dorjeshugden.com
General Buddhism => General Buddhism => Topic started by: Big Uncle on August 17, 2011, 08:56:23 AM
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
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Perhaps we can use a different approach with people who seem to have it all now :-
Tell them they must have done a lot of virtues previously that now they are experiencing all the good things in life. Encourage them to do more so that in the future they may continue with the good life. Good things in life are like interests from Fixed Deposits. If we don't top up the principal, when interests all used up and original deposit gone - we'll end up owing to the bank with huge loan interests to service !
We can then bring in karma at this point.
From my personal experience people who enjoy the good life now are quite fearful of losing it . Instead of convincing them that Life is suffering, encourage them to "safe guard" their good life. ;)
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In these days of affluence and science most people are swept away by what money can buy , and what technology can do to improve one's situation. It may be more appropriate to restate the term suffering as unsatisfactoriness. While we may not relate our life as a suffering one, we cannot deny that we all wish for it to be better or improved. We cannot deny there are many things we wished for but did not get. Our problems keep recurring no matter what we do. It makes no difference whether one has everything or nothing much in life.
It is easier for people to acknowledge that despite worldly achievements, they still do not have complete control over their bodies, others, relationships , life's situations , environment etc. This frustration, is an unpleasant feeling we don't want . It is subtle compared to gross suffering . Nevertheless we can experience it as an irritation or unsatisfactory feeling which disturbs our full enjoyment of life.
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Before I involve in dharma activities, I considered my life is suffering because:
1) I am not rich enough to fulfill all my worldly needs
2) No holidays
3) No time for family
4) My partner not rich enough to provide me luxury life
5) Like to compare life with others
Look back, all the above make my life suffers because ALWAYS NOT ENOUGH AND WANTING MORE.....
Nowadays, I will use my own experiences to explain to my friends that life is suffering, even though now i still not a rich person but my mind very sure that I definitely a happier person with dharma practice.
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A (Rich and successful non Buddhist): How is it that you spend so much time in pursuit of Buddhism that until now it did not make you rich and successful?
B (Middle income Buddhist practitioner): It is true that I am not financially well off and successful as you are but I am spiritually happy.
A: How can you be happy when you do not have more money? I worked very hard to climb the corporate ladder and with that I got position and a higher pay check. Now, after 20 years I have everything I want. I have a loving wife and three beautiful children and I give them what money can buy. That is happiness.
B: Having more money is good and if I have more I would help others and not just only for me and my family. I do my best to provide for my family, that is my responsibility as a husband and father, but I cannot buy them real happiness. I find real happiness is not just about material things I can buy but I get real satisfaction of joy when I see someone whom I have helped shed tears of joy. I do not just mean helping others financially but it could be there for a friend who is depressed, listening to his woes and giving words of comfort and advice. Or feeding a hungry stray dog on the street and seeing it wagging its tail as it wolfs down the food.
You have worked and toiled for 20 years and you deserved what you have. But you were not born rich. You struggled financially for years and were a slave to the banks. I too was the same as you but now I focus more on helping and serving others.
Buying and having branded labels are just happiness I felt for a short while. Now I rather use the money to buy essential non branded labels and using the balance money not only for me and my family but for others too. This way, should I die tonight I would die knowing that I have done my best for not only my family but for others.
A: I do my bit for charity too. Recently I donated $50 to a half-way house for single mothers.
B: That is good! Please do more, I am sure with what you have you could afford to give more to charity. Give also your time, take your family along. It is good for your children to see the less unfortunate.
Giving is good, giving is generosity. The more you give, the more it will help you to be less selfish and miserly.
Practice morality so that your children may learn from you.
Be more patient to your family and co-workers. They will see the changes in you.
Always be zealous and put in your best effort in your work and family life. Your colleagues and family will appreciate it more.
Be firm in your mind, with objectives and decisions. When you make bad decisions, learn from them and move on.
Then when you get older, you would be more experienced and wiser and would gain more respect and love from your colleagues and family members. And also you could give some words of wisdom to the younger ones.
A: What you just said sounds logical. Is that what Buddhism teaches?
B: Buddhism teaches me how to be a better person and changes my mind to be more positive. But that depends on me whether I want to change or not. I have to put what I learned into practice.
As humans we go through many stages of suffering since birth, physically, emotionally and mentally. Buddhism not only acknowledges this but gives the methods to counter it.
A: Where do you go for classes on Buddhism?
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The rich and the beautiful and the famous don't recognize that they are suffering from the pervasive suffering of 'unsatisfactoriness'.
THey endlessly chase after objects of desire thinking that each of these objects would give them the happiness they seek.But nothing gives them lasting happiness and each new object soon becomes 'an old lamp' and dissatisfaction sets in again.At this stage,it is still hard for them to accept the fact that they are suffering; they are so mired in the myriad distractions of this life
THen, one day the bubble to their dream-like existence bursts. THey learn, to their utter shock and bewilderment, that they have an incurable disease. THey have not long to live. THey are in fact moving inexorably towards death and the end of this life. THey desperately seek cures which they think their money can buy.They cannot accept that they are dying .Tremendous suffering, especially mental suffering, now sets in. All the fears and delusions rise to the surface and are magnified. However, it is too late to learn the Dharma and practice it in order to free them from suffering.
It will be good if we can use the skillful means that Kurava has suggested on our friends, if they are receptive to them.Perhaps they can then create enough merits to help them come into Dharma at an earlier more helpful stage. However, the web, that deceptive pleasures and distractions of this life weaves around us, binds us so strongly that we find it difficult(almost impossible) to get out.
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
We have very strong attachment to samsara. And due to this we have no desire to attain liberation. To overcome this attachment it is necessary to see clearly how every aspect of samsara is the nature of suffering. When we meditate extensively on the 6 general sufferings, 7 specific sufferings and 3 types of sufferings below, we will be able to realise why life is suffering. With this realisation, we can then abandon our attachment and attain liberation from samsara.
The 6 General Sufferings:
- Uncertainty
- Having no satisfaction
- Having to leave our body over and over again
- Having to take rebirth over and over again
- Having to lose status over and over again
- Having no companionship
The 7 Specific Sufferings:
- Birth
- Ageing
- Sickness
- Death
- Having to part with what we like
- Having to encounter what we do not like
- Failing to satisfy our desires
The 3 sufferings:
- Suffering of manifest pain
- Changing Suffering
- Pervasive Suffering
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
Dear Big Uncle, I guess you just have to wait for the right moment to share and explain Buddhism to them. If they are your friends and if you spend enough time with them, very likely in time they will share more of their experiences with you, good and bad and based on your what they tell you, you can subtly lace Dharma in your responses to them. For such people, it's better not to overtly "Dharma talk" them as it can put them off and make them have a bad impression of Buddhism. In time, when they understand more and ask for more explanation, then more can be explained to them.
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Thank you guys for all the amazing explanations you gave here. I think the pervasive answer seem to be about skillfulness and explaining things in terms of unsatisfactoriness of life. I did think about that but the various explanations do explain it very well and in perspectives I never thought about. I do agree that the rich have two persistent 'sufferings' in relations to unsatisfactoriness.
One is that they are easily bored and looking for some sort of excitement or distraction because they have everything in life. The second thing is that they are worried about their wealth and how long they can keep it so many rich people tend to be very wary of people (I don't blame them because many people hover around them hoping to get something from them) and they also tend to hoard their wealth. Perhaps these are two that I can use as examples in how spirituality and specifically the Dharma can help them.
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i think people know that life is suffering as they can see from people surround them and problem in society, unfortunately they have everything in order and never experience those suffering.
To make them realize that life is suffering, one of the way you can take them to participate in activities to help people who need help and moral support ie poor people, orphanage, people who been abandon or handicap people.
This might bring them emotion and think about other instead only think about themself only..
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Let's see the level of sufferings. To us might be health problems, financial issues, relationships, depression, then what about those who are born deformed, with illness, ugly, without education, without parents, who are homeless, those who don't have friends. Aren't they all consider suffering?
Those "bold and the beautiful" had their hangs up too? Afraid of losing what they already have, that beautiful Porche, that Rolex watch, that beautiful wife, her amazing body, that little spoiled brat and friends who hang around for benefits... aren't they all suffering?
I am not saying that there is no happiness in Buddhism but from what I understand is that you can still have what you already have and be satisfied and happy about it and yet add a subject of spiritualism to enrich your life. I guess by understanding more in life, we can actually take control of our own happiness.
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
Dear Big Uncle, I guess you just have to wait for the right moment to share and explain Buddhism to them. If they are your friends and if you spend enough time with them, very likely in time they will share more of their experiences with you, good and bad and based on your what they tell you, you can subtly lace Dharma in your responses to them. For such people, it's better not to overtly "Dharma talk" them as it can put them off and make them have a bad impression of Buddhism. In time, when they understand more and ask for more explanation, then more can be explained to them.
I agree. There's no point giving our friends dharma talks and telling them about Dorje Shugden in hopes that they'll be convinced to do the practice. When life's good, there's no urgency and or need to look into spiritual growth. In the meantime, just be friends and get to know each other better. When your friends have some problems with their relationships, career and so on, talk to them without using Buddhist jargons. Only when they ask for help, do you introduce them to Dorje Shugden's practice.
Religion is always a sensitive issue and is very personal. If we are too gung ho, we'll scare away our friends. The best way to influence our friends to do the practice is to transform ourselves in ways that will inspire them.
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Yup Klein agree with you totally on that and have experienced it with family and friends before. In the beginning we start out all passionate like we have the answer to all our lives problems. Maybe you have had a realisation or two but these do not cover nor help dispel our karma which we still have with the people close to us.
They won't listen unless they see adequate change in the perceptions they hold of us. Having said that if we don't share skillfully then they miss out on an opportunity to even see the image of Buddha Dorje Shugden. I mean, just to make that appraisal without even trying is not Dharma. I would suspect it would be negative karma if we were holding vows to stop ourselves sharing dharma with others.
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I agree. There's no point giving our friends dharma talks and telling them about Dorje Shugden in hopes that they'll be convinced to do the practice. When life's good, there's no urgency and or need to look into spiritual growth. In the meantime, just be friends and get to know each other better. When your friends have some problems with their relationships, career and so on, talk to them without using Buddhist jargons. Only when they ask for help, do you introduce them to Dorje Shugden's practice.
Religion is always a sensitive issue and is very personal. If we are too gung ho, we'll scare away our friends. The best way to influence our friends to do the practice is to transform ourselves in ways that will inspire them.
Hi Klein,
I agree and disagree with what you have mentioned.
When we tirelessly share and introduce Dharma and Shugden to them, whether they practice or not, the seed in planted, some blessing has went into their mind stream for the right time to be ripen. So there IS a point to introduce to them, but we should be skillful in introducing and not pushing them too much if they did not accept at the first place, but we have to always be ready for them when they need help even they rejected us when we introduced to them. We should not feel bad if we are rejected too.
If we don't, we took away the chance for them to get connected with Dharma. But if they have other religion belief then it is another story.
I do agree with you that the more effective way to spread the Dharma is we ourselves practice and inspire them and when we talk it will be more convincing.
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
They can have everything they want, but if one's still feel disappointment, angry, jealous, sad, worry or unhappy even that's only 1 time in their life, it's proven they are still suffering in this world. If all the worldly value such as wealth, relationship, health, or appearance can bring real happiness, they should not have any other emotion but only happiness after they owned all these ; they should only feel happy and no worries at all in their life, since they have everything. But if they still experiencing emotion up and down, no matter what they have from the outside, they are still suffering inside. All the worldly value can brings happiness but it's very short term. Since it's short term, which means they need to spent a lot of time to "replenish" it, which will bring suffering again.
This is my thought, what do you think ?
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I agree. There's no point giving our friends dharma talks and telling them about Dorje Shugden in hopes that they'll be convinced to do the practice. When life's good, there's no urgency and or need to look into spiritual growth. In the meantime, just be friends and get to know each other better. When your friends have some problems with their relationships, career and so on, talk to them without using Buddhist jargons. Only when they ask for help, do you introduce them to Dorje Shugden's practice.
Religion is always a sensitive issue and is very personal. If we are too gung ho, we'll scare away our friends. The best way to influence our friends to do the practice is to transform ourselves in ways that will inspire them.
Hi Klein,
I agree and disagree with what you have mentioned.
When we tirelessly share and introduce Dharma and Shugden to them, whether they practice or not, the seed in planted, some blessing has went into their mind stream for the right time to be ripen. So there IS a point to introduce to them, but we should be skillful in introducing and not pushing them too much if they did not accept at the first place, but we have to always be ready for them when they need help even they rejected us when we introduced to them. We should not feel bad if we are rejected too.
If we don't, we took away the chance for them to get connected with Dharma. But if they have other religion belief then it is another story.
I do agree with you that the more effective way to spread the Dharma is we ourselves practice and inspire them and when we talk it will be more convincing.
Yeap, the best "convincing machine" is ourselves. When we are good people practicing what Budhhism embodies - compassion - people will be attracted to us as a person. When people like what they see, they will ask "Where can I get some of that?" - then you have ample open mindedness to share, not dictate and preach please.
I also agree that we cannot always wait for the right time. There is none. Skillful methods of delivery is important. The biggest skill is Sincerity and this comes from within. It is important to always "Walk the Talk". Keep sharing yourself with others and show them your virtues. Embody your practice in your Body, Speech and Mind.
By being a better person you are spreading Dharma and benefiting others.
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They can have everything they want, but if one's still feel disappointment, angry, jealous, sad, worry or unhappy even that's only 1 time in their life, it's proven they are still suffering in this world. If all the worldly value such as wealth, relationship, health, or appearance can bring real happiness, they should not have any other emotion but only happiness after they owned all these ; they should only feel happy and no worries at all in their life, since they have everything. But if they still experiencing emotion up and down, no matter what they have from the outside, they are still suffering inside. All the worldly value can brings happiness but it's very short term. Since it's short term, which means they need to spent a lot of time to "replenish" it, which will bring suffering again.
This is my thought, what do you think ?
[/quote]Totally agree. Those things that they have are all worldly desires....good food, good life, big houses, big cars, good relationships, good looks/appearances....all these will eventually fade away. Yet they worked so hard and chased after these things and feel happy about it then later they will feel unsatisfied and want more and they had to work even harder to acquire more. It is like a thirsty man drinking salt water, the more he drinks the thirstier he gets. Attachment and the fear of losing one's possession is suffering. Externally they may look rich but internally they are spiritually deprived. It is very difficult to convince this category of people into dharma, so the only way to help them is to transform our self so that it will inspire them and to use skilful methods to guide them and plant the dharma seeds into their mind so that when the time is right it will ripen. When they are down, be there for them and take the opportunity to skilfully impart some dharma to them.
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
You can ask them to watch CNN full time for a couple of weeks, with a mind of empathy and compassion, thinking strongly that they could be the very people they see on TV, stuck in painful situations, buried in a land slide, in flood, in war, in despair, in medical agony, broke and homeless, prisoners, raped, abused, injured, kidnapped, lonely, hungry, disabled, tortured, abandoned, orphaned, sick, dying, .... the list is endless.
You want to learn what the entry level of suffering is, watch the best "suffering show" on TV: CNN (or any other news channel for that matter), and stop thinking that what you see does not apply to you!
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U can't stop eating can you. U are plagued by hunger everyday.
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U can't stop eating can you. U are plagued by hunger everyday.
Dharma Space, that is true indeed.
Though, most people I know (and with which I share a similar karma when it comes to that), see hunger as something pleasant, because it means a nice lunch ahead.
So hunger is not experienced as a suffering but as a foundation for something pleasurable to be experienced with good friends in a nice restaurant around a tasty meal and a bottle of wine.
When we have the karma for that, it is very hard to understand hunger as "suffering."
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What we have in life is basicly suffering that we have self created. Life is a suffering if we don’t used wit good motivation
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I am going to say something terrible but mean it...
Noone can stay happy throughout their entire life on Earth. It's the nature of samsara, right?
Their wealth will deplete, their health will decline, unexpected things may happen to them... I'm not cursing, these are all just possibilities.
So without forcing impermanence, death etc down their throats.... you know they won't listen when times are good, so be there will things are grim.
ie be their friend and confidante when all is great and successful and when things fall, you're there to pick them up!
Otherwise how to explain suffering when they sleep on 750TC sheets!
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
The thing is... are they truly happy? On the surface they seem so or they project that they are and sometimes WE do the same. Having all that and more does not make us happy as we know. In fact sometimes "having it all" may be the worse curse of all!
The reason why they equate Buddhism to "suffering" if because they misunderstand renouncement and because they have the constant fear of "losing" what they have (looks, loved ones, money, career, friends etc), they continue to push themselves to hold on to what they ultimately know is not theirs to keep in the first place. Death is the only absolute!
If they are truly honest with themselves they would recognise this fact. And once they do, the beauty of "having it all" is that it gives us the tools to be able to do more than most and hence propel us further on our spiritual journey should we want it.
I personally find the best way to change their perception of Buddhism is through your own example. When your friends see how you have changed for the better and you are not a hermit living in a cave, that would be THE best "sales kit"! So my advice to you is to not change them but change yourself for the better and lead by example! :)
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Thank you guys for all the amazing explanations you gave here. I think the pervasive answer seem to be about skillfulness and explaining things in terms of unsatisfactoriness of life. I did think about that but the various explanations do explain it very well and in perspectives I never thought about. I do agree that the rich have two persistent 'sufferings' in relations to unsatisfactoriness.
One is that they are easily bored and looking for some sort of excitement or distraction because they have everything in life. The second thing is that they are worried about their wealth and how long they can keep it so many rich people tend to be very wary of people (I don't blame them because many people hover around them hoping to get something from them) and they also tend to hoard their wealth. Perhaps these are two that I can use as examples in how spirituality and specifically the Dharma can help them.
BU, you got it right! I have never known anyone rich who are truly happy. Everyone regardless of wealth have some suffering or unsatisfactoriness in their lives. The rich are qualified to tell us that money cannot buy you happiness. It is definitely true and pervasive.
My point is that we need to be close to them (because of their fear and paranoia) and explain only as solution to their problems. We do not challenge them by saying their wealth can not buy happiness because they can get defensive. Of course, if you can wealthy as well, it will be easier.
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
Big Uncle,
Your friend is a human being in samsara - I am sure he or she has something in life that is not totally to his or her satisfaction... be it their cars not as fast as someone else's, their houses doesnt have gold plated roof, their helipad not big enough, etc etc.. this is where you can point to them their 'sufferings'
Samsaric world does not have 100% happiness, hence everyone in this realm is suffering in one way or another. For example, I could complain that the broadband speed in my area is too slow while there are many people in the other parts of the world who has not heard of the word 'computer'...
As long as we could point out our friends' 'sufferings' we could show them dharma.
I wish you best of luck in bringing dharma to your richmen friends.
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I like Kurava's explanation. For some of the cases i have come across, by telling them merits and karma don't work at all, do not even think of telling them dharma. These high society people are to comfortable with their good life where they never realize the real purpose of life.
People nowadays seem to measure their sense of self from what they own and their social status. The disproportionate wealth in this society has caused the rich upper class people degenerate even faster in terms of their mind and of course action. Delusions and ignorance may be part of the causes of why people think that they are suffering in life.
How many rich people in this world can do like Steve jobs? The hard life in his earlier life had caused his success in his later life, though living a top-notch life, he did not behave like a notorious tycoon. I guess he was happy until his last breath. His contribution to the world is legendary.
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Well, I feel Dharma is convincing enough. Generally speaking, it is very apparent to everyone and I guess it is not that hard to introduce Buddhism to people around. Most shares Buddhism as logics in life. I was convinced by its logic for example.
In explaining it, we do it on the lowest or slightest level ever on what is Buddhism. It doesn't work if we push it too much or we ourselves do not give a good reflection on Buddhism to our "target".
In the end of the day, we look at the person whether he has the merits to be able to meet Dharma or not.
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There is no way to explain that life is suffering to a being that has no experience of pain, nor loss, nor anxiety, nor stress... Someone who has a God's like life cannot relate to suffering directly. They may understand that "others" do suffer, but that remains an intellectual understanding.
In our existence as sentient beings we find ourselves in either of these situations:
situation 1: we are in the middle of a catastrophy.
situation 2: we are in between two catastrophies.
It is to say that situation 1 is infinitely longer than situation 2.
And also, we should note that most of us are comfortably engrossed in situation 2, and we take it for granted, we think it will last. We are not thinking that it will last like we were complete idiots, no, we know it won't last, but everyday we live we sincerely believe that it won't stop today, and that is how we delude ourselves in thinking that it'll last forever, by thinking at every moment that it will last to the next moment, to the next day.
So it is very difficult to realise our own suffering if we do not experience the plain and direct suffering of pain. We cannot see the suffering of change very well, because we do not recognize change, and we can hardly grasp at the idea of the pervasive suffering.
Yet there is one direct way to make us realize suffering is to get the clear reality that there is no difference between "me" and the "others". If the others suffer, i suffer, even if i am on cloud 9.
Call that compassion.
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What is the cause of our sufferings?Why are we here?Why are we not happy with our lives?How can we end the unsatisfactoriness and experience eternal peace?These are the main causes of sufferings.Buddha's teaching is based on the four noble truth.To realise and penetrate into the true nature of existence and full knowledge of oneself .When we recognise that all phenomenal things are transitory,are subject to suffering,
void of any essential reality,we will be convinced that time and enduring happiness must be sought only through mental purity and the cultivation of wisdom.
If one is in Dharma ,he will relate to Buddha's teaching on the Four Noble Truth better than those who are not.
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Perhaps we can use a different approach with people who seem to have it all now :-
Tell them they must have done a lot of virtues previously that now they are experiencing all the good things in life. Encourage them to do more so that in the future they may continue with the good life. Good things in life are like interests from Fixed Deposits. If we don't top up the principal, when interests all used up and original deposit gone - we'll end up owing to the bank with huge loan interests to service !
We can then bring in karma at this point.
From my personal experience people who enjoy the good life now are quite fearful of losing it . Instead of convincing them that Life is suffering, encourage them to "safe guard" their good life. ;)
What if they don't believe in karma or reincarnation?
If they don't believe in karma and reincarnation, it will be very difficult to convince them this way already. The minimum is they need to believe in karma even if they dont understand it completely. However, if Big Uncle is saying that his friends is saying that Buddhism is suffering, I guess it means they have the wrong views about Buddhism already.
Does having good things in life is truly because people have done many virtuous deeds their previous lives? It might be misleading because it may not be true. Having a good life of wealth, relationships and other stuff which allows you to engage in more negative actions can be the result of negative actions in the past. Definitely having all these can be due to positive karma gained from virtuous deeds as well. It all depends on what they do with it.
What if they hear different things from other people? It will confuse them. Perhaps explaining anything to people with no interest in Buddhism about suffering is difficult at the point when their life is good. Perhaps wait till it's bad? Haha. People turn to religion when things goes sour don't they?
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I am going to say something terrible but mean it...
Noone can stay happy throughout their entire life on Earth. It's the nature of samsara, right?
Their wealth will deplete, their health will decline, unexpected things may happen to them... I'm not cursing, these are all just possibilities.
So without forcing impermanence, death etc down their throats.... you know they won't listen when times are good, so be there will things are grim.
ie be their friend and confidante when all is great and successful and when things fall, you're there to pick them up!
Otherwise how to explain suffering when they sleep on 750TC sheets!
Dear Jessica,
There is such a thing as 750TC sheets?? Just joking! I have only experienced 500TC!
Yes, I agree with you that be their friend and confidante when all is great and successful and when things fall, you're there to pick them up! I have experienced many who turn around and say "I am doing fine. Everything is well and happy for me. I am comfortable. Why should I add more things and complications to my life?"
You can only give examples of impermanence to them using real life cases (which you think they can relate to such as downfall of some businessmen, sudden death of actors, aging,etc). They may understand but unlikely to comprehend the nature of suffering. It is really sad and scary at the same time for them. My solution: be there when they need you. Meanwhile, pray that they are well and happy for this is their level for now.
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Needs no explanation. We just have to check our lives daily to see if we are really happy. If one day we are and one day we are not then we are definitely suffering. Even if one minute we are happy and the other minute we are not, we are still suffering. Why? If life is not suffering then we should be happy always right?
Another way to check is how we live our lives. Do we live for ourselves or for others? We suffer because of our attachments, desire, etc but when we live for other we let go of all of those. So are you suffering?
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Dear Big Uncle,
I've came across these situation many times. I do face difficulty sometimes But I do find some ways are useful. I'm sure as a friend they share thier happy and unhappy moments with you. What I do is I listen carefully to them and I give dharma advice in between our conversation that is relevant to the subject and never put Bhuddism upfront rather I blend the situation with Buddhism. When they find that the advice are useful they would be interested to know more. When that happens, we can relate to them how others have managed to overcome certain unhappiness by learning the dharma and I believe it would be much easier when they have benefit a little from the beginning.
When everything is good, no problems they don't feel they need help, but when the suffering comes they always seek help and to blame others. So when they are at this state, it is a lot easier to share dharma with them. It takes patience and a lot of care at first but with perserverance, I believe you will be successful.
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Those who seem to have it all usually suffer the most because they will suffer from the worries of losing their friends, money etc. If they do not see it that way, point it out to them. That way, you are kind of teaching them impermanence. Also, tell them that all that they have now are the results of the seeds planted in previous lives. If there was no such thing as karma, which means cause and effect, how would they be able to get any of the so called "pleasures" in life. They had to work hard for it, right? If it was an inheritance, then their parents did some work, they just had the fortune to get their inheritance (you can start talking about how your previous life affect your current life here). Also, remind them of the inevitability of death, then tell them how to overcome the suffering of worrying about death, which is letting go. They would worry about losing everything during death and that will bring them to the 3 lower realms. If they are a really superstitious group of friends, you need not speak of many of these preliminary practices, you can introduce Dorje Shugden to them because Dorje Shugden will protect their mind and it will be easier for you to explain to them too. Explain Dorje Shugden to them in the sense that Dorje Shugden can help protect them and their wealth etc.
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Living a normal life is surely suffering. It is simple. Look at all the examples around you. Look at all they've done, all they've tried to do, and what has it brought them, more problems, more trouble, then one day they die, having accomplished so much, yet in reality so little. To live in samsara only thinking about yourself, just brings you back to square one constantly. You will continue to repeat mistakes. You may have successes and you may be happy at some points, but in the overall scheme of things, how happy are people when it comes to the time of death? The majority regret and are deeply saddened.
You grow up, go to school, get a job, work, retire, and then what? What have you worked so hard and tirelessly for? Just to have 10 years where you relax, be unhealthy, so that it brings more suffering. Most things you do just bring more suffering. Look at what you have done and where you are now? Are you in a better place? Or are you still suffering?
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Here I would briefly explain what life is suffering thru the 4 Noble Truths;
1. Life means suffering.
To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.
4. The path to the cessation of suffering.
There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.
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When we say suffering, it also include getting old, getting sick, untimely death and other problems we might encounter in our fragile life. And instead of thinking in a negative way, we should find ways to fix our suffering. Hence the Buddha taught us why we call it "SUFFERING" in the Four Noble Truth.
Buddhism teaches that life is suffering - why such a pessimistic view?
Buddhism looks at life in an objective and realistic way - with neither optimism nor pessimism. It needs only a little reflection to realise that life for the majority is a continuous struggle for survival. The word dukkha means much more than the English word ‘suffering’. It also includes such concepts as unsatisfactoriness, incompleteness, uncontrollability, imperfection, and emptiness. By following the ‘Noble Eight-fold Path’, the mind is gradually cleared of illusions and, with the development of clear sight, it becomes possible to see intuitively the true nature of existence.
http://www.londonbuddhistvihara.org/pubwol.htm (http://www.londonbuddhistvihara.org/pubwol.htm)
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I think you can use examples of very rich and famous people and ask your friends whether they think these rich people are happy. Look at their lives. How many have made a lot of money but lost it in the end? How many have married many times but cannot find happiness. Some have problem children. Some have drug and alcohol addiction. Some have passed away before their time from overdose of medication etc. There is a famous entertainment personality who, when asked what he wished to have, said that he had everything but he wanted to buy a private aircraft now. A private plane is the ultimate status symbol. It shows the more you have, the more you want. Maybe you can use such examples to explain that unsatisfactoriness is a type of suffering.
In general people experience a sense of unsatisfactoriness in life, which is one of the 7 sufferings. Dig a bit into their lives. You'll find out that they are undergoing suffering in one form or another. But they may not realize it. There's also a lot of covering and denial. The best way is not to explain but to show them by example, that one can achieve real happiness only through spirituality, not materialism.
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I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.
Sometimes living in such delusions as your friends are is hard to see what is right or wrong. However, when you scratch the surface, the paint will come off. Most often than not, my own friends in such predicaments are most unhappy. They seem to live the life most of us aspire to have or fight to achieve.
Best way to 'help' them is to be genuine and truthful. Do not feed them the bullshit they already know so well. Treat them as a person and not for what they have or can give you. That is often the best way as they will then see you as genuinely caring for them and not wanting something from them. Remember that most f these people spend all their lives recognizing, avoiding and having to deal with people who want to take from them.
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I think that it's hard to explain to one that life is suffering, if they don't even know that they are suffering. Yes often we feel depressed, and like we are suffocating but we just don't know why hence we distract ourselves with activities to take our minds away from things.
One could go on the approach to ask whether their friend is really happy. Perpetually happy, even with whatever that comes their way, and if their answer is no (most likely to be) then you can introduce them the teachings of the Buddha on why we are not, and how we look for happiness in others, in activities, in alcohol, party, cars and others but it doesn't work. We can't seek for happiness from others, because after awhile, we can't find it. Most likely, they're looking for it too, from you.
Alot of celebrities who have everything in their life, takes their own life for instance Health Ledger. For someone who has everything and everyone would aspire to be them, wouldn't it tell you that everyone is suffering no matter what? And what intensifies it is because we don't realise we are the cause of our own suffering.
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To start a Buddhist spiritual journey, there are two sparks, two realisations, two detonators that need to be in place.
The first one is: to realize that life is suffering
The second one is: to realize that sufferings can totally stop
It is clear, it is logical, that if we do not come to the first realization, the second realization is impossible.
And also, if we have realized the first one, but not the second, we run the risk of depression, of mental sinking and even suicide.
In fact, if the second realization was nonexistent, there would be no point in putting efforts understanding suffering deeper, no point at all.
So how can we explain that life is suffering?
I said earlier in this post: watch CNN non-stop for 2 days, and unless it's Queen Elizabeth's jubilee celebrations, one would have a pretty good idea. But that would only work if we are able to develop a little bit of empathy.
Another way goes in three stages:
Stage 1:
Identify the causes that we think make us avoid suffering in our lives:
-family
-children
-insurances
-good health
-healthy food
-daily gym
-carreer
-decent income
-stable government
-etc...
Stage 2:
be real about these causes: -how reliable are they? -how long will we have them?
Stage 3:
come to the conclusion that if we are not in the S### right now, we will fro sure be in the S### sometime in the future, sooner or later. Every day I spend on my holiday is a day of holiday less. This realization is sometimes called SUFFERING OF CHANGE: I think I don't suffer now, but that will change and my very current condition creates a future situation of suffering. I can decide not to think about it, I can do that, but it wouldn't change the fact that CHANGE will occur for the worse.
Then we should add a further stage, Stage 4. ANd we should always add that bit of explanation everytime we talk about suffering in the context of Buddhism, always.
Stage 4: the only reason the Buddha taught on suffering is because there is a method to annihilate the causes of suffering themselves.
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This post was started in 2011 and I have found the contents by the contributors to be fabulously helpful in learning the 4 noble truths as expounded by the Enlightened One, Shakymuni Buddha.
Enchanting article to read and contemplate.