudes in order for us to view every person, every being, every animal as a fellow sentient being devoid of his/her/its faults. No disrespect to you Dondrup Shugden or anyone else who has this opinion... but think about it for a moment though, Imagine if everyone we close-minded in this way, it is no wonder in this day an age, one can walk into a crowd and blow themselves up in the name of a narrow minded opinion stemming from a selfish thought.
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Marrying a person of different faith is alright but it has its challenges. If one is committed to such a relationship, one should understand and accept the differences than the marriage will work. All religion taught us to have tolerance, harmony and compassion. Thus one should apply these teachings and support each other to make the marriage work as spirituality makes one more caring and loving. A marriage that does not work is not the fault of the religion but of the differences in thoughts, behavior and character.
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I would not. In any union may it be marriage (the most common one), commercial etc. having to deal with different view points are already issues to be handled, why make it more problematic with something so personal, of which you can make a choice.
Love is beautiful, but love of a marriage is so conditional (in most cases, usually after a perfect princess or prince) why make it more difficult with another condition of religious differences. With time the differences will show and become an issue.
Love based on choices is already conditional, so make the right choice and marry someone of same religion. A condition set right from the start.
Dear DS.
This is a little bit scary though....
Because if we establish the fact that we can't live harmoniously among different faiths within a relationship of love, how can we hope that societies can live harmoniously with different faiths, especially in places/countries that have different faith within the same area, same city, same buildings?
Then this thought comes to my mind: could a Dorje Shugden practitioner and a non-Dorje Shugden practitioner marry and live together harmoniously?
Hope Rainbow,
The question you raised about whether a DS practitioner and non-DS practitioner can marry and live together is also quite scary... it made me think... I think that if the Ban did not exist, it would be fine as I feel that inter-faith marriages can work and I would marry someone of a different faith. But in the reality of the Ban, then it would be impossible for DS and non-DS practitioners to marry...Why? It is not the religious differences BUT the political propaganda and impositions dictated by government.
Plus, marriage is a samsaric requirement and "necessity", and so it comes with definite guaranteed sufferings... Yes one could say why add to the issues with religious differences? I would prefer to have the view that if religious differences can be overcome with harmony, compassion and tolerance (the basic teachings of all religions) then such virtues would also overcome other sufferings in marriages and relationships.
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I would not. In any union may it be marriage (the most common one), commercial etc. having to deal with different view points are already issues to be handled, why make it more problematic with something so personal, of which you can make a choice.
Love is beautiful, but love of a marriage is so conditional (in most cases, usually after a perfect princess or prince) why make it more difficult with another condition of religious differences. With time the differences will show and become an issue.
Love based on choices is already conditional, so make the right choice and marry someone of same religion. A condition set right from the start.
Dear DS.
This is a little bit scary though....
Because if we establish the fact that we can't live harmoniously among different faiths within a relationship of love, how can we hope that societies can live harmoniously with different faiths, especially in places/countries that have different faith within the same area, same city, same buildings?
Then this thought comes to my mind: could a Dorje Shugden practitioner and a non-Dorje Shugden practitioner marry and live together harmoniously?
Hope Rainbow,
The question you raised about whether a DS practitioner and non-DS practitioner can marry and live together is also quite scary... it made me think... I think that if the Ban did not exist, it would be fine as I feel that inter-faith marriages can work and I would marry someone of a different faith. But in the reality of the Ban, then it would be impossible for DS and non-DS practitioners to marry...Why? It is not the religious differences BUT the political propaganda and impositions dictated by government.
Plus, marriage is a samsaric requirement and "necessity", and so it comes with definite guaranteed sufferings... Yes one could say why add to the issues with religious differences? I would prefer to have the view that if religious differences can be overcome with harmony, compassion and tolerance (the basic teachings of all religions) then such virtues would also overcome other sufferings in marriages and relationships.
religious differences can be overcome with harmony, compassion and tolerance (the basic teachings of all religions) then such virtues would also overcome other sufferings in marriages and relationships. BUT pls be practical based on our life experiences. Do you have a spouse different religious? Spouse is some one that you be with most of the time, eat,sleep and have longest hours bed talk. For example, if you are buddhist but your spouse is christian or islamic. When you wish to spend over of hundred or thousand to set up an altar,invite statue,buy offering bowl and etc., will he/she is fine with this? This might create the cause for non stop arguement even after years, because human always forget we should tolerance, respect each other and let go ego.
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Then this thought comes to my mind: could a Dorje Shugden practitioner and a non-Dorje Shugden practitioner marry and live together harmoniously?
This is my take on the above. Because of the ban, it has caused family to break up, friends becoming enemies, etc. I have heard of parents disowning their children because of the ban, what more on couples? So, a DS practitioner and a non-DS practitioner who is already married before the ban still has a possibility of living together harmoniously as there is love that binds them together, if they can look beyond their own personal religious beliefs.
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You're missing one selection... 'I'm not going to marry' choice haha...
Well, in my opinion... Difference in religion should not be a problem unless one of the partner tries to dominate by forcing his/her believe onto the other partner. If such a thing does not happen, then I believe it can be a happy union.
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You're missing one selection... 'I'm not going to marry' choice haha...
Well, in my opinion... Difference in religion should not be a problem unless one of the partner tries to dominate by forcing his/her believe onto the other partner. If such a thing does not happen, then I believe it can be a happy union.
arh , the sys does'n let me add in more than 5 choices , 'I'm not going to marry' is a good one !
you see, you partner might not try to dominate by forcing you to believe onto the other partner's religious but it will definitely have different point of view on each believe . when you have strong faith with you guru/buddha , will you wish to share with your partner/soulmate because you know it will definitely benefit them ?
to me , the best is to practice alone as 'I'm not going to marry' or the partner that have same believe as you
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Well, to answer this question. Firstly, personally i wouldn't marry someone who is different religion with me because inter-faith marriage doesn't work on me. If i have a strong faith on my spiritual/religion practice, i will completely follow what my spiritual guide said and i will somehow expect my spouse to follow. How wonderful we as a married couple worship and practice the same religion and together we apply the teachings in life and benefit others?
if my spouse is from another religion, before we get married, there must be some sort of compromise or even conversion, sorry to say that. Well, this is just my own personal choice. However, for other people who believe and have faith in inter-religion marriage, I'm absolutely supportive. When two different religion individuals can come to a state of compromise, do not interfere or try to convert each other, practise on their own without disharmony or conflicts, benefit others using their knowledge gained from their respective religion, WHY NOT? Harmony is what we want, all religion should be united and there's only one goal we need to achieve that is PEACE.
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There are many cases of long lasting and happily ever after marriages between people of different faiths; similarly, there are also many divorces between couples of the same faith.
Religion is definitely a big factor in choosing our life partners but I don't think it is THE most important one.
True practitioners of any religion would be able to care and love others beyond the boundary of race and religion.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Given a choice, I would rather not marry someone of a different faith. Besides different spiritual practices, friction will arise in the religious upbringing of the next generation.
Further more, in our old age when our hormone and lust have dwindled down, growing old with someone on the same spiritual path is definitely more enriching than otherwise.
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Yes , why not.
I agree with what Kurava said here. Couples sharing same faith would be the ideal pairing . I believe some religious orders do impose such conditions on their followers but I think it is more for the long term good of those concerned rather than meaning it to be dictatorial in a negative way.
One's faith should be kept private when we deal with ordinary events in our lives.The external manifestation of our individual practices should first and foremost be about benefitting others and having love and compassion for others.Who cares about how spiritual we are if we engage in actions which harms others, disrespectful of others right to happiness or have no consideration for others feelings.
It is natural for us to want our partners to share our own beliefs etc. However, we should win them over by our example , not by label, force or by dogma.Buddhism is the most tolerant religion because we believe in past, present and future lives. Hence, even if our partners don't ' switch over ' to our faith in this lifetime , we would have planted seeds in them to do so in future.
A lot of misery and unnecesary suffering had been caused in the past and even now , when over zealous religious people or their organisation use more than persuasion and sincere love to convert their partners or others thus suppressing free will to decide.
There are no good reasons, be it rational, moral or spiritual to use religion to split couples in love or to encourage segregation based on religion because it will only create disharmony , division and obstruction to world peace. If religion causes the above division and disruption, its credibility will be eroded and future generations will reject it because it promotes ' sepecism' and 'elitiscism' which leads to war and destruction of human race.
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This is an interesting thread. I guess it is highly personal and would depend on the two people in that particular relationship. As the question is asked would YOU marry someone who is of another religion, i would answer that personally, I would not. It is not that I believe interfaith relationships can last. It is just that personally, I would wish to walk the same spiritual path as my partner so that we can grow in the same direction. if we wanted to go to Manchester, i would prefer it if we both took the same vehicle - be it the train or the car together. Why would i want to go by car and he go by train? That wouldn't be much companionship. If he loves the train and i love the car, yes we would arrive at the same destination but we wouldn't be able to share the journey together and help each other along the way. For example, if my car had a flat tyre, he couldn't help me because he'd be on the train! Likewise, if i was struggling with some part of my spiritual journey, if my partner was in a different faith, he would not understand what i was going through nor could he help me through it aside from simply psychological or emotional support.
This does not mean that relationships between two people of different faiths cannot work. It's just my personal preference.
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I read all new posts here and I still think we are not saying it loud enough:
IF WE CAN'T LIVE HARMONIOUSLY WITHIN A COUPLE OF DIFFERENT FAITHS, WHAT KIND OF RELIGION(S) ARE WE PRACTICING?
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Of course.
For a couple to get married they will need to understand each other and even tolerate each other characters. In this case what they need to do is to extend their tolerance for the religions differences.
Religions is to bring compassion and harmony. Each individual should respect and encourage their spouse religious. Instead of looking the differences of the believes they should look into the similarity and the quality that bring harmony to the family. I
In each country we have different cultures within the country but as long as the leader promote harmonious and respect the other cultures it will bring peace for the country.
Yes, it never be easy but if it's love that bring the couple together, the true practice of the religious will definitely bring harmonious. It's nothing about whose right or which is better but is all about benefiting each others and eventually we extend it to others.
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Marrying a person of another faith has its challenges. Those who thought of marrying must set a correct motivation right at the outset. Marriage is a union of two complete different personalities; living and staying together till death do them apart. There are a lot of responsibilities involved. The qualities expected of a marriage include: Integrity, love, compassion, selflessness, honesty, accepting the uniqueness of the spouse, patience, tolerance, harmony, giving, transforming oneself for the other and not changing other for oneself, protection, respect, responsibility, effort in making the marriage work, doing more for the other etc. With the correct motivation, a person can marry a person of any faith.
Without a proper motivation of why a person wants to marry, the marriage may not be successful. We don’t even have to go further into inter-faith marriage. Inter-faith marriage brings more challenges into the married couples’ lives. Sentient beings are full of delusions. The scenarios before the marriage and after the marriage are completely different. Most marrying couples put up their best front to woo the other partner prior to their marriage. Once they are married, they let their guards down and become their original self. That’s when the problem starts. Each spouse has different perception or opinion of how things should be done. This difference can cause a major argument to arise! Eventually these differences become unmanageable and then form one of the main reasons why marriages had failed. Statistics have shown there are more failed marriages than successful marriages.
Spiritual practitioners are advised to think carefully before embarking on the married life. Can the practitioner handle more responsibilities and thus distractions in the married life? Can the practitioner deal with attachment especially at the last moment of their life? If the practitioner can, marriage is an opportunity to put Dharma into practice.
Despite all the above, Inter-faith marriage is a wonderful way to encourage harmony and understanding of the people from different racial, cultural and religious backgrounds. The World needs peace, stability and harmony badly today.
To conclude, be it interfaith marriage or otherwise, it is important to understand why we want to get married.
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You're missing one selection... 'I'm not going to marry' choice haha...
Well, in my opinion... Difference in religion should not be a problem unless one of the partner tries to dominate by forcing his/her believe onto the other partner. If such a thing does not happen, then I believe it can be a happy union.
arh , the sys does'n let me add in more than 5 choices , 'I'm not going to marry' is a good one !
you see, you partner might not try to dominate by forcing you to believe onto the other partner's religious but it will definitely have different point of view on each believe . when you have strong faith with you guru/buddha , will you wish to share with your partner/soulmate because you know it will definitely benefit them ?
to me , the best is to practice alone as 'I'm not going to marry' or the partner that have same believe as you
Well... i understand what you mean. But think about this:
I understand that some practitioners can be very enthusiastic and want to share their faith/religion with their partner... and that's good, very good. However, if the partner already have a fixed religion which he/she practices... it is not nice to 'share' our believes with our partner. There are many reasons, some are:
1) if we have strong faith in Guru, and practice well... tolerance is like our brother
2) When we try to share or force our faith with a partner that is already loyal to one religion, that means we don't respect our partner's choice of religion and the religion itself.
3) it also shows we're being self-centred and egoistic because we want our faith to be the right one... or else, why not we join the other religion instead?
4) We shouldn't preach the Dharma in cases like this, as I believe it will disturb the receiver's mind... But if we truly love our partner whom holds a different believe, we can teach them the Dharma in a more 'self-help' way rather than as a religious practice.
Just my 2 cents worth... =)
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How interesting a lunch I had today.
This very topic came up and I was with 4 christians and one muslim.
NOBODY wanted to believe that inter-faith marriage was possible but me.
In fact, at one point I was told that for me, being a buddhist, it was "ok" to live with someone of another faith, but that it would be much more complicated for someone of another faith to mix...
??&^%#??? ... Go figure...
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How interesting a lunch I had today.
This very topic came up and I was with 4 christians and one muslim.
NOBODY wanted to believe that inter-faith marriage was possible but me.
In fact, at one point I was told that for me, being a buddhist, it was "ok" to live with someone of another faith, but that it would be much more complicated for someone of another faith to mix...
??&^%#??? ... Go figure...
I cannot believe that this still exist in this day an age. What a degenerate time this is... Unbelievable! Aren't all religions suppose to teach tolerance, compassion, love and acceptance? The very basis of spirituality? Sigh... and here we are judging one based on one's religious beliefs...
I understand how one can see the "work" needed or "trouble" that can come into play but surely we can look at the similarities rather than the differences. This is the key in keeping a harmonious union. In fact I believe it can be very beneficial for children with parents of different faiths as they learn more from each parent and the different religions. My father is taoist/atheist and my mother is catholic/christian and for me it was cool as I was able to be exposed to both and not so blinkered!
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I think its not so much the religion but more the person. There are ppl of different religions happily married and there are ppl of the same religion very unhappily married.
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I think its not so much the religion but more the person. There are ppl of different religions happily married and there are ppl of the same religion very unhappily married.
This is so true Shugdentruth... it is the person and not the religion. I can see how theywould "hide" behind that and use it in a delusional angle to make themselves think the incompatibility lies in the religion but in actual fact it lies within oneself!
I think this applies to all facets of our lives where we do tend to "hide" behind something, someone, or an ideal larger than ourselves in the hopes we get some "credibility" from "association". Of course it is in varying degrees and does not apply to all... but it certainly provokes some thought!
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My thoughts - it all depends on the different types of people and how deep their "spirituality" is.
Type 1: I have a religion but I don't practice.
"As long as he/she accepts my faith as I accept his/her faith and not try to convert each other then it's fine". This is the common thinking in most people, it's workable.
Type 2: I have a religion, I practice, I accept.
An inter-religion marriage should not have any issues because the spiritual path teaches one to accept others and their beliefs.
Type 3: I have a religion, I am full-on practicing and I want to be of benefit to others.
Working toward benefitting others is a long term and can be a full of commitment. Can your partner take it? The chances are if one's partner is of the same religion, the person may eventually go towards the same goal. For example, in certain countries, if you marry a Muslim, you will need to convert to become a Muslim. Would you be able to do it if you are a deep dharma practitioner? I personally wouldn't. It's just inconvenient and make things more difficult than it already is.
On the other hand, you can marry or be with someone who believes in the same faith yet the person can bring you away from your practice. The whole point of a relationship is to bring each other up and not to drag each other down. That is the best way to judge one's relationship.
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Personally speaking, I would marry someone that is of another religion, because to me, religion is there to promote harmony, love, respect, kindness, care towards one another. There are many people who are together, of the same religion, who themselves face so many problems in their marriage, and on the other hand, there are many people, who of different religious backgrouds, are together, and still have an enduring marriage.
To me, the subject of focus here is not about the religion, but about the relationship that have been fostered between the two, with an influence from each of their personalities and characteristics. I know of a couple, one is Buddhist, one is Christian, who each have their altars on their side of the beds, and they have a well respected and loving relationship, where they each respect one another and everything that comes with it including their individual religious believes.
If I were to marry, say, a muslim, and had to convert my faith to being a muslim, if my core values learnt whilst being Buddhist is instilled within me, and am able to foster a respectful relationship of loving kindness towards my spouse, wouldn't that be beautiful too? If from my actions, my spouse becomes a better person, then like I say, it is what you uphold, than what you believe in. As long as you know who you are inside, then Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, or Jew, whatever your religion is, you are ultimately practising universal religion, which is compassion, respect, genorisity, kindness, love and peace.
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I think it also depends on the depth of each spiritual practitioner. I know Christians who are just Christian by name and they get along with anyone, and I know other Christians who are quite adamant that their religion is the only religion and therefore nobody else is on the right path and people of other religions are destined to go to hell. My experience is that this is a similar attitude across the Abrahamic monotheistic faiths – Moslems, Christians and Jews. It’s not right or wrong, but the core of their faith. Therefore we cannot blame them for not tolerating other faiths because that is what their faith appears to encourage.
I had a Moslem guy working in my office a few years ago and he was telling me that on judgment day, the Moslems had to kill all infidels, which were all non-Moslems. So I asked him point blank – so you’d kill me? And he earnestly said yes he had to. That was pretttttttty scary. So when there are such differences in idealogy, I do believe it is difficult to have strong interfaith relationships between some people and yes it is very much dependent on the person.
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I had a Moslem guy working in my office a few years ago and he was telling me that on judgment day, the Moslems had to kill all infidels, which were all non-Moslems. So I asked him point blank – so you’d kill me? And he earnestly said yes he had to. That was pretttttttty scary. So when there are such differences in idealogy, I do believe it is difficult to have strong interfaith relationships between some people and yes it is very much dependent on the person.
There is an interesting site about Islam and Buddhism here:
http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/archives/study/islam/general/buddhist_islamic_view.html (http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/archives/study/islam/general/buddhist_islamic_view.html)
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Dear HR,
I know it's scary that we still find it hard to marry and live harmoniously with a person of different faith.
Think about this :
In the beginning , he/she might be attracted to you physically; as your relationship develops he/she might start wanting to "save" you. The tension and friction will inevitably arise if you persistently refused "salvation".
How to reconcile this difference with someone who views you as heathen, destined to burn in hell for eternity ?
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Dear HR,
I know it's scary that we still find it hard to marry and live harmoniously with a person of different faith.
Think about this :
In the beginning , he/she might be attracted to you physically; as your relationship develops he/she might start wanting to "save" you. The tension and friction will inevitably arise if you persistently refused "salvation".
How to reconcile this difference with someone who views you as heathen, destined to burn in hell for eternity ?
Thanks Kurava.
Unfortunately, I never meant to say that an inter-faith couple always works.
And I say: unfortunately.
What I say is that it should work.
Without any dis-respect intended, anyone of any faith that believes that the cause for burning in hell lies in the Buddhist faith or Christian faith or Muslim faith (etc...) has gotten a wrong understanding of what the causes for burning in hell are.
As a Buddhist, we do not consider that being a Christian, or have faith in God brings one to hell.
Not at all, on the contrary, as Buddhists, we can validate the fact that by relying on a God and by practicing the precepts of compassion, forgiveness, kindness, altruism and love one creates the causes to go to "Heaven".
(and I know many Christians, many Hindu and many Muslims that will not agree with the idea that Buddhism brings people to Hell; in fact I don't know any one who thinks like that)
So one practitioner practices compassion, love, altruism, generosity, patience, selflessness, kindness and creates the causes to go to Heaven, and another one does just the same thing and creates the causes to go to a Pure Land.
What's the difference?
How can practicing the same qualities but with a Buddhist framework be causes for hell, when it is causes for Heaven when done with a Christian / Muslim framework?
This is illogical.
And if a Christian thinks that a Buddhist Pure Land is a Christian Hell, I say: ??#@^%$!!?? (*)
Some practitioners have as a practice to convert practitioners of other faiths to their own.
Why? Nobody needs to convert practitioners of any spiritual faiths, it is a waste of time.
The effort of conversion is intended to be directed towards the practitioners of the faith in money, faith in reputation, faith in consumerism, faith in holidays, faith in friends, faith in food, faith in clothing, faith in entertainment, and faiths in any type of object that is un-reliable.
If we care for others that have faith in the un-reliable, then I agree, we should put effort and show them that their faith is directed at an un-reliable object. That is conversion effort well directed.
If within a couple, one has faith and the other is atheist, then conversion is a pretty good idea.
Conversion, not through preaching and scaring tactics, but conversion through example, through practice, through results.
And maybe the Christian partner can, through example, inspire his/her partner to engage onto a Spiritual journey, and it could even be a Spiritual journey of another tradition.
As the Dalai Lama said many times: "it does not matter what religious tradition you come from for as long as you practice it!"
So inter-faith couple may not always work, but the cause for this failure does not stem from the spiritual practice, it stems from close-mindedness and mis-understanding.
That is my view.
(*) translates as "go meditate on that seriously!"
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Marrying someone of the same religion is not necessarily the formula for a success union, nor marrying someone of a different religion a recipe for failure. We see daily all around that marriages and relationships break down for all kinds of reasons not only religion.
With no disrespect to anyone, the world is bursting with "half-past-six" practitioners of all kinds of religion and they can even use the difference in religion as the reason for the collapse of a relationship.
In truth, if a couple belong to different religions but truly understand and embrace the spirituality in each of religion, they can easily find a common ground to worship their respective ways and coexist as a couple. At its CORE, all religions have more in common than they have differences. I stressed the word CORE because at it core, all religions teaches the same i.e. love, kindness, forgiveness and acceptance. It is only when get entangled in the superficialities that things get jammed.
Having said all that, there are combinations of religion pairings that may be easier than others. I see Buddhism as "neutral" and as being able to pair with any religion. Fundamentally Buddhism is not about telling other people that they got the wrong"god" or there is no god.
As a Buddhist, i can accept anyone from any faith even if that person accuses me of worshiping the devil. The things is, I know the truth so why bother getitng unruffled?
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So inter-faith couple may not always work, but the cause for this failure does not stem from the spiritual practice, it stems from close-mindedness and mis-understanding.
I think this one statement says it all really! How we relate to another person/persons is "condensed" into the question posed in this thread. Makes us think and where our very state of mind lies. Do we accept differences or frown upon them? Do we accept similarities or do we discount them? Are we open to perceptions other then our own?
If we cannot even get along on this very fundamental point with the person of whom we are in love with and want to marry, how then can we even contemplate getting along with others? Points to ponder huh!
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it depends on the level of understanding as buddhism is all-embracing loving kindness, benevolence, tolerance because it is no self.
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In Buddhism, marriage is regarded as entirely a personal individual concern and not a religious duty. There is no religious law in Buddhism. So therefore i am open to marriage to different faith. Married couples of different faith have to be tolerant of each other's religion. Religion should not be a barrier for a marriage to last.
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If people use "religion" as a mean to separate whether one should marry another not of the same belief, then very soon, we can all use "religion" to say, you cant sit here, you cant eat here with me, you cant study here, you cant work here.....etc etc
Marriage is about committing to love and care for an individual and not to convert his/her belief. Religion has long been abused to separate people and nations, very contrary to what it is meant to be....to bring people together in peace and harmony.
Like what hoperainbow has mentioned, it would be great if inter-religious marriage is successful as it sets the trend that religions are not meant to separate people, rather it can bring and unite people together. How beautiful!
So my choice....yes I would marry someone of another religion.
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If marriage between religions is going to bring more conflict for our partners, ourselves, our families, our friends. Then there can be issues with marrying a person of another religion. All we are accomplish by doing this is more negative karma derived from our selfish mind to have this one partner, yet we cause so much suffering for others.
Obviously the world is now set up in a way where in some cultures it is okay to marry a person of another religion. In others it is completely forbidden. My point here is that as long as conflict is not going to be an issue, there won't be any arguments derived from it, the why not? After all religion is just a label of spiritual practice, it is a way of upholding sacred teachings, but in effect all religions teach us to be better human beings, so why can't relationships work between two human beings who just want to be better, for themselves and for others?
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I do not see any set back in marrying someone of a different faith. All religions teach us the positive values of life.
In fact I support inter-religious marriages - it teaches you to be tolerant of your spouse's religious faith, you see how in the end it does not matter whether you married someone who is a Buddhist, Jew, Christian or any other faith.
You choose to marry your partner not because he is of the same religion, but because both of you have so much in common : well, if you say that he is of a different religion, so what? At least of both you will be guided on the correct path.
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Yes, I would. There is a lot of people that I know who are married even they are of different faith and some until end of life. All religion teaches us positive values to have tolerance, loving kindness and benevolence.
Having same faith marriage does not mean that everything will go smooth and sailing. Look at the world now. The percentage of separation is increasing. I don’t think this is due to their religion. If is religion that causes that, then one should re access the teaching that was thought. Many times a separation happens is because we have expectation of our partner of how we want them to be. When we don’t get what we want or the result then the problem arises.
So to me even a DS and none DS practitioner can get married if they understand the true value of the teachings. If one can’t accept their partner as they are better not to get married because at the end of the day the person will not be who you want them to be and that is the fact.
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Yes, if both are respect and accept in each other religions then it can be work out.
All religious teach and lead us to become a better but if we use in the wrong way therefore we become narrow mind and not accept other.
I have a friend who father is christian and mother is buddhist but my friend always cheerful and happy as her parents will share and bring her to temple and church always and they let her make a decision when she grow up.. wonderful patents..
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I would not marry someone of a different religion. I may not have an issue with it but it may not be vice versa. Then there is always the issue with family pressure. One can argue that religion is just a label. That it is being spiritual that counts. That love should conquer all. That if you love the other person, then you should respect his/her religion. And the list and arguments goes on and on. Idealistic i call it! Yes there may be isolated cases where spouses are of different religion and they have mutual respect for each other and lived till death did them part! My question: how often does that occur????
Think! If one's husband is a Shugdenpa, and the wife is not, do you not think that it would come in between this couple? And we are talking about the same religion; Buddhism, let alone different religion.
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Yes why not? Before going into marriage I supposed both parties have an understanding of each other's religion before deciding to tie the knot. If both parties have an issues with each other's religion then why start a relationship in the first place?
I believe all religions are about peace and harmony and if both parties practiced what they preached, I don't think it will be an issue to get married, after all maintaining peace, kindness patience, tolerance and harmony are the key ingredients for a healthy marriage.
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I would not marry someone of a different religion. I may not have an issue with it but it may not be vice versa. Then there is always the issue with family pressure. One can argue that religion is just a label. That it is being spiritual that counts. That love should conquer all. That if you love the other person, then you should respect his/her religion. And the list and arguments goes on and on. Idealistic i call it! Yes there may be isolated cases where spouses are of different religion and they have mutual respect for each other and lived till death did them part! My question: how often does that occur????
Think! If one's husband is a Shugdenpa, and the wife is not, do you not think that it would come in between this couple? And we are talking about the same religion; Buddhism, let alone different religion.
There won't be a marriage to begin with if either party cannot agree and tolerate each other's religious preference. Divorce is rising and the main cause is not religious indifference. In general there is lack of respect for each other and many other reasons not just religion that causes the fall out. How many people do you know fall out because of religious indifference? If more people practice what they preached about Buddhism, respect one another and accept one another, i think this religious issues won't be an issue and a lot of other things will not be an issues.
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For me there are 2 answers: No, if you both have your own different religious convictions and do not agree with each other's religious practices. And yes, if either one is religiously liberal and won't impose his or her religious views on their spouse.
Yes we all like to believe that religion should bring people together instead of conflict, but the reality is, most religion is an institutionalised entity where the 'rules and regulations' are man made. Some religion impose conversion before marriage, and if that is not the case, the married couple must at least promise their offsprings be baptised into the religion. Then there are other religions that make it compulsory to attend religious counselling and classes as a criteria to their union as a married couple. And so on and on...
It all comes down to this - unless one party is willing to 'sacrifice' their religious stand and compromise their views, the marriage wouldn't even be possible in the first place.
So despite all the obstacles, the couple would still like to marry because of Love, one party must always give in for the marriage to happen.
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I think as long as both parties truly accepts each other's beliefs and do not impose on each other, an inter-faith marriage could work... Even better if both make effort to understand the other's religion and try to find some common points.
Easier said than done of course, especially if both are staunch in their respective religion. As a Buddhist, I imagine it may be quite hard to live with someone who firmly doesn't believe in future lives and karma, as their perception of and purpose / priorities in life may be different from one who does? Its like one would have a longer term / broader point of view but the other may have only a short term/ narrow point of view in life, and live their lives accordingly on the respective basis.
I agree with Negra, marrying someone who is not in the same religion as your own will not be a problem as a whole as long as both the couple respect each other as every religion tells you to respect others and not harming others. I believe this explains it all. Every people has a freedom to believe what they believe in and should not be limited or forced into believing anything that they don't agree upon. Just like a wife going vegetarian while the husband is not or the husband is a christian while the wife is a Buddhist (just like my friend).
They both don't have problems living together and it is supposed to be this way instead of forcing one into our own set of thinking. In fact by harmonising together, one shows the true way of practising religion and respect and hence the world becomes a more peaceful place to live in. Harmony and peace. This is what we should live for in life. And everyone should not forget.
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In my opinion, it is not a problem in marrying someone of another religions. When two persons were to be together, both has to have mutual understandings, respect and acceptance of own beliefs and faith in the first place. Why should we use religion as the basis for marrying someone? On addition note, why should we discriminate religion, if there is?
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I do not see this is an issue to me " I would marry someone that is another religion"
when i read this post , another interesting question arise:
If you marry someone of a different religion, what is going to be the religion of your kids?
Lettinng kids to decide ?what do you think?
Personally think that parents should teach them both religions shared morals and let kids to decide which religion to follow.
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Aiya Nagaseeker - it is quite obvious those people whose spouses are of different religious are in for trouble! Instead of going to the same church/temple/mosque... They spend time in peruse of different teachings and go to different places of worship, most likely they will end up having argument if religion is being brought up over dinner table... No to mention zillions of things in live that can spark domestic arguments....
Ok if they are able to respect each other's religious, what happens when it comes to upbringing of children? Would the poor kids be torn between two churches (pun intended) ??
Find the same girl/guy in your same temple... This would be my sincere advise to you..
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There are many thoughts and sharings on this with pros and cons to the topic at hand. However have we lost the reason behind why we would even consider marrying someone? Is it really the religious aspects and "convenience" of going to the same church or temple, less hassle in having to explain, approve or in learning something new?
All this points to the selfish mind. Our ego. Our wants. Our insecurities. BUT I thought marrying someone was about two people coming together as ONE. Sharing. Togetherness. Unity.
How strange a simple question can make us all rear our ugly heads. I do not mean any disrespect to any person here but am merely pointing out something I have observed through a simple question posed. We are so afraid of stirring the hornets nest or upsetting the status quo. If so, why are we even want to get married. Because marriage is about a union of two very different lives. And with a union comes the good AND the bad... and that is precisely what makes it interesting to some and completely scary to some. There is no in betweens really! You do it whole heartedly or not at all because it is not about YOU anymore... multiply that in the hundreds or thousands and millions even and we have some incling of compassion! :)
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Why not? First of all, why do we marry that person? For her family? Background? Religious? Money or marry her because of she is who she is?
When we love someone, it should not be restricted to their religious, if it is, then do we really love that person or actually ourselves. We loves ourselves more, that why when they are in different background, religious, career, etc, and we choose not to take a go with them, isn’t this pure selfish?
Moreover religious is something very universal, whether we are Buddhist or Christian, they teach us to respect each other, they teach us to built a better relationship between people and people, so, religious is never a problem, it is human that created it.
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In the first place, if two person of different religion cannot accept and agree with each other religion and also have arguments on whose religions is better then they should not get married to each other. If they agree, then they should be tolerant, accept and respect each others religion. The challenges are there but you marry the person not because of their religion but of who they are irrespective of religion, race or background.
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There was once a young couple one was muslim, one was christian orthodox.
They had no problem being from different religions, but society had, they tried to escape their impossible love and were not given a chance to live.
Watch here:
Sarajevo's Romeo and Juliet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wks0_aRXF4#ws)
More often than not, it is probably the family or the society around us that is resistant to inter-faith mariages.
An I can only find one reason for that: fear and pettiness.
Fear of change.
Pettiness in this sense: thinking that spirituality is about this or that religion when deep down it is only about our thoughts and our actions of speech and mind.
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There was once a young couple one was muslim, one was christian orthodox.
They had no problem being from different religions, but society had, they tried to escape their impossible love and were not given a chance to live.
This is a very sad story indeed!
In a country at war using religion as a cause of discrimination and a reason for war, there is this couple symbolizing harmony, symbolizing peace, symbolizing tolerance, symbolizing love.
More insight on Sarajevo and Yugoslavia here:
Romeo and Juliet in Sarajevo (part 1) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl5uww_qDAs#)
It shows a country that goes from times of harmony between the different religions to times of war between them. Just like a cycle. I believe every country goes through this morphing be it from the angle of religion, politics, socio-economic or merely racial.
In this cycle, I can only imagine that inter-faith couples, inter-faith families are a cement for peace, they are a cause for peace simply because they make NECESSARY the dialogue, the understanding, the sharing - it is the quintessential UNITY!
IN THE SAME HOUSE live people of different faith that MUST LIVE TOGETHER. And thus the peace starts in the very homes of the people, and I think that is the best way to have peace.
So I wish we have more inter-faith marriages, more understanding, more harmony, and peace.
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I guessed having a family is just like a country but in much smaller scale. Whereby we need to have an understanding and respect among each other. To marry someone that is another religion is possible if both parties do have the basic quality which mentioned earlier. As a couple we need to put everything aside and solely based on the feeling of love and respecting each other.
So even if both of you believed in the same religion but yet doesn't live in harmony, it is pointless to be together even if we claimed to be in this or that religion. And i truly believed the biggest challenge is not about the differences among the religions but it is on how do we all to have compassion, tolerance, harmony and love each other. These are the similar qualities whereby all the different religions have in common and practices, i think...
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In my opinion, it doesnt matter if my partner is of another faith, as long as i am allowed to practice the religion of my choice, that is of course, Buddhism. I will not try to convert her either but i will always share my thoughts on buddhism and the dharma with her. I will practice well and dedicate my merits to her as well.
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It is amazing that this post has garnered so much views... makes me wonder why? This is an issue that is very close to most people I should think and is still a sore point at best.
It is bizarre to think that in the 21st century we still have to deal with such bias and disharmony. What happened to the unity of two souls? Perhaps that was always a dream that society has been trying to implement as part of conforming?
I guess my point is as always, why should we still be asking such a question in this day an age! We sure are living in a deluded state in this degenerate times. Thank Buddha for Dorje Shugden or we will all be like lemmings following each other off the cliff!!!!
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I am not too sure...
I think it all depends on the partner. He/She should definitely be supportive and respectful to each others religious beliefs. I have seen many who married but have different faiths but they respect and love each other's faith and there is no conflict. That would be the ultimate partner and marriage that is beautiful and harmonious just like if you put Cherezig and Mother Marry together... don't worry love, they are not gonna fight for territory.
But if the partner is totally unsupportive or disrespectful, then it is a total NO no of course. So chosing a partner for life, is like choosing someone who has mutual values, agreements and love for each other despite what their religion is.
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I am not too sure...
I think it all depends on the partner. He/She should definitely be supportive and respectful to each others religious beliefs. I have seen many who married but have different faiths but they respect and love each other's faith and there is no conflict. That would be the ultimate partner and marriage that is beautiful and harmonious just like if you put Cherezig and Mother Marry together... don't worry love, they are not gonna fight for territory.
But if the partner is totally unsupportive or disrespectful, then it is a total NO no of course. So chosing a partner for life, is like choosing someone who has mutual values, agreements and love for each other despite what their religion is.
Exactly... It should not be dependent on the person's religion or religious beliefs but rather the person in general. Hence the criteria to marry someone or not should not be based on that alone. There are a whole lot more to the person than just his or her religious beliefs. However, having said that, a person's spiritual/religious inclinations does play a major role in the formation of their opinions I think.
Therefore, to conclude, I would say, to decide on whether to marry someone of another religion is a very broad question and should not be the only basis one makes one's decision to share a life with another. It may play a large role but is NOT the ONLY role! :)
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I have not gotten married yet so I would not know the full extent on how marrying people of other people can cause any trouble. I believe that as long as both families are okay with their son or daughter marrying a person who is of a different religion and their country permits as there are some countries that forbid the marriage of different people of different religions. Also, there many moments in life when you will discover that even just having friends who do not wish to accept your logic of karma and all will be very difficult. In conclusion, I still believe that religion should never be a barrier between love.
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I have not gotten married yet so I would not know the full extent on how marrying people of other people can cause any trouble. I believe that as long as both families are okay with their son or daughter marrying a person who is of a different religion and their country permits as there are some countries that forbid the marriage of different people of different religions. Also, there many moments in life when you will discover that even just having friends who do not wish to accept your logic of karma and all will be very difficult. In conclusion, I still believe that religion should never be a barrier between love.
I like what you said, love should know no barrier indeed, for what is love if it is conditional, what is love if it is given with expectation, what is love if it is not pure? What is love if it cannot bear difficulties?
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I voted no, however this isn't a simple question to answer.
1. DEGREE OF IMPACT
There are those whose religion isn't such a big part of their life: "You're a Christian and I'm a Buddhist by birth, but they're merely just labels."
Then there are those whose religious inclinations are lopsided: "You're an atheist and I'm a Dharma student of this Guru"... and then there are situations where both parties are active practitioners of their respective religions.
Which couple are you?
2. DIFFERENCES IN PERSPECTIVE
We all like to believe that it should be OK to marry someone of a different faith because it shouldn't make a difference, but in reality it does make a difference.
Our religion (if any) does to some extent define our moral and principals, it influences what we perceive as right and wrong. Yes, all religions fundamentally teaches us the same good values, but how it's taught and the human contamination to the teachings creates those differences.
So in the long-run there will be differences in opinions, e.g. how to raise your children. Differences in opinion creates rifts and friction.
3. TRUE LOVE
Family pressures brings about the greatest challenge to most. All parents (and grandparents) have set views on how family life should be, and what sort of a person their son/daughter should marry. How far their children deviate from that, directly correlates to the amount of distress they go through.
At a younger age, I contemplated dating a Muslim man. However, knowing it would cause his parents unhappiness (although they wouldn't show it), I decided against it.
Many people believe that true love pervades all, I don't believe that true love breaks families apart. There are other ways of loving people without having to get married.
We can't make 10 people unhappy, because we ourselves want to be happy believing that "I deserve to be happy with him/her".
4. SACRIFICE
I know someone who has married his significant other of a different faith, and due to their marriage they have cut off their entire world. The only people in their world are the both of them, and her father. They work, live, pray together. They chose this because of love.
This may be an "Aw, how sweet" moment for some, but the stress it causes them leads them to argue. It's a pretty story if we don't hear the details!
We all like to hear happy stories of happy marriages, couples of different religions supporting each other etc. However, in reality we should never be airy-fairy-cheerleaders towards friends thinking about marrying someone of a different faith.
To sum it, I echo what dsiluvu says, you have to "choose someone who has mutual values, agreements and love for each other despite what their religion is."
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I think having partner from different religion would only work if there is healthy respect for each other’s beliefs. If you try to get the person to convert if he or she is not prepared to do so, that will only spell trouble. Of course, you may think you are doing your partner good by getting him or her to believe in the “right” religion but what is right for you may not necessarily be right for another.
I don’t see any problem for a couple with different religion, it is just like a couple working in different job, will they insist of marrying someone from the same company / department? For me, it doesn’t seem to make much of sense.
I was surfing the internet and trying to find out what people think of marriage the one from different religion, this is one of the beautiful comment I found
I have seen and heard of inter-faith marriages that work wonderfully and I have also come across relationships that falter just prior to marriage because of different beliefs. For instance, my dad has an old friend who married a woman of a different faith. Every morning, he would light up joss sticks at the home altar as a Buddhist while on Sundays, his wife would make her way to the church being a Christian. They have been doing this for decades and it doesn’t seem to pose a problem that they believe in different gods.
And yes, of course if the couple are not supportive to each other, whether you are in different religion or not, it makes no difference already, because even they are in the same religion, they will still have problem, this is very much depends on how the 2 person accommodate with each other.
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Exactly... It should not be dependent on the person's religion or religious beliefs but rather the person in general. Hence the criteria to marry someone or not should not be based on that alone. There are a whole lot more to the person than just his or her religious beliefs. However, having said that, a person's spiritual/religious inclinations does play a major role in the formation of their opinions I think.
Therefore, to conclude, I would say, to decide on whether to marry someone of another religion is a very broad question and should not be the only basis one makes one's decision to share a life with another. It may play a large role but is NOT the ONLY role! :)
I would like to add on here that any interfaith marriages to be successful would very much depends on how both parties' mutual understanding and their workings on how they would want in not encroaching into each other's space and belief. They are such marriages that I have known were still successful till todate.
If any marriages require both partners to embrace the same religion whichever they select (well obviously, it will naturally follows the husband's faith) - wouldn't this denies the basic individual human rights?
http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma7/marriedlife.html (http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma7/marriedlife.html)
A Happy Married Life - A Buddhist View
By Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda
Individual Rights
One of the causes of greatest concern among those who do not belong to the non-Semitic religions is the problem of conversion before marriage. While Buddhists and Hindus never demand that a couple must belong to the same religion before a marriage can be solemnized, many others tend to take advantage of this tolerance. Marriage, contrary to what many romantic novels say, does not mean the total and absolute merging of two people to the extent that each loses his or her own identity. When a religion demands that both partners must have the same religious label, it denies the basic human right of an individual to believe what he or she wants.
Societies throughout history have proved that "Unity in Diversity" is not only possible but desirable. Out of diversity comes greater respect and understanding. This should apply to marriage also. There are many living examples all over the world where the husband and wife maintain their own beliefs and yet are able to maintain their happy married life without confronting each other.
Buddhists do not oppose the existence of other religions even within the same household. Unfortunately this generous attitude has been exploited by unscrupulous religionists who are out to gain converts by all means.
Intelligent Buddhists must be aware of this stratagem. No self- respecting intelligent human being who really understands what he believes according to his own conviction should give up his beliefs merely to satisfy the man-made demands of another religion. Buddhists do not demand that their partners embrace Buddhism. Neither should they surrender their own beliefs.
Marriage is a partnership of two individuals and this partnership is enriched and enhanced when it allows the personalities involved to grow. Many marriages fail because one partner tries to "swallow" another or when one demands total freedom. According to Buddhism, marriage means understanding and respecting each other's belief and privacy. A successful marriage is always a two-way path: "humpy, bumpy" -- it is difficult but it is always a mutual path.
Young people in this country and elsewhere sometimes think that "old fashioned ideas" are not relevant to modern society. They should be reminded that there are some eternal truths, which can never become out-of-date. What was true during the time of Buddha still remains true today.
The so-called modern ideas we receive through the highly glamorous television programs do not represent the way most decent people in the west think or behave. There is a vast "silent majority" of decent couples who are as deeply religious and "conservative" about marriage as any Eastern couple. They do not behave in the manner that the mass media has portrayed them. Not all the people in the west run off to get a divorce or abortion after their first quarrel or dispute.
Decent people all over the world are the same; they are unselfish and care deeply about those whom they love. They make enormous sacrifices and develop love and understanding to ensure happy and stable marriages. So, if you want to ape the west ape the "silent majority": they are no different from your decent neighbor who lives next door to you.
Young people must also listen to their elders because their own understanding about married life is not mature. They should not make hasty conclusions regarding, marriages and divorces. They must have a lot of patience, tolerance and mutual understanding. Otherwise, their life can become very miserable and problematic. Patience, tolerance and understanding are important disciplines to be observed and practiced by all people in marriage.
A feeling of security and contentment comes from mutual understanding, which is the secret of a happy married life.
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Now we know that over 65% of the voters here do believe that it is possible to have inter-faith marriage.
But now, do you think it is possible to have a marriage with one of the two spouses that has a faith and the other that does not have faith.
So the question switches from 2 people that have different faiths to a couple between an atheist and a believer. Can it work?
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Personally, if i got a choice....i wouldnt because ive seen many live examples of couples hving problems due to religion after they got married to each other. Before marriage, they agreed to respect each other religion but things change after theybare married to one another and living under same roof. If half the time are spent in dealing with relationship issue, i guess i would rather use it on spirituality.