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General Buddhism => General Buddhism => Topic started by: Ensapa on September 18, 2012, 05:05:15 PM
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So what does letting go really mean to you? Is it about forgetting about the incident or something, or just erasing the value associated with it? To me, letting go is more towards the latter rather than the former. But some people do have interesting opinions on it:
Beyond 'Letting Go'
This summer, I've been blessed by numerous peak experiences. I traveled for three weeks to Israel, sat 10 days on a Buddhist silent meditation retreat, went to Burning Man again, taught at two weeklong personal growth seminars, and somewhere in there had time to relax with my partner, family and friends, like many of us do in the summer.
Having returned to the pace of New York life in September, there's a temptation to hold onto these wonderful experiences. But which one? As I sit on the subway, do I contemplate the breath and recall the calm and bliss of my retreat? Or do I call to mind the juicy, ecstatic experiences out in Black Rock City? Which great moment should I try to hold onto?
Of course, even a novice at spiritual practice knows the answer to that question: none. Spirituality is all about letting go, surrendering into the present moment -- that kind of thing. Right?
Well, partly. While I have experienced -- and want to affirm -- the absolute centrality of letting go, in profound as well as mundane contexts, I would like to complicate it somewhat also. Because it matters what you're letting go into -- and that, I think, is actually the harder part of the work.
First, the affirmation. Yes, contemplative practice is, in large measure, a process of instructing the mind (and even, we are learning, the brain) in the art of letting go. This is noticeable even in the most minute movements of mind. At this moment, are you being pulled by an interesting link to the right of this story? Are you restless? Is there something, somewhere that you are craving? Sure there is. Five billion years of evolution have ensured that. It's all well and good to just "be here now," but our primate and primal ancestors who did that -- got eaten. The ones who escaped, hunted, and reproduced are the ones who were not satisfied with the present moment, the ones who developed keen senses of desire and aversion. We are the heirs of five billion years of kvetching.
And yet, we also know that kvetching is suffering. Dukkha. Clinging. Once you experience these sensations clearly, you see how unpleasant they are. So there arises a desire for deliverance from them -- even if just for a few minutes on the yoga mat or in front of the television. We are wired to be stressed, but we yearn to relax.
In my experience, this same movement of mind is present in the most profound moments of awakening, of which I'm fortunate to have experienced a few. At such times, the mind really lets go -- of its sense of self, identity, even existence itself. The mind "blinks" and all of experience -- the good, the bad, and the ugly -- ceases. In some ways, this is a profound experience unlike any other. Yet it's also not so different from not reaching for the ice cream in the freezer late at night. It really is just letting go.
But letting go into what? Often, life is so cluttered with demands, to-do lists, and appointments that if I "let go" into that, I become a crazed and nervous wreck. The Hindu sage Ramakrishna once said that the mind is like raw fabric; it takes the color of the dye it's soaked in. Soak the mind in a quiet, relaxing environment and it will become quiet and relaxed. Soak it in New York City, and...
This is why "letting go" is not enough. Sure, if you can really let go of anything that's tugging you, including the annoying emails and the noise of the city, then what you let go into is indeed the present moment -- covered in lots of stormy clouds, but still the sky embracing all of it. This takes a lot of work, though -- so much that I'm not sure it's realistic to even aspire to it. Besides, if you're constantly letting go, you're not engaged, and engagement is often necessary for professional success and personal connection. What's needed for a Western life is more of an oscillation between letting go and sinking in. And that is more complicated.
What, then, is beyond "letting go"? Here are three proposals to consider.
First, practice. Work. Discipline. These old-fashioned values are what gets beyond the New Age into real spiritual life. Every contemplative tradition of which I'm aware talks about the need for regular practice (prayer, meditation, yoga, painting, contemplation, whatever). People laugh at the "WWJD" crowd, with their bracelets asking what Jesus would do, but really, a lot of spiritual practice is just like that: just a reminder of something you already know, but need to remember at key moments. If you are marinating your mind in Bloomberg machines and BlackBerry messages, you need to proactively marinate it in spiritual ingredients as well. After all, you are what you eat.
Second, that practice has goals -- but in a very specific sense. The "goal" of daily practice isn't the same as the goal of intensive practice. You're not trying to have the most exotic samadhi or mystical experience each day; you're trying to increase your spiritual viscosity, that property of slipperiness that enables you to move quickly and smoothly from mortgage payments to spiritual truths, from linear achievement to present-moment love. In other words, the goal isn't to get somewhere, but to improve the capacity to get somewhere. If you've done enough intensive practice, your mind knows where that somewhere is -- after all, it's in the mind itself. You don't need to discover new territory -- only to return with ever-decreasing friction to what you know is truest, most authentic, most real.
Third, and this may be the most difficult piece of all, if you're letting go into a cesspool, you need to get out of the cesspool. Let's revisit that quip from Ramakrishna about the mind being like fabric taking on the color of dye. I've found over the years that this simple teaching is among the most difficult to actually live out. The mind really is malleable. On retreat, in a yoga class, or cuddled up on the sofa with your friends or family, "you" really are compassionate, loving, and wise. So why are you suddenly such a jerk in the parking lot? Well, the mind is adapting to different circumstances, and carrying "you" along with it.
Marketplace spirituality thrives by telling folks they can have spiritual peace simply by buying a product/class/book/technique. But that may not be enough. It's telling that the imperative the statue of Apollo commands in Rilke's poem is not "wow! look at me," but "you must change your life." In that moment of awe, a different self is conceived -- and from that transcendent moment, it is suddenly apparent that real life-changes are needed.
Of course, Rilke doesn't sell as well as the latest spiritual fad at the New Age store. It's a lot easier to tell people they can have their cake and eat it too, all while remaining gluten-free and thin. But in addition to daily practice and a clear sense of where it can take you, sometimes in order to let go effectively, you have to change what you let go into.
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My way of letting go is forgiving and moving on. What is the point of holding on to anger and so much pain when I can have a happy and loving life ahead. I have so many friends and family members that go around creating rumors and have to live their life with hatred and pain until they become so selfish. They live a miserable and sad life but they don't even know it. How sad!
Thank Buddha and Dharma for teaching me so much for I would just end up like them if I did not let go.
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“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”
- Ajahn Chah
Learn to let go of
- Frustration
- Anger and Bitterness
- Past Relationships
- Stress
I think each one of us have our very own different ways of letting go --- if it works for you, does not mean that it may work for me. We should learn to move on and realise that holding on is not going to do us any good.
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The term "letting go" has become a catchword in Buddhist circles. It is true that "letting go" is crucial for arriving at self-realisation of inner freedom, but we have to understand how to let go.
Let go of our clinging. Let go of the motivating desire behind whatever we're doing. It may be a desire to succeed, to be perfect, to control others or to glorify ourself. It doesn't matter what it is specifically; what matters is the desire behind our act. It is easy to mistake the act for the desire.
We have been talking about stopping and looking at emotions. Try to stop and look at an act; see if we can identify the desire propelling it. When we see the desire, we can also detect the clinging to the desire. When we see the clinging, we see it resolve and we spontaneously let go.
We don't let go for the sake of letting go. There is a parable about a Zen master who was approached by a pupil. The pupil asked, "I have nothing in my mind now; what shall I do next?" "Pick it up," replied the master. This is an excellent example of the negation that comes with proper understanding, as opposed to pure nihilism.
If we are bound to the concept of letting go, then we are not free. When we are not free, understanding - pañña - does not arise. But if we truly see the clinging to desire and let go of it, our act becomes a pure act, without any attendant tensions or frustrations. When the act is pure and simple, we can accomplish more with less stress. At that point, we are "picking up" just as we are "letting go."
Desire and clinging precede anger and hatred. In any fit of emotion - and our mental formations occur so very fast - we can only identify gross emotions like anger and hatred. Desire and clinging are much more subtle, so it takes stronger samadhi to be able to see them.
We have been conditioned since we were very young to relate everything to ourself. As soon as we learn to recognise people and things, we're taught how to relate these to the "I" and "mine"-- my mom, my dad, my toy, etc. As we grow up you're taught how to relate ideas and concepts to ourself. We have to learn that so that we can function properly in society.
But at the same time, this process slowly and unconsciously creates a concept of selfhood, and we build up our ego. This build up is strengthened by the values of society. We learn to compete, to achieve, to accumulate knowledge, wealth and power. In other words, we are trained to possess and to cling.
By the time we are grown up, the concept of ego-self has become so real that it is difficult to tell what is illusion and what is reality. It is difficult to realise that "I" and "mine" are temporary, relative and changeable. The same is true of all that is related to "I" and "mine." Not understanding that "I" and "mine" are temporary, we struggle to keep them permanent; we cling to them. This desire to try to keep everything permanent is what makes it so difficult to learn to let go.
We have become so used to functioning with the "I" and "mine," so used to thinking our "self" is real, that it is naturally difficult to understand the Buddhist way of thinking. The "I" and "mine," being illusions themselves, survive only by clinging to illusions of their own making. They cling to all
kinds of mental possessions - be they power, wealth, status or whatever - which are themselves conceptual creations of the mind with no substantial reality. In short, they are also illusions.
We have to understand that what we lose is merely an illusion. It never was. We empty the mind of illusion about self. Just let go of the illusion.
In fact, we are not losing anything. We just remove an imaginary screen before your eyes. In the process we gain wisdom, or pañña. From this wisdom unfold the four virtues of unconditional love, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. These virtues manifest themselves as concern, humanness and sensitivity to others. When we have pañña you can fully experience the beauty and warmth that is within all human relationships.
That is why letting go is not losing your illusory ego. We are actually uncovering a great treasure.
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Letting go is not easy as it sounds. There are so many aspects to it to be understood and accepted before we can let go. Letting go of attachements is not just getting rid of it or throwing it away. We tend to think that getting rid of an object s getting rid of attachements. The object is not the problem, The grasping of that object is the problem. This applies to sensual pleasures, emotions and obsessiosns. By realising the cause of suffering is by realising how attached we are. Letting go means letting things be the way they are. Just let them be.
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Attachment is like holding on tightly to something that is always slipping through my fingers--it just gives me rope burn.
The Buddha said we experience the peace of nirvana by letting things be as they are.
I found a good article by Lama Surya Das about letting go.
Source: http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Buddhism/2000/12/Letting-Go-Letting-Be.aspx (http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Buddhism/2000/12/Letting-Go-Letting-Be.aspx)
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We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. by JOSEPH CAMPBELL.
The Buddhist idea of "letting go"is essentially the opposite of "attachment"We simply do not know when or how to "let go"It is one of the fundamental teachings of Buddhist practice.Real and long lasting happiness comes from "letting go"
Cultivating generosity, in other words giving without expecting anything in return can be characterized by unattached and unconditional generosity.
Refrain from lying,killing animals etc.This will lead to further development of right faith,effort,mindfulness, concentration and wisdom.
Most of the time we worry and plan for the future.
Vipassana meditation takes us to ultimate level of "letting go".This process is practiced diligently with mindfulness to get rid of the cravings that arises to make us realize it is fruitless to suffer because of an impermanent nature.
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In my opinion, letting go is about letting loose of our grasping mind and not fixed on one thought/opinion, expectations or perception. Instead have an open mind, truly open mind and accept what comes along. Again here, in accepting what comes along does not mean we just sit around and not doing anything that needs to be done, taking precautions or finding solutions to overcome whatever situations or problems warrant our attention.
Life is like that it seems. We try and control the journey with some imagined belief in a power we don't have. There is no power over altering the flow of life. It will take us where it wants, so the only thing left to do is let go and learn to adapt to each bend in the river and enjoy the scenery while it lasts. It's once we let go that we notice a world that we were missing while being so focused on changing how our life is unfolding.
Suddenly we notice a sharpness, beauty and softness to life that we missed before. The trees seem to take on a new sacredness that brings us peace when before we pushed through them on our way to nowhere. It's why the cliche of "stopping to smell the roses" persists. When we stop trying to push toward a specific expectation we start to see that life has more to offer than we had ever realized before.
Like that, we need not create anxiety, anger, stress or even pain to oneself or others, if we just let go.
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There are many views of letting go, for me letting go is mean that i do not hold on to what was happened and made me feel angry, frustrate with some people or some incident which bring me no where.
For someone who treats me badly, i forgive them and let go, i believe that its a result of my bad karma therefore if i not let go this karma will not end and it will carry on as i will hold on the anger and try to get them back.. By letting go i gain freedom, my mind is free from delusion and become peace.
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Personally, for me letting go means i would not think about that thing, or to not have that particular incident occupy my mental space. I just stop thinking about it and maybe i would think about it later or maybe i might not but in short, letting go gives my mind more space to put in wholesome thoughts and that it helps me to focus on what is more important at hand rather than me clinging to the negative ones.
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It is not easy of letting go. It takes time with mind transformation.
Letting go means no anger, no attach to the past, but forgiving, face the past and moving forward. Everything around us is inpermanence. What we have now may not last long due to certain reasons. There is chance of loosing what we have. Instead of focusing what we lost or fail, why not choosing let go and turning the focus point to the future and moving forward. Time is clock-in and we are not moving any where if we choose not to let go. When we look back to the time of not letting go, we will realize that time is wasted and a lot of thing been missed out.
Our future will change if we let go the past and tranform our mind to look forward positively. :)
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It is not easy of letting go. It takes time with mind transformation.
Letting go means no anger, no attach to the past, but forgiving, face the past and moving forward. Everything around us is inpermanence. What we have now may not last long due to certain reasons. There is chance of loosing what we have. Instead of focusing what we lost or fail, why not choosing let go and turning the focus point to the future and moving forward. Time is clock-in and we are not moving any where if we choose not to let go. When we look back to the time of not letting go, we will realize that time is wasted and a lot of thing been missed out.
Our future will change if we let go the past and tranform our mind to look forward positively. :)
It's actually just mental conditioning. Yes, it is not easy to let go of something that has hurt you very much, but if you do not let go, the pain will always be lingering and there will be no end to that. If we tell ourselves that we should give this person who has hurt us another chance and not let the former impression influence our views on that person. To me, that is real forgiveness and I wouldnt mind giving that to people around me as well.
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Most often we have encounter this situation when we are in a restaurant, try to pay attention to the next table or the surrounding. From what i observed, in general people would gossip about their colleagues, friends or how unfair they have been treated. When we hold on to that situation, most probably by not knowing it will make us unhappy. We must try to forgive and practice it, it might be hard but why hold on to that grudge and make ourselves unhappy. When we are unhappy friends and family will be distance from us, do not blame the whole world of what had happened to us. Change our mind to counter that situation rather than blaming on others or the situations.
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40 ways of letting go by Lori Deschene
Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.
We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.
There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started:
Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life
1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.
2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.
5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.)
6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.
7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.
8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.
9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.
Let go of Anger and Bitterness
11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.
12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.
13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
14. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel may help you move on. Keep in mind that you can’t control how to offender responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.
15. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong—which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.
16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes; and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.
17. Metaphorically throw it away; i.e., jog with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)
18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.
19. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
20. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.
Let Go Of Past Relationships
21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.
22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.
23. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”
24. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again it will be easier to move on.
25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.
26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.
27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box.
28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”
29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”
30. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.
Let Go Of Stress
31. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.
32. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective.
33. Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.
34. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
35. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.
36. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for 10-30 minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.
37. Imagine your life 10 years from now. Then look 20 years into the future, and then 30. Realize that many of the things you’re worrying about don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
38. Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.
39. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress, and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”
40. Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.
It’s a long list, but there’s much left to be said! Can you think of anything to add to this list—other areas of life where we need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now?
Source: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-let-go-and-feel-less-pain/ (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-let-go-and-feel-less-pain/)
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Due to our ignorance, we perceive external objects as real and permanent and have the wrong views that possessing these objects would bring us happiness. Hence we develop attachments to these objects. When we no longer able to hold onto these objects, we suffer. Similarly, we are averse to some objects because we falsely believe those objects cause us unhappiness. Letting go in this context means to abandon our wrong views or perceptions of how things are. Letting go means accepting the fact that things are impermanent. Letting go means achieving a state of mind which is not distracted by the eight worldly concerns. Letting go means to let karma unfolds before us and not to be affected by it in any way; we shouldn’t create more karma from what is manifesting before us.
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When we speak about letting go, I always remember this quote:
“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
? Deborah Reber
I read it in a book when I was younger and it meant a lot to me.
Many times, people feel that letting go is just giving up on someone, but in actuality it is about controlling ourselves.
Some other people on the other hand feels that holding on is a symbol of them having great strength, but instead they fail to realize that it takes more strength to let go than holding on.
If we look in a Dharma point of view, holding on and not letting go of certain situations truly is one of the causes of our suffering; because we always end up looking back and not moving forward. Letting go don't mean that we forget what has happened, instead we have to remember but be indifferent with the situation... as it is after all a valuable learning experience.
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Ensapa, thank you for sharing.
How one let goes differs from situation to situation. Say, someone accidentally did harm to one of the person you loved. Letting go, although the meaning is the same, will differ from how one lets go if they have someone breaking their promise.
Yes it is easy to let go sometimes, just takes a reinforced and strong mind,but it does not necessarily reflect the real intrinsic feeling of letting go. On a surface level, it is easy to let go,but emotionally, sometimes it is hard. Really letting go is liberating, but how many of us can really let go from deep within? It does take a combination of both, I feel -forgetting about the incident, AND erasing the associated value with it. In addition, forgiving would play a huge role in really letting go as well.
To me, the true meaning of really letting go is when one experiences a discharge in burden off their shoulders, and they are able to truly be geniunely happy with whatever situation they are in at the present moment.
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To me, most people cant really truly let go as really letting go means giving the other person another fresh start. It really does mean that and sometimes i find myself in positions where i have to take a risk by giving someone a brand new start in my life, most probably a friend, and just open myself to the possibility of being hurt again by this person or whether or not i am not...if i am hurt again, i just let it stop there by cutting off contact or distancing myself.
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Letting go has many connotations and many levels of meaning. I think we should explore the spiritual aspect of letting go and that is to let go of our attachments and preconceived notions. All of us have very strong fixed ideas of what we like and we don't like. We stick by it even at the expense of others and that's not very good for us because that has tremendous karmic repercussions. What we like and don't like is just preference which is often based on past experience.
However, anything can change and what we like may not be good for us and what seemed bad in the past may have become better. It is always good to listen to the Dharma that challenge us to think and self-examine have we been focussing on ourselves and what we like and don't like. This attachment brings tremendous pleasure and a lot of pain as well. The more we realize this, the easier it is for us to practice higher teachings and more likely to practice and gain attainments.
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To me, most people cant really truly let go as really letting go means giving the other person another fresh start. It really does mean that and sometimes i find myself in positions where i have to take a risk by giving someone a brand new start in my life, most probably a friend, and just open myself to the possibility of being hurt again by this person or whether or not i am not...if i am hurt again, i just let it stop there by cutting off contact or distancing myself.
Letting go really is a large topic... it comprises so many levels that is probably not practical to list them down here.
But for most cases it always surrounds two things
1) fear for the future
2) anger of the past
If we can let go of these two things, we'd definitely be happier and live a more fulfilling life that concentrate on developing a happier future for ourselves.
Anger of the past... whatever that have unfortunately happened to us that has caused us emotional or physical harm, let go. If we allow this to live with us, there really is no future, and we allow what hurt us in the first place... hurt us again and again, when in reality the person/incident that befall us only hurt us once... the rest is all our own projections.
Do not allow other's to control your happiness, after all karma will come back to those who hurt you... let karma do it's 'magic' hehehe...
Fear for the future... many times we encounter situations that we feel forced to worry about our future. For example, if I have cancer, it is only natural that I would worry about my future. However, if we practice letting go of what happens in the future, we will live a more enriching life NOW as compared to worrying about what will happen. This is especially for situations where we are not totally in control over... why worry? Just let go, and start shaping our lives to a future that we want.
Lets take an example that we can see and feel visually. For example, I'm carrying a stick... it's big and heavy, but as soon as I put it down. or throw it away then it is no longer heavy and does not make me suffer. So the same applies with what's within us... when we throw or let go our worries and anger, we will feel lighter, and the worries can never tire us anymore.
I know it is difficult... we are living within our own 4 walls all the time, and letting go sometimes can be scary because that is all we have known so far. It is just like a prisoner, after living for so many years in prison, they feel scared to leave it. But once we are mentally prepared, and have the courage to move out of the prison cell, then we see a whole new world. More than anything, it take courage to let go.
So the question is, how to let go?
1) Concentrate at one thing at a time. Dont keep so much mental clutter in our minds. Pick up what we're doing now, do it perfectly then discard it. Same with all the hurt that we receive along the way... just discard it.
2) Be content! If we always feel that we're stuck in a situation that we do not like or want... then we have created a mental prison for ourselves. How can we amend this? Change our mind set, and want the be in situations that we used to avoid.
3) Giving without expecting anything in return.
4) Letting go of assumptions.
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To me, true forgiveness is that you allow someone enough space to change themselves and prove themselves to be different people than what they are from the past. I mean, everyone deserves a chance even though they may not deserve it. But perhaps, thats my idealized way of seeing things because when friends do hurt me, i forgive them and i do give them room and benefit of the doubt even though sometimes they dont learn from it and i end up getting hurt from it. Personally, i would want a full chance for me to prove myself as well if i am in that situation, i would like people to give me a chance to regain their trust. To me, full forgiveness is when we allow that person to turn around and do something about the mistake that they have made.
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25 Quotes on Letting Go
Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. - Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. - Ann Landers
Forgiveness means letting go of the past. - Gerald Jampolsky
In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. – Deepak Chopra
Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress. – Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. – Dalai Lama
Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. – Ralph Marston
The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation, which depend upon the future. We let go the present, which we have in our power, and look forward to that which depends upon chance, and so relinquish a certainty for an uncertainty. - Seneca
Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. – Daphne Rose Kingma
We need to learn to let go as easily as we grasp and we will find our hands full and our minds empty. – Leo F. Buscaglia
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. – Raymond Lindquist
You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding. – Guy Finley
Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go. – Anais Nin
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. - Havelock Ellis
The mental and physical space we create by letting go of things that belong in our past gives us…the option to fill the space with something new. – Susan Fay West
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. – Tao Te Ching
Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. - Herman Hesse
One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. - Michael Cibenko
To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit. – Jack Kornfield
We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell
You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old – whatever “the old” means for you. – Sarah Ban Breathnach
Nirvana means to extinguish the burning fires of the Three Poisons: greed, anger, and ignorance. This can be accomplished by letting go of dissatisfaction. - Shinjo Ito
There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go. – Jessica Hatchigan
You can only lose what you cling to. - Buddha
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25 Quotes on Letting Go
Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. - Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. - Ann Landers
Forgiveness means letting go of the past. - Gerald Jampolsky
In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. – Deepak Chopra
Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress. – Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. – Dalai Lama
Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. – Ralph Marston
The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation, which depend upon the future. We let go the present, which we have in our power, and look forward to that which depends upon chance, and so relinquish a certainty for an uncertainty. - Seneca
Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. – Daphne Rose Kingma
We need to learn to let go as easily as we grasp and we will find our hands full and our minds empty. – Leo F. Buscaglia
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. – Raymond Lindquist
You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding. – Guy Finley
Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go. – Anais Nin
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. - Havelock Ellis
The mental and physical space we create by letting go of things that belong in our past gives us…the option to fill the space with something new. – Susan Fay West
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. – Tao Te Ching
Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. - Herman Hesse
One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. - Michael Cibenko
To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit. – Jack Kornfield
We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell
You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old – whatever “the old” means for you. – Sarah Ban Breathnach
Nirvana means to extinguish the burning fires of the Three Poisons: greed, anger, and ignorance. This can be accomplished by letting go of dissatisfaction. - Shinjo Ito
There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go. – Jessica Hatchigan
You can only lose what you cling to. - Buddha
Source:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201210/25-quotes-letting-go (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201210/25-quotes-letting-go)
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Beyond "Letting Go" is actually consist the following elements:
1. Realize the value of the human body with which you have been endowed, for it is the result of many past good causes. Appreciate the fact that teachings are available and ready to be implemented.
2. Since this precious human life can be used in powerfully beneficial or destructive ways, and is itself most fragile, make good use of it now.
3. Physical happiness is just an occasional balance of elements in the body, not a deep harmony. Understand the temporary for what it is.
4. A tamed mind makes you peaceful, relaxed, and happy; whereas, if your mind is not peaceful and tamed, no matter how wonderful your external circumstances, you will be beset by frights and worries. Realize that the root of your own happiness and welfare rests with a peaceful and tamed mind. It is also a great benefit to those around you.
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'Letting Go' can be said, is another term for "to forgive and forget'. However it may be easy to forgive but it's a lot harder to forget.
If there is a situation that we can forgive for the trespasses that someone has done to us, but we still cannot forget the incident, then we have not fully let go of the whole situation. By not truly forgiving and forgetting, or fully letting go, eventually the only person we hurt is ourselves. By not forgetting or letting go, we deceive ourselves into thinking that there is no longer an issue with this particular person,(we have already forgiven him ) , this deceit will gnaw and eat into us, and it will again blow up in our faces.
By forgetting, i take it to mean that we comprehend why the person had done that to us, we have the compassion and loving kindness to see the reasoning behind the person's action , we forgive him and we forget the whole incident. We let it go !
'Forgetting' does not mean to sweep it under the carpet, shove it to another compartment in our mind, stick our head into the ground like an ostrich - because when there is the slightest trigger, all the negative emotions will come surfacing to the top again.
This only shows that we have held on to it all this while.
Letting go requires a lot of inner work, discipline, compassion, wisdom and clarity but most importantly, true forgiveness. Letting go is train our minds to detach from the negative emotions relating to a negative situation.
The longer one holds on and grasps tightly to someone, something, a situation, the more painful it becomes, and more suffering is caused.
Letting go equates to detachment.
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Letting go for me is not forgetting the situation or circumstance altogether and hence trying to blank it out of our memory but actually accepting it and moving on.
It is this aspect of non attachment to the past that helps us to heal. Because in realizing this, we realize that we cannot change the past and what happened, but we can certainly change how we view the present based on the past which in turns shapes our future!
I always look at the "negatives" in my past and tell myself, without these so called "negatives", I would not be where I am... hence if I actually view these "negatives" as "positives" which shape my life, it actually becomes bearable and hence the process of letting go can begin!